Weddingbee Blog

Trust me, your fiance is the norm. I am having the same issues with mine. One thing that I started to do was giving him one task each week. For instance on Monday I would ask what his/our plans are for the weekend. If he makes the mistake of saying “no much” or “nothing planned during the day” I would suggest that on Saturday he make an appointment at a tux shop. Or better yet you make the appointment and tell him what time it is. If you are to vague they get overwhelmed and dont do anything. Dont do it all but do enough that he still feels like he did it himself.

Yeah I’d just say “do you think you can get the DJ picked out by the end of the week” or “let’s meet with our top two DJs next weekend and decide”

I find putting him on a timeline either forces him to find the time during the week to do it, or makes him do it Saturday morning before I get the chance to nag him about it. Either way, it’s done and I’m happy

Oh how I feel you Miss Raspberry. I too have gone through little petty arguments with Mr. Apple’s lack of interest in wedding responsibilities. Overall, he’s doing his part but it takes 8-10 times of repeating myself before it gets done.

For me, I can’t push/nag Mr. Apple to much - cuz it’ll just get on his nerves and honestly no one likes to be nagged at (inclulding myself). LB gave great advice - give them timelines by the end of the week or the day. This has worked for Mr. Apple. Also, you have to pace them accordingly - don’t give them too many at one time because then it’ll just overwhelm him. And sometimes you have to make it a “fun” event for them. I know tuxedo rentals aren’t much fun but honeymoons are and tell them you’re super excited about it and hope he’s working on fiinding the perfect activities to do.

Anyways, you get the idea. =) Good luck, i’m positive it’ll work itself out - it’ll work out in the end!

LB, I love it! I do the same.

Hey hon, what are you doing today? Uhh nuttin much, I have to make some phone calls.

Oh, when you’re done, can you clean the bathroom?

Uhh

Thanks!

(darn)

Lol you guys’ responses were hilarious to read - these boys totally need babysitting to get their wedding stuff done don’t they?

My fiance doesn’t really LOVE being told what to do, but he also says he has no idea what needs to be done so he does ask me to give him lists. So one of my strategies so that he’s more likely to feel like he’s helping with things he is good at is I give him a list of several things that all need doing by the end of the week (or month, or day, or whatever the time frame is) and ask him to pick half of them and I’ll do the other half. Then he feels like he chose his own chores. Of course if there’s something to be done that he has no clue how to do or I really want to make the final decision myself I just leave that task off the list of options for him!!

I have found that’s he’s pretty horrendous at scheduling appointments himself but if I book them for him, he’ll go without any complaints. So that’s another thing to consider.

I completely agree with the give him one thing at a time, but I think Laura has the best idea with letting him pick, because honestly I can’t see my guy calling for dance lessons, but calling the DJ is right up his alley and he would be far more willing to get that done in a timely manner. Also I would consider putting a calendar on the fridge, they have awesome dry erase ones, with dates of when things need to be done and then you can both work from the schedule and cross things off when they are done.

This is how I got my SO to make the bed every single day now–I spent probably a week making it myself when I got home from work, and told him it really stressed me out and made me sad that I felt like I had to take care of all of the housekeeping stuff. Then, I asked him to make the bed one day as I was leaving the house. Then I thanked him profusely that night for actually making it, telling him how happy it made me(totally dorky, I know, but I really feel better about our crap apartment when it is tidy), and how much more energy I had as a result. And then I kept thanking him every time he did something around the house. Worked like a charm–he makes the bed every day, evening FOLDING the t-shirt I sleep in, AND he will now do other stuff like the dishes. Positive reinforcement really really works! And it is so much less stressful for me than nagging about stuff.

Early on in the wedding planning process, we went through this issue - me nagging and him procrastinating and me worried we’d lose a venue, vendor, etc. because of the procrastination - too much stress, too many tears, and it wasn’t fun for either of us.

So, since we both work in tech, we decided to pretty much run wedding planning the way we would any other project — regular meetings, agreed tasks and assignments, agreed`soft and hard deadlines, and regular follow-ups. Excel is our friend (we should make it an honorary member of the weddig party - we use it to track our wedding spending, and as a project management tool.

When Grant sees his name next to a task, with an upcoming deadline, it motivates him in a way that all my gentle nagging in the world can’t accomplish. And when we have our next meeting, if there are red cells where either of us missed a deadline, the look of disappointment on the other’s face ensures it doesn’t happen again — for us, it’s just a way to keep organized, and continue to demonstrate respect for one another.

The hardest thing is not doing a task for him, (perhaps because I have a couple of minutes to call the jeweler, but it’s on his list) - that’s just a path I don’t want to head down, because, to me it’s a way of intimating that I don’t respect his ability to do what needs to be done (plus, I don’t want to set a pattern of inequal behavior in the marriage — planning events, dinner parties, home improvement projects, vacations, etc. falls on both our shoulders)).

Ladies,

You have been so resourceful! Thank you for the tips!

That is just like my FI. I have been doing the majority of the planning and am really stressed out. So I delegated certain things for him to do (some things he volunteered for) but they’re not getting done!! We’re up to 2 mo left and we don’t have an officiant, limo, dance lessons, hotels, honeymoon and his guestlist is not even complete!!! He thinks just as long as he got the DJ (which he didn’t even have to look for. Recommended from friend’s wedding), that’s enough.

I had been nagging like crazy and he’s slowly inching away. I started posting a billboard with tasks still to do. I have mine, his and ours. I think that helped him get an idea of how much more there is to do. He even volunteered for a couple more things when he saw a majority of it I was working on. He does know how stressed I am, but thinks I’m making a fuss over nothing…argh!

Let’s see if he’ll complete anything….or should I just do it myself….:-/