Weddingbee Blog

I think guys perceive it as more of a loss than gals do. My FI is worried about losing his time with the guys: watching sports, playing video games, etc. I just keep assuring him that it will be a change and will take some getting used to, but I don’t think he’s going to suffer from it. I just have to keep reminding him that I’m not going to prevent him from having his guy time, but he just might not have as much as he does now. Part of this change isn’t just us getting married, though; we will also be transitioning from college life to “real” life about the same time as the wedding.

I think it is all perception, on both parts. When you and FI became serious about each other, you probably wouldn’t make plans without letting him know first, you wouldn’t contemplate a big move across country without considering him, you wouldn’t date anyone else, etc. And (hopefully) you were happy to consider his feelings (and vice versa) because you loved each other.

We all just get freaked out and start thinking of these compromises we made so easily before as “a loss of freedom” closer to the wedding because we start to think that something we once did because we wanted to, we will now *have* to do.

If you keep in mind that these are compromises and decisions you are choosing to make out of love for you spouse, it feels less like giving something up and more like gaining something new.

I don’t forsee any loss of freedom for either of us. We have been living together for several years, and he can still go out with his guy friends whenever he wants. Yes we tell each other first and make sure we aren’t missing any major plans with each other. But I don’t see that as a loss of freedom. It’s just showing respect to the person you love.

i totally agree with the ladies above. i dont see it as a loss of freedom but a sign of respecting your partner. when you are single, the mentality of i can do anything i want whenever i want too and not answer to anyone is something that can be seen as freedom. when you are in a relationship, you shouldn’t be answering to someone but considering their feelings. you should want to include them in your life by either making decisions together or listening to their opinions on a decision you have to make yourself.

i’m glad you posted about this since this thought of losing “freedom” weighed on me for a while. i have a chronic problem of wanderlusting and it saddened me to think that it’ll be much harder to take off and travel to a random country once married. His work schedule won’t allow much time for travel.

i recently realized, though, that i would rather just stay at home and be with FI than travel to exotic places by myself.

ha! this is what i say now. maybe in the end we’ll work out a compromise somehow and travel every other year or so, given finance and time.

I don’t know - it seems like all the “freedom” (e.g., having to check in, making plans, huge life decisions) was all lost when we moved in together. Even before that, really. Marriage isn’t going to change our relationship on those issues.

If anything, I think the freedom will increase. We’ve lived together for three years now and have figured out the me time vs us time already. Now that we’ll be married though, the freedom to decide to spend holidays and important family events together will be greater. Not easier, just greater. I haven’t spent a Christmas together with my FI because our families live so far apart and neither set of parents was willing to give us up at a time that has always been very important to each of us growing up and to our families. I can’t wait to spend Christmas *with* him and share my families traditions with him and vice versa. This isn’t to say it won’t be hard to do, parents are still heartbroken by the fact of us potentially not being there every other year, but still.

As to traditional freedoms, I whole heartedly agree with some of the ladies above - you know when you need alone time and when you need together time and you’re willing to give it to each other out of love and respect. I almost think that if you’re (not you specifically Ms. Peach, you as in the general you public out there) worried about loosing that freedom me time, then maybe you’re not ready for the commitment of marriage. Or at the very least, if you’re not ready to accept that and welcome it with open arms knowing that you each have the other’s best interests at heart, then it’s not that time yet.

I think it was 50 years ago men lost financial freedom–the man gained a woman he had to support, and the woman gained someone who was replacing her father as her financial support.

Now women can support themselves and can even make more money than their husband. Their are changes in life that both the man and the woman makes, both must make sacrafices. Overall the gain must be worth it though, or we wouldn’t do it

from what I learned in school, guys dont really lose, they give up, a lot of their social life. thats why when the wife dies, the men suffer more, women tend to keep more social networks and the network helps with coping…doesnt sound really happy….

For my marriage I lost most of the freedom because I have always been very easy going and he gets kind of up tight. So i do agree I believe it’s just based upon the person and who you are married to.