Yesterday I was at Mr. Kiwi’s school for an open house, when I was asked where we’re having our ceremony. The woman who asked was a senior citizen who attends mass every day at the church that is part of Mr. K’s school. Somehow I knew I should tell her we were undecided, since I knew Mr. Kiwi would get the brunt of the criticism for not marrying at the church he was raised in.
To my family, the idea of marrying in a church is odd because we’re so non-denominational it’s not even funny. If we did marry there, the question would undoubtedly be “Why are you marrying in a church?” Mr. Kiwi’s side on the other hand, thinks of it as somewhat an oddity to not get married in a church – “You’re getting married in a tent?!”
Since I’m always open about things, I tend to talk a lot. Mr. Kiwi accused me of not knowing my boundaries the other day. Why? Because the officiant I was talking to asked me what kind of wedding I visualized. When I said, “Well, Mr. Kiwi works at a Catholic school, but doesn’t really like the father there…” I was given the eye of death, and an admonishment that people don’t need to hear every detail about. Well I guess he’s right, but it just wasn’t something that was a big deal to me, though I do understand that it was a big deal to him.
Now, I’m left unsure what to say about why we’re getting married in a tent, and not the church. Mr. Kiwi seems to be very sensitive about this, so I guess I shouldn’t say the reason. Should I just not say anything? Saying we’re undecided makes me uncomfortable- like I’m lying. If I should say, “Ask Mr. Kiwi,” I’m sure he would not be too happy either.
What would you say? Have you experienced conflicts with getting or not getting married at a religious venue?