I, Miss Kiwi…
January 28th, 2007 @ 12:21 am by Mrs. Kiwi
My love for words and lyrics have drawn me to want to write our own vows. A few things that go against that notion have been creating some niggling doubts in my mind.
Mr. Kiwi, while loving and romantic in nature, just isn’t poetic - he thinks it’s cheesy most of the time. I think that telling him that I’d like us to write our own vows would make him freak out a bit and think ahead to the pressure he’d feel. He’s a sporty man and being a coach he loves competition, but when it’s not athletic in nature he’s just lost. I wish I could help him be a little more confident in his words and speaking from the heart. I know he has it in him, because I’ve seen it in different things he’s done for me.
To me, writing our own vows would mean so much, coming from the heart and saying what the average vows can’t say. I want them to be something people remember later, and say, “Wow, that was so Miss Kiwi.” Or “Mr. and Mrs. Kiwi really do love each other.”
I know I’m really attaching a lot to these vows, and I need to kind of talk myself down from these romance novel thoughts of mine. I should just accept Mr. Kiwi as his sporty, goofy self, and know that if he doesn’t want to write his own vows, that it will be okay. Maybe we’ll do a test run and see how it goes. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if after all this I’M the one with the problem? 
Are you writing your own vows or are you choosing the regular vows?
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14 Responses to “I, Miss Kiwi…”
Hmmmm…I don’t think so. I wouldn’t mind (I really like how calopiespiderman wrote hers) but I think it’s more FI and me if we don’t. 
Our officiant will be tailoring our ceremony, so it’ll have traditional vows with elements of “us.” We’re getting married outdoors and are opting for a “semi-religous” ceremony.
I think we’ll be editing the vows, if not writing our own…because we are both NOT religious, and don’t want it as part of our ceremony AT ALL… 
No, we are not writing our own vows, but we are going to pick a few readings that are especially sentimental to us and our relationship…I think we both would have a hard time pouring out our hearts in front of 150 people…
We are not for two key reasons. 1- I hate it when at the alter the bride and groom pull out this crumpled piece of paper and read things to each other. 2 - There is enough going on that there is no way I am memorizing anything. The repeat-after-me format is just perfect.
We are! (or at least we’re planning to). The thing I don’t know is if we are writing them together or surprising each other on the day. We’re also doing public and private vows– one set to say in front of everyone, and one set to say to each other that night back in our hotel room. I do think it’s romantic to write your own, but there are some things that shouldn’t be public.
Are you writing yours separately or together?
We wrote our own vows, but wrote them together. They weren’t long (about the same length as traditional vows), and we both said the same thing to each other. The minister had the vows, and he prompted us so we didn’t have to remember them. We got a lot of very special feedback from our guests about how special they thought our ceremony was…
Thanks for all the responses! To answer cubangirl’s question, I don’t know yet! I still have to talk to him more about it.
I think that JB’s idea is the one with the most potential for success. If you write your vows together there will be less pressure on Mr Kiwi, and they will still be heartfelt and personal. And then if your officiant has the vows and you “repeat after me” that eliminates the crumpled paper and memorization problems. I also think that as vows, it’s nice if they are basically the same, so that you are not promising something completely different from what he is promising. Discussing/composing your vows is a way to make sure you have compatible ideas about what a marriage is about. (for example, if he wants you to OBEY and you are not into that….or vice versa!)
I actually prepared our own vows. like mr. kiwi, my then-fiance feels he’s not good with words either, so the responsibility fell on me. So i’d write the vows, he’d edit/improve from there according to his taste, that usually helps him.
but our pastor actually would also like us to have the for-good-and-for-bad,till-death-do-us-apart as part of the wedding tradition; so what we did was, we had our personal vows read, then follow by the standard-lines. all being prompted off the mic.
surprisingly, it was actually very beautiful, our guests, were all very touched, some even said they teared listening to the vows.
personal vows are alway beautiful, so by all means! but there’s no need to turn this intimate act to a pressurized one, so yeah, like other readers said it, have your officiant prompt u guys each line bcos on that day itself, u’ll be too nervous to remember anything!
i love the idea of writing your own vows.. have you saved any of the old cards he’s given to you (like valentine’s day, birthday, or just to say i love you cards)? my boyfriend is not really articulate but some of the cards he’s written me have made me cry, even though it was about was about something silly.
We are writing our own, seperately. I don’t know why, but when we discussed it, neither of us could picture anything different.
I hate the idea of writing my own vows. Even as a writer, I have a huge mental block about what to say. Actually, I’m not very romantic at heart and have trouble expressing my feelings in any specific way, beyond saying “I love you” or “I miss you.” So, I don’t want to write my own vows.
Unfortunately, it’s one of the few details my FI is insisting on, and since there aren’t too many wedding details he’s involved in I guess I better honour it. I’ve been dreading the process of writing them and even more reciting them in front of a crowd, but it hadn’t occurred to me to write them together and be prompted by the officiant. I think that actually might be a great compromise that will alleviate all the stress.
Thanks for the suggestion!
We’re planning to do what JB did. We’re going to write our own vows, but we’ll be writing them together and saying the same thing to eachother. I love that it’s still very personal, and FI loves that he wont have to write anything himself because he’s not so confident in the writing arena.
Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
I at first had those same romantic visions, but then I remembered that I’m really shy and self-conscious in front of people, so I’m gonna have enough trouble just standing up there and nodding with everyone looking at me! So we’ll probably try to get our officiant (will be either a friend or family member - we should get that settled, eeeek!!) to work in a bit of personalization, and then do pretty generic vows themselves. We’ll see. I just know I’m easily embarrassed when I’m not even doing anything, so pouring my heart out in front of a hundred people just isn’t really going to happen.