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Beehive Feature Launched: Aug 31, 2006 About: A forum for readers to post questions and get feedback from the hive, aka the weddingbee community.
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February 28th, 2007 @ 3:17 pm by Beehive

In today’s hive:

  1. Carrie’s FMIL is plus-sized, and is looking for an afternoon appropriate dress. A lot of the stuff online is cheap looking, dowdy, and outdated. Do you have any recommendations for good, fashionable plus-sized websites or store recommendations in NYC/NJ? Her budget is around $200.
  2. galphoto just got engaged and is looking for loft spaces that have an outdoor space as well (like Penthouse15) that allows 150 people. Also recommendations for a NYC caterer that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg.
  3. JW wants to know how much actual dancing/party time you allotted for your wedding.
  4. future mrs. c has a friend who is lesbian and married in Canada. She lives in Ohio now, and didn’t take her partner’s name, but they live together. How would she address the envelope?
  5. Amy wants to know if there are “normal” wedding times and days of the week. Would it be wrong to get married on a Friday morning?
  6. VivaLaMonkee is in need of an officiant for her June, Los Angeles wedding. Does anyone know any youth pastors or officiants that might be able to do it for around $100? Is that unheard of? The ceremony should be 15 minutes, and she’ll feed them.
  7. Grace is looking for advice on cool bridal party gifts.
  8. Miss Blossom just talked to a tailor who said she could alter a dress of any size to a 2P. Is that true - could she do it with a size 10 dress? She also said she couldn’t give estimate until she saw the dress - is that normal? What’s the average price for alterations?

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34 Responses to “Beehive”

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1.
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wsukarebear

JW-Not enough, IMO! Only three to four hours…but then I guess we quit while the going is good! I think that for non-dances, shorter is better…but for those of us who like to boogie, the fun never stops. ;-) I am seriously ready to go to the bars after the wedding if necessary to continue the fun, but I imagine I’ll be tired. ;-)

Amy-Friday AM is a very non-traditional time and you have to consider your guests to a certain extent…a lot will be working at that time and not all know you well enough to take the time off. The traditional day (Saturday PM) does mean a lot of brides pay more for their weddings…maybe consider a Saturday/Sunday AM or weekday PM? Unconventional but not unheard of! :-)

 
2.
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seattleaug11

Amy I agree with wsukarebear on Friday am. It would be hard to get a lot of people there. But if they are your true friends and of course family I am sure they will make every effort to be there for you. I have been to both Saturday and Sunday am weddings and those are fine. Only thing if you plan on having the ceremony in a church Sunday am may not work out. But the best thing of all is that you save a lot on the food budget since you dont have to feed a dinner menu!

 
3.
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Go Amie

Carrie - try igigi.com, kiyonna.com, Lane Bryant, sydneyscloset.com, plussizebridal.com (they have a mother of the bride/groom section), edressme.com (they have a plus size section), bluefly.com (you can search by size), and nordstrom.com. Your FMIL can also look into bridesmaids dresses; Watters has some that would be great for mother of the bride/groom, and sizes go up to 24. I like this one: http://watters.com/product.php?coll=watters&showid=404

Good luck!

And future mrs. c - just as you would any other married couple with two different last names; you use the appropriate title for each along with her name, and put everything on one line.

Ms. FirstOne LastOne and Ms. FirstTwo LastTwo
(or
Dr. FO LO and Ms. FT LT
or
Ms. FO LO and Prof. FT LT
etc.)

HTH!

 
4.
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cubangirl

Caroline: My FMIL likes the stuff from Alfred Angelo, but we haven’t bought her dress yet.

Mrs C– re: your lebsbian friends
Ms. Katherine Smith and Ms. Emily Howe
(Just treat it the same as if it were a straight married couple in which the woman did not take her husband’s name)

Amy– The most common times are obviously anytime Saturday or Sunday, or Friday evening. I would have no trouble with Friday morning, but it does mean all of your OOT guests will have to take Thursday and Friday off of work. If you want to avoid peak times, maybe Friday evening, or sometime on Sunday is possible? Unless you’re having a destination wedding, in which case I don’t think it matters.

 
5.
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newly_engaged

re: officiant. i think it’d be very difficult to find someone willing to do it for $100.

can you maybe have a friend get certified to marry you? i think you can do it online. or ask a friend of the family? a friend of a friend?

most officiants charge about $500.

 
6.
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Dani

Galphoto-

Try the Seamens Church Institute in NYC..www.seamenschurch.org.
I have heard great things about this space- you can rent it out¢¢â€š¬¦I am pretty sure you have to bring in your own caterer/vendors, but it may be worth looking into¢¢â€š¬¦
Good luck!

 
7.
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Guest
VivaLaMonkee

Thank you, newly_engaged! Ack! $500? Oh my gosh… we had a friend of a friend offer to marry us but it looks like he won’t be able to make it anymore… I had absolutely no idea that it would cost that much. I always thought it would be around $150-$200. Mr. Monkee and I don’t attend a church and so I’ve also found that pastors (won’t marry anyone that’s not a member of their church) and so that’s out of the question too. So frustrating…

 
8.
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sandy

Galphotot - try tribeca rooftop - http://www.tribec.com

 
9.
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Miss Lime

6. We are having a parent and uncle co-officiate ours, and the gifts we give them as a thank you will be more than $100. Most pastors, even if a “youth pastor,” should be given an honorarium of more than $100.

As newly said, get a friend ordained online for free at ulc.org. They can do it through the city, too, but that costs somewhere around $40+, depending on the city, I think.

 
10.
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Go Amie

VLM - you can try a celebrant (http://www.celebrantusa.com/), a justice of the peace, a mayor, or have a friend certified online. Some people will charge $500, some will charge a lot less; a mayor or JOP will probably be on the lower end of the price scale.

You could also try pastors at Unitarian Universalist churches; they are often more open to non-members.

Another option is to just do the legal part at city hall (or your local equivalent) and then anyone can lead the ceremony, or you two can forego an officient and do it yourself! I think people tend to forget that while the ritual, ceremonial aspects are normally tied to the legal aspects, they don’t have to be!
Good luck!

 
11.
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Grace

Hi everyone!

I was just wondering if anyone could offer advice on some cool bridal party gift ideas.

 
12.
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Miss Blossom

I just talked to a tailor about the alteration of a wedding dress. She told me that whatever size of the dress is, she can alter to my size. My size is 2P. Is it true? If the wedding dress is size 10, could the tailor really can alter to street size 2P. Beside that, she couldn’t give me the fee of alternation until she saw the dress. Is it true? What is the average price I expect to pay to the tailor? Thank you all!!

 
13.
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thistleorchid

Ms. C: It depends on what they’d like to be called. Two friends who were legally married in MA (both female) I addressed as Mrs. Full name and Mrs. Full name. In some married couples where the woman keeps her name, she still goes by Mrs. ie Mr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Jones to signify that she is married, although Ms. is always appropriate as well. I’d give them a call and ask them what they’d like!

 
14.
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CBeth

Side question stemming from the officiant’s fee comments: my FI’s dad is a Pastor and there’s never been any question that he’ll be the one to marry us. We don’t have a very large budget, and I know he wouldn’t let us pay him. We plan on getting him a gift, but I think if we spent more than $50 he would probably feel weird about it, since it’s his son and he told us he’s honored to be the one to do it. I don’t want to seem like I’m cheaping out, but I just feel like it would be strange to give him a large gift.

 
15.
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newly_engaged

i had no idea they were that much either. i thought we over paid until someone did a poll on the knot. =)

i think your best bet would be to ask a friend to get ordained to marry you guys and get him/her a gift.

 
16.
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Jane

VivaLaMonkee - I agree with newly_engaged and Go Amie about asking a family member or friend to lead the ceremony. A friend of mine did the same for her wedding… she had the civil ceremony at city hall and then had a wedding where she had a co-worker to lead the ceremony.

Just make sure to check the requirements for your area! Good luck!

 
17.
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jenny

6. we are also having a friend marry us. he will get ordained online first.

8. i bought a sample gown in a size 10 and my seamstress was able to alter it down to my size (0/2P). i think she’s right in asking to see the dress before she gives a quote. if there is a lot of beading then the alterations will be a lot more complicated. my seamstress is charging me ~$250 to take in the sides, hem and bustle my dress (which doesn’t have any beading by the way).

 
18.
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oojoy

8. It can be done, but you may lose some of the original structure of the dress, or pay a lot to keep it. I’m not saying you’ll pay a lot for sure. It really depends on the dress. I had a friend who bought a sample gown in a 10 and had it altered down to a 2, and it looked gorgeous, but it did cost quite a bit because there was a lot of beading on the bodice. I believe her alterations were somewhere around $800. Your seamstress is right in asking to see the dress first because the cost of alterations depends on if there’s beading, how much and where the beading is, whether it can be taken in at the back or if it needs to be taken in from the sides, what kind of material it is, etc.

 
19.
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Isabelle

Amy, you can get married any time of the week you’d like, but just keep in mind what would be convenient for the guests if you are having any besides the wedding party. I’ve been to a few weddings on a Sunday and one on a Thursday and one of a Friday night. It’s a great way to save money with your vendors, etc.

 
20.
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Aliya

Amy, if you want to have your wedding on a weekday morning, how about a Monday? That would mean that your guests would only have to take one day off work (that day), rather than the likelihood of having to take Thursday and Friday for a Friday a.m. wedding (esp. if travel and/or a rehearsal are involved).

 
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