Open Question: Chinese Superstitions

Hello everyone at WeddingBee!

I have a question that I hope to get some insight on. MY FI and I hope to get married sometime in the middle of next year The date has not been set. My mother is gung ho and is trying to do everything super Chinese…in spite of the fact my FI isn’t. She bought up a point that, traditionally with the Chinese, when there is a death in the family (she is worried that may happen next year since both my grandmothers are quite old), the wedding must be postponed for 1000 days (or 3 years). She insists that if either one of my grandmothers passes away, that I have to postpone the wedding.

Now, to me, this is just not practical. After all, if invites are out and venues and things have been booked, to postpone for three years is asking too much. My FI and I have been dating since our first year of university. We would like to get married and yet I am afraid our refusal to postpone a wedding will cause some family rift.

I was wondering if any of the bees or readers are worried about this problem? Or perhaps, if such an unfortunate event was to occur next year, what we can do? I should also add that my mother and father are very inflexible to any suggestions made by me.


As always,


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  1. Guest Icon Guest
    sky2, Guest @ 8:17 pm

    I am not Chinese but marrying someone who is. My FI’s grandfather is now seriously ill and we are less than 100 days from the wedding.

    My FMIL simply gave me all the wedding gifts now, so that she doesn’t have to do it during the mourning period. As far as I know both the American and Chinese weddings will go forward as scheduled.

    Maybe you could tell your parents that you don’t want to wait that long to have kids? Having grandchildren probably means more to them than money :)

  2. Guest Icon Guest
    Anita, Guest @ 8:39 pm

    As far as I know, there is a 3 month mourning period. I would think that as long as it’s out of that period then it should be okay. I like Bkb’s idea.

  3. Guest Icon Guest
    Miss Plum, Guest @ 11:53 am

    I agree with Bkb as well – good luck and I hope everything works out!

  4. Guest Icon Guest
    waxon55, Guest @ 10:08 am


    There’s something I found out about Chinese traditions that may help you justify your case with your parents. Depending on what age your grandmothers are, their passing may not be regarded as something bad if they live to be over 80 years old. Having such longevity is often interpreted as a full, prosperous, and complete life. In such instances, even though there will be some grief, the mourning is much abbreviated. You may want to try this angle with your mom – it’s worth a shot.

    By the way, is there any change your family is Catholic? What I’m trying to say is, you know how many days it took Jesus to ressurect.

    BTW, for all those out there, what is the general rule regarding forbidding guests to attend when there’s been a death in that guest’s famil? Any insights on this will be much appreciated.

  5. Member
    paddlegirl 2 posts, Wannabee @ 7:02 pm


    My understanding is if an immediate or significant family member dies (parent or sibling), it’s a 100-day mourning period and you’re not allowed to:
    – Attend any celebrations
    – Visit anyone’s homes outside of your immediate family
    – Celebrate any birthdays, anniversaries, weddings or holidays (e.g. Chinese New Year, Autumn Moon Festival, etc).

    Note: Not sure if holidays extend to Western holidays like Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc.

    The logic behind this waiting period is that the family is to mourn for the deceased family member and that their journey into heaven will be 100 days. All the remaining (living) relatives need to focus their attention on helping that loved one pass through purgatory (Chinese style) and into heaven. Since its our heavenly ancestors that help us out here on earth, it’s our duty to help our deceased ones get into heaven to ensure that the family is OK in both areas (heaven and earth).

    Hopefully that sheds some insight for your in-laws.

  6. Guest Icon Guest
    Doubt, Guest @ 9:33 pm

    My Father’s mother has passed away about a weeks ago and now my mother’s mother has just passed away.

    I heard that all of us cannot attend my mother’s mother’s funeral.

    Please reply this message as soon as possible if you know something about this.

    Thank you in advance.

  7. Member
    AmandaAtChineseWedding 33 posts, Newbee @ 11:39 pm

    Doubt, refer to the followings:
    Maybe you can find the answer to pyur question.

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