Wedding Blog

We had pretty much the exact same situation Miss Emerald!! But Mr. Bluebell’s family offered to pay for the vast majority of our banquet, so we’re letting them do it essentially how they want (with gobs more guests than the western wedding). It will also be in NYC to be more accessible to all their friends/family who might not be able to travel for the wedding, so we’re having it a whole month apart since we couldn’t swing a way to get that many people back and forth between NYC & six-hours-away upstate. I also thought it was an odd sort of segregation between the families, but it turns out my family is really gung ho about the banquet, and so far it looks like all of his (relatively close) family who are invited are coming to the wedding! So it’s all good! And now I’m thinking I should blog about this…hehe. But yeah, we are going to NOT do any cheesy games, and not even have a DJ, just have a nice simple dinner with ten million people and have that be it!

were doing the same as the person above us (?) we are having a destination wedding in hawaii then we have to come back and have a banquet for 500 ppl… i had the biggest headache on sunday because we met to discuss the chinese banquet and the inlaws wanted to invite so many more ppl… ppl that prob have no idea who we are… it SUCKS and it sucks because i hate the traditional way of where all the money goes to the parents because they paid for the banquet… wheres MY presents!

Wow! I am so excited to find other brides going the destination wedding route AND Hawaii too! I’m getting married in Hawaii in about 2.5 months and then 3 weeks after we return we’re having a pretty full-on Chinese banquet. The banquet is mostly for my mom and maybe my dad (okay def. my mom) and we’re going to include my FI’s family as not many are going to Hawaii and we can use it as an opportunity to expose my FI’s family to the culture. I’m getting my wedding in Hawaii so there are few demands for the Chinese banquet. What worked out for us is that we’re paying for the banquet so the gifts will be ours to keep no weird traditions to deal with. The avoidance of certain traditions (most behind the scenes ones) are a result of my FI (because he’s not Chinese) putting his foot down to antiquated rituals.

I’m still struggling with whether to do this. I’m very comfortable with the bigass parent guest list; FH is not, but I wonder if doing it all at once is easier logistically.

If yours is an interracial reationship, then be careful — merger & integration of everyone is key. Starkly separate events will ring “problem!” to guests.

Ha, when I read “Western” at first I pictured a ho-down… crazy theme.

wow. what is it with chinese parents and wanting to invite a ton of people! i once talked to my mom about having a small intimate destination wedding and she flatly said, no way you are having a big wedding and at least 150 guests. im going to have to put my foot down because i plan on splitting wedding costs and there is no way that i want a whole bunch of people that i dont really know or don’t really want there!

If you would like to think in Western terms, some couples often “announce” their marriage after it has happened and hold receptions after the fact. Personally though, if I were you, I would rather do the banquet later, after your honeymoon or a few months after your marriage, not the day after your Western wedding because it will look weird to have people in town that weren’t invited to your Western wedding and vice versa, plus you will probably be exhausted.

we’re paying for the wedding ourselves (to follow suit after my older sisters) so we were allowed free reign over what to do. all of my cousins and sisters did either a western reception or a chinese banquet (with a western ceremony), but not both. i think it would be different if my parents were paying and decided to have a separate one. i know my sisters had a lot of pressure inviting people from our side they didn’t even know - when my sister got married she invited someone she didn’t know and they brought 7 people with them!! i think my parents realized how difficult it was and have definitely eased off me. however, his parents have 5 and 7 siblings so his family is HUGE, plus he’s the oldest, so his mom is all excited and wanted to invite everyone. but in the end it came down to the fact that we were paying and even with inviting close family/friends it’s over 200 people, so we got final say.

instead of having two, my fiance and i are having a western wedding but with chinese elements (lucky bamboo in the centerpieces, etc.)

i agree with nancy about having the second one later, it will definitely be stressful having two parties (even if the second is more casual).

Parents simply don’t understand the culture conflicts from growing up in the US. We all saw father of the bride and all those walk down the isle scenes and envisioned that our wedding day will be the same. NOT! Western weddings have the same conflicts and control issues. It all boils down to expectation and understanding. Parents and children do not understand who wants what. Instead of fighting, most people just give in to appease their parents. I just went to a wedding and it was a disaster! It was too crowded and the food was horrible since the restaurant could not preserve the quality of the food given the number of people. I would advise people to keep it small. It is only one day and there will be so many moments in life that trumps the wedding day.