Wedding Blog
Just…wow.
Oftentimes, it is hard for parents to let go of their children as they reach adulthood and let them make their own choices. When it comes to a mate for their child, some parents disapprove, but bury those feelings. Some parents vocally disapprove, but support their child. The lucky ones have parents who love and support their choice in a partner.
Then there are the parents who outwardly disapprove.
See, my FMIL doesn’t like me. The reasons are really unclear. Part of it is simply that she is too involved in her son’s life, but in a negative way — she expects him to answer to her over money he spends, activities he participates in, etc. For many years he received mail at his parents’ house so it wouldn’t get lost in transition (when moving and what not). She’d go so far as to open his mail, then question him about it!
I had always envisioned me having a close relationship with my MIL — after all, all my former boyfriends’ parents had always loved me! Not to toot my own horn, but I’m smart, educated, polite, witty, and am very family-oriented. But she seems to have almost a reverse-Oedipal complex that I find very bizarre. Sometimes I think I got the short end of the stick when it comes to MILs.
And then, *BAM*…Welcome to Crazyland. My friend emailed me the most disturbing (and hilarious) website today. And I thought I had in-law problems!
http://www.stevenandmommy.com/index.html
How do you get along with your in-laws? How does your FI/DH get along with your family?
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Share this post: Mommie Dearest
*sigh* Man o man, parents can be SO difficult. My own parents are in the “Vocally disapprove but support me” catagory. Sounds bearable, but sometimes their “vocalness” can really eat away at me, especially when they share their thoughts to outsiders!! These are such personal matters, I wish they would just keep quiet. I called my dad at his office yesterday and had a nice conversation with his office manager, who shared how sorry she was they my dad disapproves. GREAT. Thanks for sharing dad.
In terms of Mr. E’s parents, they are VERY dependant on him, especially his mom. They dont speak much English and depend on him to take care of ALOT of stuff. And she desperately wants us to move in after we are married, and we have told her that its NOT going to happen, but she keeps nagging. He’s trying to cut the cord, so to speak, or at least stretch it out a bit. Too close for comfort, I tell you!!
Wow, that site is just crazy. Hmm. I get along okay with my MIL. She’s pretty crazy, and she smokes two packs a day, but she likes me well enough. It frustrates me when she makes silly choices and the FI stresses out about it, but that’s all. I count myself lucky - she’d be a scary opponent.
And my parents just love my FI, and they’re really good to both of us. They just helped
us buy a house. I couldn’t ask for better, and the FI likes them a lot too.
That website is insane. Holy crap… is it for real??
we both get along with each other’s parents. mine adore him and actually refer to him as their fsil. my dad has even been talking about leaving his business to us. i get along really well with his mother as well. she even sends me a card every once in a while. she’s just happy to see her son is happy. we both definitely lucked out.
is that website foreal?? craziness…
Ugh, this topic is seemingly the centre of my existence ever since the engagement; it’s making me lose sleep and even doubt my relationship with my FI because my family has been so vocally opposed. My dad is in the “disapproves but buries his feelings” camp. He voiced his concerns once, we discussed it, I told him why I wasn’t concerned and he gave a nod that told me he didn’t agree but he realized that it was my decision to make. He’s never brought it up since, but he did give my FI permission to marry me so that’s good. My mother, on the other hand, lands squarely in the “outwardly disapproves” camp. Every time I say my FI’s name in her presence she has to start a discussion about how I should leave him. Even my sister, who I thought I could count on for support, seemed concerned at one point but is being supportive, thankfully. It eats me up inside that they all can’t just be happy for me. I have to figure out how to let go of my expectations growing up that my family would love my husband and welcome him into the family, and the same with me and his family.
His family is not as bad as mine. I don’t particularly like them much, but there are no fights about me between my FI and his parents. They seem to like me well enough. And they live 3 hours away. I think a little bit of distance can be a healthy thing. Sometimes I dream about moving to Australia with my FI once we’re married so we can just be with each other and not worry about what the rest of them all thought.
I have totally lucked out. Parents love him, I love his parents, they think I’m just the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Don’t get me wrong, my mom can drive FI up a wall, but she can drive anyone up a wall. They still really like each other. And my FFIL can be a real prick, but I still enjoy their company and he’s a prick in funny ways. He just promised me he’d not get drunk at the wedding, the after-party all bets were off though.
holy mother. that website is CRAZY. crazye of her to create it, even crazier for him to speak to his mother that way. of course, we don’t know both sides of the story, but CRAZY!!!!!
that website made my eyebrows fly up into my hairline… metaphorically, of course. who knows if it’s real… x_X but if it is, I think it’s just very sad. I didn’t find any of it hilarious. If it’s true, it’s just very very sad… and if the emails are real, well… I can’t imagine ever saying anything to my parents that way, or telling them to “go get a life.” =/ Of course, who knows what really happened. I don’t think it’s funny though 
sad to say…i can see my own mother setting up a website just like this. Because i’m not marrying the perfect dream guy she has always wanted me to marry (richest taiwanese guy ever or something like that), she’s decided to disown me even though i have the most loving man ever. She’s refusing to even acknowledging his existence. It’s really her loss to not want to be included in my life.
OMG, that site is crazy! Though I don’t see it as crazy PILs…looks to me more like a crazy son and an extremely crazy DIL! I really hope it isnt real. I can’t believe someone would talk to their mother that way.
My dad has always been skeptical of every guy that I’ve dated. I was at the grocery last week and saw one of my dad’s friends, and he came up and said he’d heard I was getting married to a really nice guy. I was happy (and suprised) that my dad said that.
My fiance’s mom is asian and she doesn’t speak english very well. The only reason I point out that she’s asian is because all my asian friends tell me how crazy their moms are, and she is no exception. I think she likes me for the most part, other than I am not at all religious and his family is very religious.
That website is crazy! I feel bad for the mom, and for the son and his wife.
My family has been AWESOME. Unfortunately, his have been AWFUL. Apparently someone told the Future-IL’s that I am a different race/culture — hello, this prejudice is NOT acceptable — and they have forbidden him to marry me and he must “choose.” This is the the way his dysfunctional family of origin operates: expecting blind obedience to the dictator and martyr, as a test of loyalty or something. The fact that any parents would make it about “choosing sides”/”betraying them”/”being disloyal” etc. is disturbingly selfish (we are in are 30s after all, and not to brag — i hear you, Miss Pearl!! — but I am a catch *smile* and good on paper, too). I bet they never figured therr (ridiculous) ultimatum would backfire. It never should of been about choosing but if they force it, now they know, he choses me.
I guess some couples face the parents vs. wife balancing/choice test (when opposite needs cannot both be met) later on over something — moving for a job, holidays, child-rearing, etc. I would not force him to make a life-altering choise among loved ones like that, they way they did (what good would that kind of “love” be if it wasn’t freely given, anyway?), but i must admit, in a way it’s nice to know he still chose me under such dire circumstances…
And now he is just so eager to start fresh, a new family — our own household — without all that baggage. At least we live far away! Silver lining — they refuse to attend the wedding (!) so they won’t be their to cause a scene or otherwise annoy us on the wedding day. Our wedding day is a fresh start, and peace.
Well I am not engaged yet but I don’t think my bf’s mom likes me either. We don’t talk much and she treats him like he is 5. He has the flu now and she asked if he wanted mommy to take him to the doctor?! He is 27. He doesn’t need mommy for that. She just overprotects him WAY too much and I am so annoyed with it. We all live together and I feel suffocated. But she did buy us a house (well for him, my name is not on the deed). Sorry. needed to vent.
I’m one of the lucky ones. I actually live with my future in-laws. My fiance lives at home, and since we both graduated college, I moved into one of his older siblings old bedrooms. His mom is amazing. His dad’s a little crazy, but usually in kind of a funny way.
My parents love him as well. They don’t really know him super well, since they’re in another state, and we aren’t able to travel often. But they know that he loves me and will take care of me. My mom hugged him when they first met. It was pretty cute.
My FILs have been wonderful to me and we get along great, I feel very lucky in that respect!
And just for the record, I’m Asian and my mom isn’t crazy. I don’t even know what to make of that stereotype.
In this case, I think it’s the son and daughter in law with the problem.
I would also like to say that I’m Asian and my mom is not crazy either.
Maybe I have a healthy sense of schadenfreude, but I find the website funny…kind of in the same way that the girl chopping off all her hair in that bridezilla video was funny (when it was “real”). The fact that three grownups can’t get over themselves for long enough to stop harassing each other and making a scene is like a longer, more complex version of “Cops.”
*shrug*
I guess I’m lucky I can laugh at the straight up insanity of life.
Luckily, we all get along, even our parents! But for those mom’s who’s toooooo involved their son’s life… that gives gf/future daughter in law/DIL a very hard time. And the only person who can stop the mom is the son…!
For eg, we recently moved into a slightly bigger apartment with an extra bedroom, and since then, the in law’s been staying over on weekends, and they want a spare key! I was a bit worried at first, but wanting peace, I went and made them a spare key! Surprisingly, my husband was the one who said don’t give him the keys! 
So I told him, he go and figure out to tell them! and not making me look like I said it! 
That website is so fake. But the fact that enough people believe it does prove the point that we can all relate to those crazy in-laws — they exist. There’s a reason that My Big Fat Greek Wedding and Everybody Loves Raymond have mass appeal.
When a FMIL/FFIL doesn’t like the FDIL/FSIL and there is no apparent logical reason… maybe it’s because it’s just so nice and convenient having one’s own son/daughter single so that the primary relationship and responsibilities are upstream, rather than downstream (to the spouse and next generation of offspring). Yet parents mistakenly attempt not to let the son/daughter grow up and build their own family with its corresponding priorities and responsibilities. This trend seems especially where “old country” expectations are expected to be perpetuated in the US. Yet, if our aging parents would just relax and enjoy watching the fruition of their years of labor raising a son/daughter to the point of responsible adulthood, they might just find that we — the younger generation — enjoy their company so much (without the clinginess, bossiness, nagging, micromanagement, criticism) that we ENJOY having them around and will bend over backwards to have them close as the MIL/FIL & grandparents in our lives and our children’s lives.
Thanks for listening.
I hope that website is fake. The sad thing is that it sounds real. Some people are like that–all gooshy “I love you” and “you’re my hero” and then nasty when it comes down to money.
We’re not married yet, but my parents love Mr. Pencils. When I told my mom that we were engaged, she said, “I get another son!!” My dad teases Mr Pencils mercilessly, and I think he understands that means my dad likes him. My dad would just ignore him if he didn’t like him. Mr. Pencils’ parents were divorced when he was a teenager. I get along fine with Mr. Pencils’ dad and I like his long-term girlfriend very much. Unfortunately, my FMiL died on Thanksgiving. She was very happy when we got engaged a few weeks earlier, and I was deeply affected at her funeral when I met her friends and coworkers who told me all the wonderful things Joan had told them about me. I couldn’t stop crying. She wasn’t a demonstrative woman, and could be difficult at times, but she was loving and a lot of fun. I’m very, very sorry she’s gone. She was much too young to die, only 62, of inflammatory breast cancer only a few months after diagnosis.
We just met each other’s families- we spent a week staying at the house with each. We didn’t get to spend too much time with my dad, but, he’s never really offered many opinions on my boyfriends… actually, he seems kind of continually shocked I’ve had so many (”well, I guess I could kind of see why people would find you cute… ” thanks, dad :-P). My mom LOVES him- he makes her laugh AND he did errands for her the whole time we were home. She was so sorry he left! His mom seems to like me - he sometimes asks me if I’ve been talking to her when we say the same things about things… I am not as sure about his dad… his dad intimidates the hell out of me. I don’t know why- probably because he’s just so different than I am. His pride and joy is his daughter, who was an athlete (he’s a coach). She also just had a beautiful wedding, while I sort of envisioned something a little less traditional for ours, so I am afraid our wedding, when it happens, won’t measure up :-/ I suspect, based on his comments about other people (like his son in law) he’d like to see me lose some weight… yup, wouldn’t we all! However, I would only be one of many things about my SO’s life that probably aren’t the choices his dad would have made for him. He told me his dad told him was he could see why we love each other so much, so, I am going to keep him in the “would probably like to change some things about me but is happy we are happy” camp and not stress it too much.
I am so blessed to be marrying into such a wonderful and loving family that has accepted me as part of the family since the day they met me. My in-laws have been like second parents to me for almost 3 years now; I even call them Mom and Dad. FI’s extended family is the same way. My family has also accepted him from the beginning, although he is not quite as close with my family as I am with his. Since we will be moving back to my hometown after the wedding (we are currently college students, both living away from our hometowns), he will have the chance to become closer to my family. But none the less, I am so glad we have not had any issues with family acceptance.
Wow, this kid seems like such as @rse! how on earth can he talk (well … email) to his mother like that. if its for real, she seems totally reasonable — what impresses me most is that she is standing up for the guy’s father (her ex-husband).
Unfortunately, mr. firefly’s mother died a few months before we got engaged (his father died several years ago) …
i don’t know the groom or the Mother but i know of the bride, and she is manipulative, conniving and quite a b****, she is only nice when she wants something, pretty fake girl; this website is real.
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Mrs. Pearl, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation: 26, High school history teacher
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 37, Software engineer
Engagement Date: No official date, we just decided :-)
Wedding Date: July 2007
Venue: St. Anthony's Greek Orthodox Church, Ritz Carlton Huntington Hotel
About Me: Mr. Pearl and I have been together for about four and a half years now. We've been "engaged" since 2004 and were originally supposed to get married in June 2006, but postponed the wedding to July 2007. I love shopping for housewares and office supplies, music, reading chick lit, football, and the diverse world of Los Angeles dining.
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