Wedding Blog
Regarding our new ceremony, I have sent out emails to my close family and friends - a sort of “heads up” if you will. As I’ve stated before, my family isn’t religious and hasn’t been to church in eons. So the email I sent said this: “Just to give you guys advance notice, Mr. Kiwi and I have finalized our ceremony plans. We are now marrying in a Catholic Church, the one Mr. Kiwi grew up in. We are trying to make the ceremony as personal as possible, which may mean verses from the bible, as well as references to God. We know that some of you aren’t religious, so we will try to have the ceremony be as painless (for all involved) as can be.”
Sending that email I was a little nervous, assuming I’d be judged. But the responses I’ve received so far have been amazing, and have clued me into some of the family histories. One of the most touching responses came from my brother, who is a world away in Sydney, Australia. He said that if people aren’t comfortable being in a church long enough to watch me get married, then they can just not come. Although we were raised the same, faith-wise, this touched me because he understood, and somehow protected me from all the way across the globe. I also received a response from his wife, my sister-in-law. She told me that she was a lapsed Catholic, and to not worry, everything will be okay. Turns out support can be where you never expected it from.
We’ve canceled the tent for the service, which I was a little worried about - I thought they’d be angry or charge a fee. Amazingly enough, we’ll be saving money getting married in the church, since it was $650.00 alone to just rent the tent, not counting the officiant and music.
I’m still in the process of choosing the readings, and was a little daunted when I got to the “you must declare your choice of raising your children Catholic during the ceremony” part. So far so good, though.
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I had that same little twitch when I saw the children part. I don’t know if I want kids, how I’d raise them, etc. but I hate the idea of being forced to say that.
My next pre-cana course is all about kids. I am a little nervous about that.
Awww that’s nice that your brother & SIL are making you feel better!! But I agree with them, don’t be nervous!! I never went to church & wasn’t raised religious but I’ve been in plenty of churches for weddings etc, and I really think most people think of it as “normal” to the extent that it’s just one of those things a ton of other people do, so you shouldn’t worry about them! So you’re the only one who might feel weird - but I’m sure it’ll be fine!!!
Please blog about the readings you choose. I think its such an important part of the day, but we often talk more about centerpieces. I would love to hear about the readings you chose and why. Also, im so glad to hear how supportive your parents are being. My FI is Jewish, and my family is mostly Episcopal. I definitely know what it feels like to be concerned about how your family will adjust to the traditions that might be incorporated into the wedding.
I meant how supportive your family is being, not parents specifically, but your brother and his wife
Not sure the “disclaimer” email to your guests was necessary; it just invites people to opine on what should bee none of their beeswax (nod to WeddingBee). Just be decisive and factual about your choice to have your wedding how you want it without feeling obligated to explain anything to other people.
The fact that a wedding (or funeral, etc.) is held at a church should not be shocking to a guest whose obligation is to show up and be respectful (whatever their religion or non-religion). Even non-religious people might be non-characteristically traditional/spiritual at these moments in their lives…. Or super religious people might choose to get married in a non-religious setting. Whatever the host’s choice, no guest should have the nerve to question or criticize. The selections pertinent to the ceremony are specific to the COUPLE, not the guests. Can you imagine being invited to a wedding of a couple from a completely different culture/faith and they apologize to the guests that their life-changing ceremony is not in alignment with the exact same culture/faith as each guest? Silly.
Kris, I will definitely blog about the readings tomorrow, when I have my booklet with me. 
Iris, while I agree with you, the email was not an apology. It was exactly as I said it- a head’s up. Why do I feel the need to explain to our future guest about the ceremony choice? I don’t feel the need. I wanted to. Coming from a family with no religious background, I thought they might want to know. Not because I was apologizing to them for havng a marriage in a church, but because it is something that just isn’t done in our family, and I thought it might interest them to know.
Like a lot of religious families, people CAN be offended if a wedding is held somewhere else. I know many people who didn’t have their own parents there because they didn’t marry in the church, or in a temple. I never expected such a reaction to our ceremony choice, but I DID expect to hear some words of surprise, perhaps only because I have never shown any sign of being religious. I wasn’t expecting people to react in an uproar, I was partially expecting a few joking “hypocrite” things. We’re not a serious family, I guess.
The first line in the email from my aunt says exactly how I was expecting the reaction to be: “Ah, religion enters the Kiwi clan”. After doing something so long (having no religion- we’re talking generations here) I thought that being the groundbreaker would need some sort of notice.
As you can see from Kris’ above comment, some people do care about that. And as much as we’d like to not have to deal with explaining, sometimes the need arises. We would have had to deal with Mr. Kiwi’s family as well, had we chosen to NOT marry in the church.
So I’m not apologizing to the family who isn’t religious, and I’m also not going to make the ceremony any different because of the guests who may be uncomforable (or may not be). Since I know I’d be slightly curious, I though they would, too. Thus explaining the email. Hope that clears it up a little.
Thanks for the clarification. This sentence sure sounds like trying to change to please the guests: “We know that some of you aren’t religious, so we will try to have the ceremony be as painless (for all involved) as can be.”
Iris, I know that sounded that way, I also meant as painless for ME, since I’m so new to it. I included that in my email, but not my blog. Sorry for the confusion.
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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