Wedding Blog
Hey Everyone. As you saw from my post yesterday about possibly marrying in the church, I have a meeting today with the Father. I’m very bad about meetings, I get flustered and tend to shut in on myself. So, I’m going to go with a prepared list of things the comments already made me think about, like these:
What is the dress code for the ceremony? May I wear a strapless dress?
What are the rules for rose petals (even though I don’t really know if I want them)?
How about aisle decorations? What can we do/not do?
What types of classes will we have to take prior to the wedding, and why?
Will we have to undergo counseling prior to the wedding?
How does the marriage certificate get signed and sent?
What are the rules regarding throwing rice (or other substitute) after the ceremony?
Can we not do the communion, or is that a must?
What do you guys think? What other questions am I overlooking?
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That’s great you made a list. So did I. I brought a notebook with me as well, so when he answered my questions, I wrote the answers down in case I don’t remember because I was so nervous talking to him. He was so kind. He told me that I didn’t have take notes, that he would answer anything I wanted to know. Since he was used to so many weddings, be pretty much told me everything I needed to know. And he provided a booklet with the “rules” of the church ie. flower petals, dress code. He told us all about pre-cana and where to attend, etc.
Don’t worry. You’ll be great. Good luck!
As a photographer, I just have to add:
What will the restrictions be for the photographer? Will they be allowed to use flash? Where will they be allowed to stand/move during the processional and during the ceremony? Will I be allowed to take formal photographs around the grounds? How much time will be allotted for photographs before and after the ceremony?
Good luck!
Good call Jillian. That reminds me.
Are you allowed to have a receiving line? Will the videographer be allowed a tripod?
(Our church won’t allow a receiving line or tripod)
Which church are you going to? The LA Diocese has a lot of answers to the general questions on their website at: http://www.la-archdiocese.org/prayer/sacraments/family/marriage/index.html
That should cover some of the details you’d need… but each parish has their own little worksheets and packets for preparation.
You should also ask what costs (aka. donations) are involved for the preparation (usually $100-200 donation) and the ceremony (site fee & donation for officient) etc.
And as for advice on the communion from a “modern” Catholic priest here in Westwood… having the communion or not should be based on the guests attending not on the couple. It would be rude to have something that 1/2 the guests would not be able to engage in, and there is no difference in the sanctity of either ceremony.
Make sure you check about music. I looked at one place that only allowed religious music, nothing secular.
Despite what you think, my priest had said that you don’t necessarily have to have a formal wedding mass (with communion), but most people do it anyway.
Plus, the wedding ceremony is something that’s important to the family/couple. I have to disagree about it being rude not having everyone receive the communion. People will understand and respect it.
Other religions like the Episcopalians may welcome everyone (regardless of their religious backgrounds) to receive it. Catholics on the other hand believe that unless you understand and truly believe in the communion, you shouldn’t take it. I’ve been to religious and non-religious wedding ceremonies and usually the people are respective about whatever traditions or methods the family or couple decide to choose.
You could ask the priest to customize the ceremony a bit if it’s important that it’s not too formal. No harm asking. Good luck
I’m getting married in a Catholic Church and had to attend an engaged encounters class. When i met with the father he didn’t speak to my fiance and i about the actual wedding day, rather he just got to know us and gave us some advice on how to make our marriage more successful. We had to meet with the coordinator of sacraments later on. Turns out my parish is very strict, such as no rentals of any type, all flowers must be real, no recorded music, musicians must be approved by the parish (we hired the parish muscian for an additinal $125).
I’m sure they’ll have a list on top of all the questions you will have.
Also my parish asked if i would like a full mass or a simple ceremony (without communion) i’m sure you’ll get that option as well.
I grew up without any religion, however my fiance is Catholic, I thought it would be very meaningful to my future in-laws and my fiance if i gave his faith a chance. I went through the RCIA program and learned a lot about the Catholic faith and really enjoyed it. I was recently baptized and found that it was a very wonderful experience.
I’d also ask, if it is important to you, how much you will be able to customize your vows. I know all Catholic Churches follow the traditional vows, but some are stricter than others, in so far as how much you can add after or before the fact, the speaking from the heart part.
Also, in dealing with much heartache with the decor and our church, I’d ask if you are able to attach things to the pews, and if you will be forced to donate your altar arrangements.
That list looks thorough, but I’m confused why you would refuse communion in church? What’s the point of being in church?
Check about someone to run sound, at my church I had to contact the person to run the sound board separately, and his “thank you gift” was not included in the site fee.
Also, it was “highly encouraged” that the organist/pianist be one of the ones who regularly plays for services. Since I really like the regular organist, I didn’t push to see exactly what “highly encouraged” meant.
Ladies, I thought that if one person is not Catholic, there can’t be communion. It won’t be a full mass. That was what I was told.
Hey guys, thanks for all the help with this. Isabelle, I’m not thinking about refusing communion, but as Miss Lemon and Snow Pea said, I am not catholic, I touched on this in my last post about this. Also, our guest will be most likely 75% non-Catholic. And as Snow Pea said, I thought communion wasn’t done if one member wasn’t Catholic.
Unfortunately, our Father was called away at the last minute, and moved our appointment to Monday, so I’ll let you guys know about it.
I participated in a Catholic wedding this past summer. This is what her’s was like:
~Aisle decs were clipped onto the pews
~Bride and BMs wore strapless gowns
~They did a class, I can’t remember what it was called
~No rose petals or communion.
Oh, and one thing that we didn’t know ahead of time is that one of your attendents that sign your marriage license must be Catholic. None of the groomsmen were Catholic, and even though I was the MOH, I was not allowed to sign because on of the BMs was so she signed. I was disappointed that I didn’t get to sign her license.
There are 3 options to choose from: 1) with mass 2) outside of mass for baptized Christian 3) outside of mass between baptized & non-baptized Christian
Oh… and also ask if you must select your readings from a preselected list.
Most churches should have a pamphlet or website with their policies and procedures. Definitely ask for a copy of it (read in advance if possible) and then your list of questions should be considerably shorter, and you will get off on the right foot with the priest.
Your list contains some questions that turn on religion and other questions that turn on practical procedures.
The Catholic wedding ceremony (with or without mass) is very beautiful, and there are sound liturgical and practical reasons for the “rules” so it’s good to go into the meeting open-minded. It’s not that a priest is trying to ruin or control your wedding with their rules — they apply the rules uniformly for all weddings to uphold the ideals of their faith and office, and that is what makes the Catholic wedding special. There is a lot of choice in what readings and music (religious) you select. The pre-Cana premarital counseling was AWESOME, and we got so much out of it.
I’ve been to plenty of Catholic weddings where there are strapless gowns (that said, priests gush with compliments when they see shawls and covered cleavage/shoulders), because it’s that much more respectful of the sacrament/modesty/virginity, etc.
Because communion in a Catholic mass is to be taken only by Catholics (in good standing, etc.), it’s not encouraged to start off a marriage with a Catholic mass unless both the bride and groom are Catholic. (Otherwise your first act as a married couple is to have one person perform a religious practice without his/her spouse — awkward.) However, some priests might be willing to do so. Since you are not Catholic, the priest will probably steer you towards a non-mass ceremony anyway, so I wouldn’t focus on this too much.
Check these out:
http://www.engagedencounter.org/
http://www.nccbuscc.org/prolife/issues/nfp/index.shtml
http://www.americancatholic.org/features/Sacraments/Marriage.asp
Hey Miss Kiwi,
Unfortunately, now you have a whole weekend to stew on all these questions. Don’t worry and think about all the “rules”. Once I talked to him, I was so happy and relieved. Iris put it very well. He’s just going to talk to you, get to know you, ask you questions about your family and see if this is something for you. I really enjoyed this. He’s probably done weddings before and knows the drill. Just let him talk and listen. He’ll tell you everything you need to know. Just to relieve you of some of your questions. For us, the MOH and BM signs the marriage license the day before the wedding and he keeps it with him for the ceremony the next day (as well as the wedding bands). His office clerks will be responsible for mailing it in etc. And the MOH and BM do not need to be Catholic. He says they act as witnesses for the state. In the eyes of the Catholic church, you will be married already after “the blessing” (sorry I don’t know the word off the top of my head) even before the “will you take him, etc”. We’re required to attend precana from an outside source but other friends of ours have had their precana done by their priest marrying them.
Agree with Miss Snow Pea. You are married as soon as the second person says his/her vow. You marry each other (confer the sacrament on each other); it’s not that the priest marries you.
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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