Wedding Blog
Let me tell you why I don’t like the idea of photos of us at our wedding. Like many, I adore the large blown-up engagement/first date/birthday party pictures of the bride and groom proudly displayed at the wedding. I even envy those couples, looking so glamorous and happy.
We’re not going to have any framed pictures, or any matted guest book thing. Most of the time I hate how I look. My face is too round, my lips are too thin, my glasses are too large… Mr. Kiwi (being the most loving man in the world) says that it doesn’t matter what I see, he loves me and thinks I’m the most beautiful woman in the world. Then I tell him that yes, I do believe that he thinks that - but I don’t think that. It makes me very sad to not be able to recognize this beautiful woman he sees. Instead, I just see a woman who isn’t good enough for me.
I don’t like taking pictures with my mouth open, I hate my teeth. My glasses make my eyes disappear. My face is so doughy it makes me sad. We don’t have many pictures of us because of this aversion to photography. Mr. Kiwi is incredibly photogenic and has a wide smile in every picture. I feel I’d just ruin it if we took one together. Over the years together, we have a few photos documenting our relationship; it’s just the ones over the past two or so years that are the ones I try to ignore. My weight gain is a neverending source of unhappiness.
I’m not your average overweight lady, all my weight is concentrated in my stomach and face. My arms, legs, wrists and ankles have kept the slender look they always had, leaving me looking even more out of proportion. I’m trying all I can, and trying to think myself pretty. Still, it’s getting harder the closer it gets to the wedding day. To be honest, it’s not so much the pictures we’ll be taking. I just want to feel like the beautiful woman Mr. Kiwi says I am.
Although this is supposed to be the happiest day of our lives, do you ever just get bummed about things you can’t really control?
|
Share this post: Manic Monday
Wow- that was a really sad posting. I think you should just try looking at yourself through your fiance’s eyes. We are always our toughest critic, and I am sure you are not being fair to yourself. Revel in the fact that you are marrying a man who loves you so much, and work each day until the wedding as seeing yourself as he does. Loving yourself and appreciating your own beauty IS something you can control.
Yup. I’ve always had in my head I would be much thinner for my wedding day, but I just don’t think that will happen.
I can’t seem to motivate myself.
I’m a size 18, and I think I can get down to a 16, but ideally I would have loved to have been a size 12 
It kind of sours my whole feeling of the whole wedding planning.
Like dress shopping hasn’t exactly been fun, when most stores don’t carry larger sized dresses.
Everyone always recomends Adriennes on Orchard, but they dont’ carry anything past a 10 in store.
Miss Kiwi — it seems like you really dwell on your appearance. You mention it often in your posts and you’ve posted pictures. I think you are lovely. Remember that your eyes are much more critical then the world’s — the flaws you see may only exist in your mind.
Every bride is beautiful because of the joy that radiates from them. Celebrate the love that you and your fiancee have and let go of the angst you feel over your appearance.
I think everyone has felt like this at one point (or many) in their lives. Maybe it’s best not to dwell on it.
If you like the idea of “photos of the couple” at the wedding and you and your FI don’t really have any photos of yourselves that make you happy, maybe you could use photos of places and things that you enjoy together?
Hi everyone! Yesterday (when this was posted) was not a good day for me. Can you tell? 
Today I am feeling better, and seeing things a little differently. I’m making an appointment for my hair on Friday, so that will totally make me happier.
To be honest, this recent “down feeling” was attributed to many things, I’ve had to shop for a dress for a banquet and two weddings, and I’m a larger size than I thought I would be- after all the work I’ve put into exercising and all that. My hair is graying at the part, and FREAKIN’ me out. Just many things added up to an ugly day.
I don’t want to come across as self-obsessed, or self-pitying. I just wanted the other gals out there who have days like that to know that everyone has those days.
I think this will be a last “my problems with me” post until I get my dress! Just kidding. Seriously.
Thanks all who have been supportive, though. Your words mean so much.
I feel your pain Miss Kiwi. Six months before my wedding, my father passed away. I packed on major pounds. In fact, about two days before the wedding I barely ate, with amazon cafe smoothies being my biggest source of nutrition so I made sure I fit into my dress. (Let me tell you, that led to MAJOR pigging out on the honeymoon.)
The wedding’s past, and my depression lifted, but that just helped me maintain my current weight rather than adding on. So, I’ve joined Weight Watchers since it’s started at my group. It’s only been a little bit, but it helps me to stick to the diet because of the accountability and being able to discuss what I’m doing with the other women I work with. I also do yoga twice a week (offered through work) and am getting back into the habit of going to the gym (hopefully twice a week, three possibly).
When I met my fiance, I was a 12, I’ve escalated to an 18 after marriage and it breaks my heart that I can’t shop at my favorite stores anymore.
But the fact that I’m actually doing something about my weight and I’ve got people to hold me accountable and encourage me is what helps my attitude about my appearance. That and my husband telling me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am everyday.
I don’t have the same body concerns but I did want to comment on the idea of photography in weddings…when I was looking for a photographer I really liked the photographers who had albums on their sites of “average” brides. I feel like a lot of the example albums are of brides who are so naturally beautiful that they would look stunning in any picture even if a 3 yr old took it. When I saw brides that were curvier, had a big nose, or were super tall, were pale like me, or whatever and the photo still looked good then that’s when I felt like I could really appreciate the photographer’s work.
focus on your joy that day. It will show thru in your pics and you will be the glowing happy bride you are. Hopefully all you will see is how happy and content you are then, and not your flaws.
My FI always tells me “you are the prettiest girl here” at weddings and I always say, “No, no one is prettier than a bride on her wedding day” - and it is true. You will radiate joy and love, and that is what is really beautiful, and that is what others see, not the shape of your face or your weight.
If you really want a good excersize, ask your FI to make a picture of how he sees you - he could draw it or make a collage - I’ll bet it will help you get some perspective.
I, too, think you should go easy on yourself. Get your sleep, nutrition and skin care and you will be radiant. A beautiful modest wedding gown goes a long way to making the bride her most beautiful and charming.
Regarding the all-too-common trend of hosts’ shameless displays of self-portraits at their own social events (guess where I am going with this) — It’s classier to refrain.
What is the ultimate objective of displaying a gallery of self-photos at the wedding? It is not becoming. Miss Manners would go so far as to advise that personal photographs are best reserved to the private quarters of the home (receptions are held in public places only because our homes are not large enough nowdays). For weddings, some understated modest personalization (in contrast to in-your-face LOOK AT ALL THE PHOTOS OF US, THE KING AND QUEEN FOR THE DAY) is much appreciated by guests. Share photos with guests close enough to visit you at home.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2006/10/03/DI2006100300672.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn?pagename=article&contentId=A45233-2004Jan24¬Found=true
I have a strong opinion on this one: It’s much classier and more becoming for hosts to refrain from displaying self-portraits at a social event they are hosting.
even at a wedding??
Miss Kiwi, I know just how you feel. I could have written that entry about myself. My fiance thinks I’m beautiful, but I have days where I hate everything about myself. My weight, my skin, sometimes it’s all too easy to obsess over things like these. I try to remind myself how lucky I am to have someone who loves me and thinks I’m beautiful and hopes that someday I’ll see myself the way he does.
G - Yes, especially at a wedding. I would say it’s OK to have portraits displayed at a memorial service, presumably hosted by someone other than the deceased.
Anywhooooo — Miss Kiwi, for all your other photographic needs (wedding pictures, photo IDs, birthday cake poses) maybe you have another “look” for your pictures that is not the big smiley face. My BIL has his eyes closed in half (I am not exaggerating, seriously) of their wedding photos which drove my mother nuts. He does, however, photograph very well with other expressions other than the smile. So try some other expressions and see if you prefer them. Also, posing with your chin raised eliminates the dreaded double-chin. I like to take group photos by standing on a chair, looking down over the group so everyone is looking up — always super-flattering of everyone!
Miss Kiwi, you are one of my favorite bee bloggers because you are a real and honest person. Everyone feels depressed sometimes and I’m glad to hear that you feel better today. I totally agree with lucky7bride - no one is as pretty as the bride on her wedding day. Don’t forego the photos if you might regret it later.. at least take a few formal portraits to show your kids!
Miss Kiwi, I am there with you 100%. I’ve been collecting dress order forms from my bridesmaids who range in size from a 4 to a 10, and getting depressed because they’re all so much thinner and better looking than I am and i’m freaking out that the size 18 (egads! I used to be a 12!) wedding gown that I ordered might be too small by the time the wedding rolls around. and I also have practically no pictures of myself because I HATE them all. Dresses and photography are my only fears for the wedding, you are not alone! Thankfully, like you, my FH is wonderful, thinks i’m beautiful, and always tells me so. It’s hard to listen sometimes when you think so differently. But it’s WONDERFUL to know that they think that way!
anyways, I don’t have any sage advice, but wanted to let you know that you are not alone! Weddings are so hyped up that you feel like you have to be perfect in every regard so planning and everything and seeing pictures that are always of skinny size 2 girls with perfect hair and perfect favors and perfectly expensive everything can really bring you down.
I’m glad to hear that you are feeling better today. Hopefully we all can learn to love ourselves for who we are!
hugs
Hi Miss Kiwi-
Boy, do I feel your pain on this one! I have been a pretty solid size 16/18 for a long time. I had some delusions of being a size 8 on my wedding day but as the time went on, while I did lose some weight which made me feel more comfortable in my dress and wedding attire, I ultimately figured it is my day and I am who I am-I am who my fiancee (now husband) fell in love with and in the end, when I saw my wedding pics, I was suprised at how pretty I really did look.
I was too concerned about my teeth, my unruly frizzy hair, freckly, pale skin and what I would deem a huge, wide ass… not to mention that white really isn’t my color.
In the end though, I think what really came through was how happy I was that day. That is what you should concentrate on! Feel better and don’t worry!
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics