Wedding Blog
ARGGHH!! My bridesmaids are driving me nuts!! They aren’t responding to my emails, they seem indifferent when I ask them their opinion on dresses, but then when I finally pick one, they have all sorts of problems/differing opinions on it!!! Not to mention, we’re cutting it really close on the average 12 -16 week lead time on dresses! At this rate, they’ll end up going naked!
That’s it!
I’m going to try on the dresses in the store tonight, put them on order, and tell each of them to go get measured and get the dress that I pick! 
No more Miss Nice Bride!! It’s BM-butt kickin bridezilla time!
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Share this post: Vent: Bum BM’s
lol u sound like me… i told them theyre just going to have to be naked. haha
lol. so true. what bothered me the most was when the BMs seem to care more about looking good than about supporting me on the d-day. i know this is self-absorbed and all, but seriously, whose wedding is it anyway? sheesh.
I love all mine dearly, and I’ve just been too wishy-washy with them about dresses. They’ve finally just told me to be firm, choose the dress and tell them and they’ll get it. Of course, instead I’ve gone ahead and chosen five dresses, but I figure it’s the nicest way to be both compromising and firm about it. I’ve dictated color now, so no more round robin emails about that. And I’ve chosen the company and have offered to split some of the cost of the dress as it’s more expensive than what I originally had intended for them to spend. So we’re working pretty well together now, it just needed them telling me to firm up. So perhaps they’re happy with that now?
totally can relate…sometime you just have to decide and tell them this is how you want them to dress on your day of…next topic will be about shoes, hair, makeup, BM flowers…it’s endless…remember to be strong and just dont ask for their opinions but just tell them this is how you want them to dress b/c everyone can’t agree on the same thing…good luck
Absolutely! You had given them every opportunity to voice their opinions beforehand. They missed the chance to be part of the decision making process and so now they will wear what you pick! I fully support that. I have had some frustrations with my MOH, my one and only attendant, but the one area we have been very lucky is getting her dress. When I started looking for my dress I saw a sale rack in the boutique. I went over to look at them, found the perfect dress in her size, called her at work to come down and look at it, she did and loved it and so I bought it off the rack for $55! Done and done. I guess that is the great thing about having only 1 bridesmaid.
I hear ya. I want to stab some of my bridesmaids in the face. Wrong? probably.
Mine got a bit wishy-washy on me, too. I sent out emails without reply about this dress or that one. So finally I went to the store, tried on two and took pics front and back. Then I emailed those picutres and said, which one of these do you want to wear. They agreed, and that was that.
Bottom line is it’s your wedding and you get to do as you please…. If you ask to wear lime green, with a 80’s pony tail, BM’s have to do what is asked of the bride.
I am helping an engaged friend and believe me, the girl has eight including myself. I always tell her that girls are always going to complain….the color, style, the tightness, bareness of the back….I say…TOO BAD..DEAL WITH IT. IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, THEN DON’T BE A BRIDESMAID.
You go girl! You let them know who the BRIDE is and that you pretty much control what goes on!!
Plus, I’m pretty sure all the responses sum up what I was gonna say! *LoL*
Good for you!
I started out with the idea of letting the girls choose their own off-the-rack dresses as long as they are navy or navy/white, but only two of them actually looked for a dress on their own. I finally just told two of the other ones which Jcrew dress to get that would work best for their shape etc. Now I just have to find one more for my sister…
In addition, I emailed all of them to get their shoe and shirt sizes — you know, so I could buy them presents. I didn’t tell them that was the reason, but I am sure they figured it out. It still took two weeks and a couple VM messages to get the info. Humph, made me not want to buy them the stupid flipflops anyway. 
LOL OMG!
I second your emotion!
Your situation was much like mine, I would give them ideas they wouldn’t say “yay” or “nay” so I told them to pick one that they would like to wear and that didn’t get any response either…
So finally after 2 months of beating around the bush with them I went out without them and picked it out myself. I put it all on hold (we went off the rack @ Lord&Taylor) and told them all they need to do is to pick it up and pay for it… they didn’t even have to search the racks, they just had to go up to the register and say “I have a dress on hold for me under [bridesmaid's name]”
One week later I get a call from Lord&Taylor that nobody came and picked any of the dresses up and they were going to put it back on the floor… So I went out and picked up all the dresses and paid for it out of my own pocket… and dropped them all off to them personally…
$800 later… they love the dress and can’t wait to wear it!!! I, on the other hand, can’t wait for them to pay me back as our next installment for the caterer is due at the end of this month!!!
*nervously biting fingernails*
So I can afford to go Bridezilla on them at this point right? Since I’ve been doing everything for them!
Right?!?!?!?
Not to be mean, but, even though they are your friends, they just do not care about this as much as you do. They have lives and other things going on…your wedding is not their #1 priority.
It’s nice if they are on the ball and answering all of your e-mails right away with insightful opinions, but odds are they won’t. Just take care of it and tell them what to do, they’ll probably appreciate it.
same thing…also, dont you just wish there is someone who could tell BMs straight to their faces “TOO BAD..DEAL WITH IT. IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT, THEN DON’T BE A BRIDESMAID”….
*sigh*
i wish there is such a person to make your wedding planning much easier…i mean money spent on BMs is a lot and what do they do for you?
ok, does anyone know who thought of the idea that a wedding needs bridal party (BMs, GMs, ringbearer, flowergirl, etc…)?
This post may sum up my entire wedding planning experience. My bridesmaids/MOH have been one big disappointment. And I get that they have lives and my wedding isn’t their number one priority, but you know what? It’s my friggin’ wedding! Friendship is about being there for the person when they need you - and that means at the very least, showing plenty of enthusiasm when it’s required, being somewhat prompt when responding to emails or voicemails, and making some effort to plan at least ONE event. I am even buying their dresses and making it very easy for them. I often wish I had eloped so that my friends wouldn’t have been subjected to the test, because then I never would have had to know how much they would fail to live up to my expectations.
Having been a recent BM, I totally understand the “I have a life outside your wedding” mentality, but as a bride myself I feel your frustration Miss Plum! I say tell them beforehand about your plan, in a firm but friendly tone reminding them that the deadline is fast approaching and since nothing’s been agreed upon yet, you’re just going to forge ahead by yourself. Maybe they’ll realize how neglectful they’ve been and how it’s important that they participate in this (cuz really, BMs’ main jobs are to get the dress and plan the shower/bach parties. all that “support the bride” stuff is easy enough to do w/o trying). As long as you make that clear, at least they won’t secretly call you names behind your back and you can move on w/ your wedding plans.
fake name, that’s horrible! I can’t believe they couldn’t do that ONE FINAL LAST step! Yes, go and get your money!!
I am with Jessica. Lets face it, no one cares about our weddings as much as we do. I am really lucky to have BM’s that live near me and communicate well (for the most part) via email. But as a previous poster mentioned, where does it say you need more than one BM? Technically you only need a witness. I understand the pressure, believe me, of asking certain friends and what not. And I also know it’s fun to involve certian friends and family. This is a safe zone for venting, I just can’t believe how some of you are laying into women who are your friends!
I understand the frustrations and since we’re all adults I think adult conversations are in order: “So-and-so, I asked you to be a BM because I love you and I knew we’d have a lot of fun! I am trying to get this done so that you all actually have a dress to wear. Please get measured by X date or plan on walking down the aisle naked.” Explain actually getting a flattering dress that will fit, or having you order a dress that will cost more money in alterations later…
You may be paying for everything and that is a wonderful gift, BUT, again it’s for your wedding. 96% of dresses are not really able to be worn again. The jewelry usually matches the wedding…sorry ladies, I have been in six weddings and I guess if I knew any of my bride friends had said this about me, I would be mortified.
Of course, if every person involved in a wedding read an etiquette book, was online as much as we are, or took a wedding-related crash course they would know what we know and would be as helpful as we expect. 
Is that too much to ask?!?!
SO yep same thing here. It has gotten to the point I am just going to go put half the cost down so they can at least be ordered. I think so far out of all the wedding plannning stress my BM’s have caused me the most. Not that I don’t love them, but a little help here pelase girls? I feel like I am drowning in lace, flowers and frilly things and my girls are nowhere around to come save me!
this is the meanest, most vicious, petty entry i have ever read at weddingbee, and i am horrified at the number of people who think this behaviour is acceptable.
if this is the way you treat your friends and think about them, i can’t imagine how you possibly have any friends at all. if your friends cannot or will not do something for you, you don’t assume the worst or that they wish evil on you — that’s what enemies do, not friends.
if you would like them to do something, you ask them, just as you would ask a friend to do anything for you.
I don’t want to be too mean to BMs. this isn’t a business relationship. It’s a friendship. Friends don’t always follow the 24hour rule we require of our vendors.
Recently I’ve been surprised by brides I’ve known (not saying this is anyone here) who asked acquaintances or new coworkers to be BMs and were disappointed these women didn’t act like best friends. They’ve demanded expensive showers, dresses and bachelorette parties and resented that they’ve needed to pitch in money to acquire said items because their BMs literally couldn’t make ends meet. That’s crazy.
I’m in the opposite position. I’ve been a bridesmaid in two weddings and since the brides are so low key I’ve had nothing to do. I want to be helpful, but it’s such a small wedding, there’s not much at all. Sigh.
It seems that a number of people are misreading this post. You can be disappointed in people without being petty. You can be hurt without being mean. On one end of the spectrum, you may have your bridezilla who makes unrealistic expectations of people. On the other end of the spectrum, you may have your bridesmaids who are (probably inadvertently) hurting the bride by being too wrapped up in themselves to notice what the bride may need.
It seems like Miss Plum is being pretty reasonable here, and asking her bridesmaids to respond to emails and show some level of support in picking out dresses isn’t exactly an unrealistic bridezilla-esque demand. It’s a far cry from expecting them to take her to Paris for her bachelorette party.
I am sorry hm, my post wasn’t meant to be mean. This post did serve a very good purpose though because it shows a common problem. My BM just decided she didn’t want to put the $70 down on her dress so she told me it would be easier for me if she just weren’t a BM. I find solice in the fact that other BMs may be difficult as well and it may only be natural that when you are getting stressed out about you wedding you find out who your real friends are.
rymang06 - that is very true. Although we had some minor troubles at the start, the dress we ended up picking is $350 and all of my BM paid it with no complaints…
well 1 complained, but that was more bc her fiance was complaining about the price tag, but she ended up getting it anyways. They all know that when the time comes for their wedding i’ll be happy to spend whatever amount on a dress and/or wear whatever dress they so choose, regardless of its attractiveness
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Mrs. Plum, Dallas
Age and Occupation in 06: 22, Accountant by day/Floral and Event Designer by night and weekends
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Security Admin
Engagement Date: December 31, 2004
Wedding Date: June 29, 2007
Venue: Marie Gabrielle Restaurant and Gardens
About Me: I have been engaged for about two years now - yes, a long engagement, because my fiance and I wanted to wait until I graduated college, which I did this past summer! He proposed after dating just two months - crazy, I know, but 2 years later, here we are, still crazy in love :-). We are having not one, but TWO weddings and TWO receptions in one weekend - American-style and Vietnamese-style - in Dallas, Texas, where I was born and raised!
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