Weddingbee Blog

I don’t know, I’m always wanting and he … never is. Props on this post, hopefully someone will post something that’ll help me =/

I’m not sure what help I can be of…we were like rabbits in the beginning, but that’s because we were both virgins! lol….it’s been over two years, and it hasn’t really been lacking. I don’t know what does it for Mr. Kiwi, to ’spice it up’ or what have you, but good luck!

Something I didn’t mention in the last post but I think has a significant impact is the pressure we put on ourselves to “perform.” I know this is having a negative impact on my desire, but I have no idea how to snap out of it. Chris would like to have sex every day but says he could settle for 3 or 4 times a week. I personally feel really into it maybe once every 3 weeks and feel like I’m compromising by having sex once a week. Even though he doesn’t complain all the time and is always happy when he DOES get some action, I feel very pressured by the 3-4 times a week expectation that the pressure just reduces my desire. Because hello? Telling yourself you’re not sexual enough or not keeping your man happy doesn’t exactly help with setting the right mood or atmosphere. And for me and many women, frame of mind is very important to enjoyable sex but it’s a very fragile thing and can change very quickly.

So far the only solution I’ve come up with, and it kind of works, is to point out to Chris that we have very different schedules. He works from home and can sleep in till whenever he feels like getting up. I work 8:30-5 pm and have to get up at 6:30 every morning. I also function VERY BADLY on less than 8 hours of sleep, so needless to say, I’m not too receptive when he sidles up to me at 11 pm looking for some nookie. Sometimes a little shakeup to the routine is a good thing - why not having a quickie early in the evening when I get home from work? I frequently wonder if I’d be a lot more into it if we were on permanent vacation and I didn’t have to worry about schedules.

Laura (commenter #4) I’m thinking I will start going by Laura S to avoid confusion, since we both post quite a bit! Anyway just had to laugh at the part where you said your sweetie doesn’t understand why you’re not excited by the mere thought of being with him.

If I had a penny for every time I heard “but it feels so good, why wouldn’t you want to do it all the time?!?” I would be a very rich woman!

http://www.weddingbee.com/2006/11/01/reader-buzz-sex-life/?pollresult=196

here’s an old poll/post we did on sex lives that you all might find interesting.

as for our sex life… hmmmm…. i’ll just say that you gotta actively work at it like everything in your relationship. you have to communicate and put in the effort.

Hey there gals. So I’m glad to see we’re not all goin’ at it like bunnies, even though it’s nice to see SOME are! I wasn’t feeling good about myself, but only because I’M the one who is nudgin’ on Mr. Kiwi. I felt unattractive and overall very unwanted. Then I saw how quickly he’s been falling asleep and how hard it is to keep himself awake when he gets home.

It seems that having a sex-life that is stalled momentarily makes people think we’re not affectionate at all. We snuggle all the time, and kiss constantly. I hug him all the time. We’re always holding hands, too. I think we’re so tired. And like a previous poster said, there will always be sex, but not always an Office marathon!

I think that what goes from the relationship before sex is making out. We noticed we haven’t been making out as much since living together. We have made an effort to do that more (for example, we have a rule: must make out when in the elevator alone) and it has made a difference. I find it puts me ‘in the mood’ more than if I have to go from 0-60 in a few minutes (also, we ride the elevator more :)).

FI is definitely more frisky than I am, but I think we’ve struck a balance. Honestly, it’s a balance with frequency greater than I’d like, but it’s workable for me. I just picked up this book “I’d Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido” by Joan Sewell. Haven’t dug into it, yet, but it looked pretty interesting.

Great post! This is one of the only “issues” that we have. I am in my 3rd year of law school, planning a wedding and we are also building a house in a different province than we currently live in. Needless to say, I have very little free time and when I do I am not really in a generous mood! Our love life definitely slowed down when I started law school but now it has come to a screeching halt. We are very affectionate together (snuggling, kissing at the door when he comes home, holding hands etc) but finding time for actual sex has been difficult. When I have time or energy he is at work or playing hockey or sleeping. When he has time or energy I am in the middle of a paper, talking to my Mom on the phone about wedding plans or trying to get him to look at floorplans or lighting fixtures or flooring. To his credit, he is very understanding and I am so grateful that he is so secure that it isn’t that big of a deal to him. Thank God I graduate in April, although - then we will have the crazy hours of an articling job to deal with.
I guess that we are pretty lucky in that we are both willing and able, our only enemy is time so (as far as I know) there is absolutely no question about whether we still *want* each other.

I saw an episode of King of Queens and the wife (with the husband discreetly prompting) decides to take a stripper pole dance class.

Well, it doesn’t quite work out for the “fire” b/c she sucks at it…and he is not turned on hah…I thought it was a great way to show that sometimes the “passion” is harder to acheive when you’ve been together for a while.

I’m sure Miss Kiwi that when you’re on your honeymoon, you’ll find some of your passion again. Why not abstain until then ? See what happens!