Weddingbee Blog

I watched an episode of it the other day–the young couple in question were both 18. It actually touched on the age issue less than I would have thought, it’s more implicit in the story (the guy especially was a mama’s boy and fairly immature). But it was interesting, I thought, and worth watching.

Great question, Mrs. Butterfly!

I think you *can* be too young to get married, and for some people “too young” means 18-21, but I think it’s a bit of a blanket statement…I’m only 21, but Mr Blueberry and I are clearly getting married. And, of course, I don’t think it’s too young at all. I wouldn’t consider it “one of my first steps toward adulthood” or anything of the sort. Just as some 30-year-olds might *not* be emotionally ready to get married, I think a good number of 18-21-year-olds *are*.

That said, I don’t encourage anyone to get married unless they are absolutely certain of their decision, and are aware of *all* the results of their actions–everything from losing parental financial support to feeling a social stigma against them. Some people still have a lot of growing up to do, when they’re in their early 20’s. Some really are adequately prepared to get married. But that’s a very personal decision, and I must say I sort of resent the idea that a person in their early 20’s is inherantly not prepared for marriage.

I still say, what’s the rush, why not just be dating for longer, or engaged for a bit longer.

MCRBride–of course every couple’s situation is different, but I have some friends who will have been dating for *eight years* by the time they get married next year…no rush, just readiness.

In our case, now is actually the best time to get married. Mr Blueberry is headed straight into law school after he finishes his undergrad studies, so right there is three years when it would be very inconvenient for us to plan a wedding and adjust to married life. Since we’ll be graduating our undergrad. at the same time, and I’ll be headed into the workforce, it’ll be more financially responsible for us to already be married. Plus, we want to start having kids as soon as we’re financially ready (probably not until he’s done with law school) and we don’t want to get married right before we start having kids…we’d like some time to enjoy each other first

Hope that makes sense…and again, that’s just our situation. I’m sure 20 different couples could give you 20 different responses

Guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.
I’ve been with my fiance almost 10 years, but I still could have waited longer–especially knowing what I know now about wedding planning stress

Nancy–cracking me up.

Haha, I was going through the channels yesterday, and saw that…and even though I have a no MTV rule…haha…I watched it. Kinda ridiculous, but maybe a new guilty pleasure? Perhaps…

I don’t really recommend it! It is just what I did!

MCRBride–no problem I also want to add…I think your argument definitely has merits, but it’s just not what I agree with for *all* situations.

twelvetigers–very similar situation to mine! And I agree, it is a hassle, even daily stuff. Just the other day I was on campus while Mr Blueberry was at home, and I was going to pick up some paperwork for him but they wouldn’t let me because I’m not yet his spouse. ::rolls eyes:: But of course, this convenient stuff isn’t the only reason we’re getting married soon

For us, the decision to get married pivoted around several aspects (ie. financial readiness: finish school and have ability to steadily support ourselves and a potential family, emotional readiness: being able to carry the responsibilities of joining each others’ families and understand the meaning of a marriage commitment, spiritual readiness, etc.) but mostly it had to do with maturity. Generally speaking, maturity tends to come with age, but I do think that it really depends on the life experiences one has had — certain hardships will cause a very young person to mature much earlier than other people. I turn 23 this year and Mr. Plumeria is 24, so we are definitely young, but I believe that both of us are truly ready, in all of the above aspects, and mature enough to make this decision.

I’ve been thinking lately that there is no magic formula of age or money to having a successful marriage — you need commitment and selflessness. If you have the ability (or the willingness to try your best!) to love your spouse more than yourself and be committed to staying together even when things are tough by the time you’re 18, go ahead and get married. And if you don’t have that by the time you’re thirty, wait a little longer.