Weddingbee Blog

I’m sorry that this happened, and I can understand how upset you are. It is unfortunate that this boy has such closed-minded parents.

However, I also think that your statement that the ceremony was not “Jewish or Wiccan” was also very closed-minded.

The reason why the ringbearer’s mother is so off-mark and wrong is because she is being very ignorant about religion. Your statement made you seem very closed-minded as well. It should make no difference what difference the religion in question is. It would be just as wrong of the ringbearer’s mother regardless of your religious beliefs.

Isabelle–my original post had “(or lack thereof)” but it looks like Mrs Bee edited that out for clarity And I do know my FI’s family quite well–like I said, they’ve been nothing but nice and accommodating o our differing beliefs. Furthermore, I’m not at all “riding the fence”–atheism is a belief, but it’s not a religion

2 - Anonymous, I don’t think Miss Blueberry is showing any closemindedness. She was pointing out that she would understand if someone didn’t want their son participating in a religious ceremony that wasn’t their religion. However, she doesn’t understand why they don’t want their son participating in something that has no religious aspects whatsoever. Miss Blueberry wasn’t saying that there was anything wrong with Judaism or Wicca, merely that she thought it would be more understandable for someone to object to another religion that to a lack of religion.

Miss Blueberry - as an atheist myself, I sympathize with your position. I can’t believe this happened to you! I wish atheism and agnosticism were more widely accepted in our society.

Go Amie and Blueberry, I’ll pray that you are more accepted in our society!

I’m sorry this had to happen to you Miss Blueberry - I’m personally Christian myself, but I would never exclude family because of their beliefs (most of my family isn’t Christian anyway). Blood is thicker than water, and she should realize that you are ultimately going to become a part of the family. *sigh* It’s people like this that make me shake my head. I don’t think God would have ever pulled his own son out of anything because someone didn’t believe in Him.

I’m really sorry that this happened, Miss B. Religion can be such a touchy and personal issue - just looking at this thread shows how easily things can be misinterpreted! I have 2 comments:

1) Anytime I see/hear the word “apparently” in reference to a family issue, that’s a sure sign that things are getting passed from person to person and possibly misinterpreted. I don’t want to cause you any more pain or conflict, but would it be at all possible for you to talk directly to the boy’s mom? She might be able to explain her beliefs to you in a respectful way. I am planning an Interfaith ceremony, and certain people I care about have respectfully told me that they disagree with this decision - their opinion hurts, but when they explained their very personal feelings about religion and marriage, I ended up feeling a lot better. This woman probably doesn’t think you’re ‘big and scary’, but she may have strong feelings about marriage. If you can handle hearing them, maybe you can find a way to respect each other by the time of the wedding. She’s going to be in the audience anyway, so it would probably make your day better not to feel like there’s a hater out there!

2) One thing that really touched me in your post was your concern for the little boy. Imagine how confused he must be to hear that the ceremony he was so excited about is somehow not okay anymore! I am wondering if there’s another way for him to be part of the day, so he can still have something to look forward to - like maybe he can be part of a special dance during the reception, or can help you toss the bouquet. Maybe his excitement and your caring for him can also help you and his mom find some common ground.

I agree with MissBree. Your wedding will be great anyway.

I feel that sometimes certain individuals miss the entire idea of treating people equally, even despite different religious beliefs. you are still a loving individual and that should be respected as well.

“How can you not believe in someone you talk to every day??” - WHAT??

i’m christian also but i agree w/Blueberry (and Susan & Shannon) i think what they did was judgemental and wrong. especially when they had already promised to have their son as a ringbearer…besides, it’s your special wedding…
my sympathies….

it seems unfair that your ring bearer has been pulled out of the ceremony because you don’t share the same religion as your fiance’s extended family, but i can see why lacking religious belief would be considered the same as having a whole other religion.

either way, it’s not fair because even if you labeled yourself lutheran like your future in laws, it wouldn’t at all mean that you have the exact same beliefs as all other lutherans! i think that Lowy offered some great and really mature advice. i’m sure you’ll at least feel less like a victim of discrimination (which is a terrible feeling!) if you’re able to try to understand your future cousin’s decision. good luck with everything, and try not to let this issue get you too down. it sounds like you’re going to gain a wonderful immediate family, and i’m sure your wedding will be wonderful!

i had a similar experience as a child when my mother (she’s christian) wouldn’t let me participate in o-bon dancing (it’s technically a buddhist/shinto festival to honor the dead, but in reality it’s more like a japanese cultural thing (like how tons of non-christians celebrate christmas)) because she thought it might somehow make me buddhist. i consider myself agnostic in spite of not being allowed to participate, so it’s funny how things work out!