Weddingbee Blog

Eeeek, I’m sorry Miss Kiwi!!! I think my nonconfrontational side would figure that it wasn’t worth upsetting family, but I’d just try to proceed as best I could WITHOUT her for all other important decisions, and just let her stand up front but not do much else. Do you have any other close friends/family you can get to do traditional MOH things with you? Just explain to them how sucky your situation is and I’m sure someone else will want to step up! Just make a little comment in your program or something to show them how appreciated it is in the end!

Yup. Me. I fired MY future SIL, who was one of the BMs. Well, actually, she *fired* herself, not as in she actually said “I quit”. But she had said some pretty hurtful and unfair things to my fiance and me, and she knew she was burning the bridges at that time but she was too much a spoiled and selfish brat to care about it. So without anyone saying anything out loud, she knew she is no longer a bridesmaid. Even the rest of HER family understood why that is the case. Oh well. We need someone who truly cares and who’s truly happy for us to be there for us, not a fake, jealous person who is that self centered.

Thanks for all the responses everyone! Gellibelly, I think you have the right thought in mind, and possibly what I should ask her. J, it’s good to know I’m not the only one! tmt, I’m sure in most cases that’s right, but I spend a lot of time with my FMIL, without Mr. Kiwi. We often go to lunches, shopping, talk on the phone, email… so it’s different for us. She also spends a lot of time with my own family, and is invited to all family occasions, whether Mr. Kiwi is coming or not. So I guess it’s different for us, and my mom asked her to come. So I guess I’m lucky FMIL loves me so much! Either way it doesn’t really matter since it’s not relevant since the day has passed!

Hmm. This is a hard one, Miss Kiwi. I had a similar situation with my sister in law. She wasn’t a member of the wedding party (I only had two maids of honor) but before the wedding she was great, we were as close as I thought we could be as we live really far from each other but right before the wedding and during the wedding she was a nightmare, constantly voicing her opinion in a not very nice way. It definitely changed our relationship. If she had been in our wedding party which had been an early consideration, it would have been very difficult.
I would just do my best to get through your planning without her. As long as you continue to make an effort to include her, if she decides to cut herself out or be unpleasant that’s on her. If you “fire” her, that could possibly be something you have to deal with for years to come.
Good luck with everything and I hope she doesn’t give you too much trouble!

In high school, I (of course) told my best friend that she would by my MOH. We’ve grown up and apart, but we’re still friends. So when it came time to pick my maids, I chose my sister as my MOH. She wasn’t very happy with me and told me that she was “demoted”.

I don’t think you should “demote” or “fire” her. I think Emily Post would take you down. But maybe think about having 2 MOH’s. That way you’ll have someone you KNOW you can count on, and you’ll still be honoring the feelings of your current MOH.

Well, Sally, I thought the MOH’s job wasn’t just to be an extra hand at the wedding. I thought it was to support you up to the wedding, maybe give some input into wedding-type things, maybe have some idea of the dress she would like to wear, other than “Not strapless”. She hasn’t even called me once. She isn’t even being a friend at this point, so I don’t think I’m expecting too much at all. If I had any kind of input from her at all, maybe I’d agree with you.

that’s terrible. how about your other bridesmaids? can one of them pick up the slack? i understand how you feel. i have started delegating stuff or have begun specifically asking each bridesmaid to help with certain things bc i wasn’t getting the love. i don’t think i’m a bridezilla by any means but a simple, “can i help with anything?” would be nice.

I had a five girls. MOH is my sister and one of BM is soon to be SIL. They are family and totally wonderful! The other three are friends. I could totally fire 2 of the friends. I love them both but lets just say I would think again before asking them. They are unhelpful, rude and late to everything! Unhelpful is fine I have great family to pick up the slack but the late and being rude has me at about the end of my rope. We just ordered their dresses but I have 6 months to tell them to go ahead and forget about. It also makes me think twice about when they ask me to be in their weddings. I would want to be just as “helpful” as they have been to me.

Miss Kiwi it seems like this sadly is not an uncommon problem. I am totally dissappointed in one of my BMs who just refuses to participate in anything. I’ve sent email after email asking them all for opinions on BM dresses (you’d think she’d care about the dress she was going to wear, right?). Basically the only time we ever talk is when she needs something from me. Fortunately (or unfortunately I guess, who knows at this point), she lives accross the country from me, so at this point I’m just sort of “mentally” crossing her off and will expect nothing more of her than to show up.
At the risk of sounding bitter and cynical, I feel like the wedding process has really opened my eyes (and given me a big reality check) in regards to which people really care about me and support me. It’s dissappointing to say in the least to realize that certain people in your life are not exactly who you thought they were. And I’ve definitely learned what kind of friend/person to be towards my friends who are brides-to-be!

i’m with iris.