Weddingbee

I watched an episode of it the other day–the young couple in question were both 18. It actually touched on the age issue less than I would have thought, it’s more implicit in the story (the guy especially was a mama’s boy and fairly immature). But it was interesting, I thought, and worth watching.

Great question, Mrs. Butterfly!

I think you *can* be too young to get married, and for some people “too young” means 18-21, but I think it’s a bit of a blanket statement…I’m only 21, but Mr Blueberry and I are clearly getting married. And, of course, I don’t think it’s too young at all. I wouldn’t consider it “one of my first steps toward adulthood” or anything of the sort. Just as some 30-year-olds might *not* be emotionally ready to get married, I think a good number of 18-21-year-olds *are*.

That said, I don’t encourage anyone to get married unless they are absolutely certain of their decision, and are aware of *all* the results of their actions–everything from losing parental financial support to feeling a social stigma against them. Some people still have a lot of growing up to do, when they’re in their early 20’s. Some really are adequately prepared to get married. But that’s a very personal decision, and I must say I sort of resent the idea that a person in their early 20’s is inherantly not prepared for marriage.

I still say, what’s the rush, why not just be dating for longer, or engaged for a bit longer.

MCRBride–of course every couple’s situation is different, but I have some friends who will have been dating for *eight years* by the time they get married next year…no rush, just readiness.

In our case, now is actually the best time to get married. Mr Blueberry is headed straight into law school after he finishes his undergrad studies, so right there is three years when it would be very inconvenient for us to plan a wedding and adjust to married life. Since we’ll be graduating our undergrad. at the same time, and I’ll be headed into the workforce, it’ll be more financially responsible for us to already be married. Plus, we want to start having kids as soon as we’re financially ready (probably not until he’s done with law school) and we don’t want to get married right before we start having kids…we’d like some time to enjoy each other first

Hope that makes sense…and again, that’s just our situation. I’m sure 20 different couples could give you 20 different responses

Guess we’ll have to agree to disagree.
I’ve been with my fiance almost 10 years, but I still could have waited longer–especially knowing what I know now about wedding planning stress

Nancy–cracking me up.

Haha, I was going through the channels yesterday, and saw that…and even though I have a no MTV rule…haha…I watched it. Kinda ridiculous, but maybe a new guilty pleasure? Perhaps…

I don’t really recommend it! It is just what I did!

MCRBride–no problem I also want to add…I think your argument definitely has merits, but it’s just not what I agree with for *all* situations.

twelvetigers–very similar situation to mine! And I agree, it is a hassle, even daily stuff. Just the other day I was on campus while Mr Blueberry was at home, and I was going to pick up some paperwork for him but they wouldn’t let me because I’m not yet his spouse. ::rolls eyes:: But of course, this convenient stuff isn’t the only reason we’re getting married soon

For us, the decision to get married pivoted around several aspects (ie. financial readiness: finish school and have ability to steadily support ourselves and a potential family, emotional readiness: being able to carry the responsibilities of joining each others’ families and understand the meaning of a marriage commitment, spiritual readiness, etc.) but mostly it had to do with maturity. Generally speaking, maturity tends to come with age, but I do think that it really depends on the life experiences one has had — certain hardships will cause a very young person to mature much earlier than other people. I turn 23 this year and Mr. Plumeria is 24, so we are definitely young, but I believe that both of us are truly ready, in all of the above aspects, and mature enough to make this decision.

I’ve been thinking lately that there is no magic formula of age or money to having a successful marriage — you need commitment and selflessness. If you have the ability (or the willingness to try your best!) to love your spouse more than yourself and be committed to staying together even when things are tough by the time you’re 18, go ahead and get married. And if you don’t have that by the time you’re thirty, wait a little longer.

People grow and change with the years, especially in your early to mid 20s. If you grow along with your partner, great, but there is a good chance that you can also grow apart. There is no set age but I think you definitely need to wait until you know yourself and your husband to be and know for sure that you will be able to grow together.

People change a lot as they enter their 20s. I can say this with some confidence, because it was certainly the case for me. I got engaged when I was 19 (I’m 20 now), and I truly thought that I was ready for marriage and ready to be a wife. Fast-forward to a few months later, and I came to the realization (after a long period of serious doubts, discovering more about myself and what I want in life, and a lot of soul-searching) that I’m nowhere near ready to be married or even to be in such a serious relationship. I’m still in university, and the engagement was seriously constraining my future career possibilities, as well as his future (he wanted to go to med school). I just don’t feel like I know myself well enough to be married.

I’m not saying that nobody should get married at this stage in their life, just that people should make sure that they’re really as ready to take such a big step forward as they think they are.

I was 20 and my husband 21 when we married… both done school… still here the comments about being way too young but we’re happy and we were ready to be married and new we had found the person we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with. It totally depends on when you find that person. I don’t think an age limit should be set. My parents weren’t married until my mom was 32. It really depends

I got married in October and I am 22 and my husband is 24. I got so tired of the “you are so young, what’s the rush?” comments. I have always felt, to quote When Harry Met Sally, “When you find the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” There were 2 years between when we met and when we got married, and even that felt way too long. We couldn’t wait=!

My parents didn’t get married until they were 30 and my husband’s parents got married when they were 19. Both are successful, beautiful marriages. I’ve seen too many strong marriages that have started when the couple are 19 or 20 to say that there is a “too young.” It all comes down to your commitment to each other and how seriously you take the marriage vows.

its hard to say when one is ready to get married. i personally feel though that people should wait till they are in their late twenties/early thirties to get married because of financial stability and maturity. as mentioned in previous comments you really grow and change from year to year and most people are only discovering what it is they actually want for themselves in their 20s. plus for both people i think they need to truly to be able to 100% support themselves independently. it’s great and all to take care of each other don’t get me wrong, but the reality is that stuff can happen and i personally feel like you should be able to take care of yourself 100% before entering marriage where you become financially co-dependent.

I guess I agree with most of the people who say it depends on the individual people. I’m 17, been with my fiance for 2 and a half years and been engaged for a month……..I agree with Hannah when she says you need to have had some fighting before you take the next step though….

It all depends on certainty and maturity. I wasn’t even 17 1/2 when I got married and it was the best decision of my life. I graduated 2 years early and didn’t go to college, but I had life experience and had been supporting myself since gradaution when we met. We dove right in to this and our love only grows. I’ve seen a few young marriages fall apart already… but I’m here to testify to the fact that everyone is different and a happy young marriage is possible. He is 21 now and I’m 18, past our first anniversary and it’s because we married for love. Not about children(none here!), not about money(he does take care of me well; we’re getting by)… and we both respect the concept of marriage. This is forever. So we’ll go to college together at some point, what’s the big deal?? Love doesn’t happen at the right point in your life. It happens when you find that one person… and I wouldn’t change a thing.