And That My Friend, Is What We Call…

And That My Friend, Is What We Call…

March 28th, 2007 @ 7:08 pm by Mrs. Kiwi
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Closure. Since I’ve gotten engaged to Mr. Kiwi, odd things have happened. I’ve lost friends, I’ve made new wedding related friends (Miss Bluebell, and accordingly the other Bees), I’ve become a future aunt… All things that change your life daily.

There are people who come into your lives for different reasons - to show you how to love, to teach you to be more giving, to help you, and to show you heartbreak. These things all have their benefits. Sure, at the time, heartbreak is devastating, how can you go on living? But finally, you learn that you’re better off now. Friends may break your heart and be a friend no longer. Boyfriends (or girlfriends) may love you and then leave.

This is what happened to me many years ago. Although we dated very briefly, we were great friends for seven years before that quick romance. As with many friendships turned romantic, we just weren’t a right match. Unfortunately, our friendship suffered. He blamed me for things I had no hand in. I blamed him for ruining our friendship. When Mr. Kiwi and I got back together, the ex abused me emotionally, completely forgetting the friendship we had before.

So, the friendship (weak, at that point) ended. Every now and then, he’d drunk dial and berate me, and when I’d ask for an apology I received none. I was worried that he’d keep coming back to harass me, haunting me with a former relationship gone terribly bad, with me always wondering what I did wrong to cause this hate. And we all know a person doesn’t want that.

Now, almost four years later, he calls out of the blue. Apparently, he had gotten in a serious accident and almost died. So, he took a chance and called me. He said he wanted to apologize for everything. He heard I was getting married and congratulated me. He was making amends, he said. Knowing as I spoke to him that we will never speak again, I’m glad I finally got to hear those words, “I’m Sorry.”

Mr. Kiwi and I can go forth into this marriage with no one “haunting” us. The ghost of friendships past has moved on, and now I feel light. The albatross that had been following me is gone. I am free.

Is there anything you need finished before your wedding? A talk with your parents, a family member, someone to say goodbye to?

Tags: los-angeles, relationships |

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6 Responses to “And That My Friend, Is What We Call…”

Guest

george

Well I had my gmail set to alert me on key words and somehow i got your story you must be a great couple and the double size dog anyway your story moved me in a positive way so i thought id tell you

3/28/07 @ 9:41 pm (reply)

Guest

hoshi

oh geez…i currently have an ex just like that. minus the drunk dialing…he does it sober to basically harass me. he’ll get his friends, “girlfriends,” whomever involved too. i hope he stops one day and leaves it be…like your ex is doing. glad to hear everything is turning out ok. that can be a stressful situation to go through.

3/28/07 @ 10:50 pm (reply)

Guest

Jhong Ren

i can relate to the part of losing friends…during planning of our wedding, my wife and her best friend had ome misunderstanding..work had made each other too busy to clarify matters since our wedding last dec 06…

marriage is a transition of life…and friends do come and go…

because of my wedding, my friends who i have seldom talked to approach me to ask me if they can help and they became my groomsmen…i have 9 of them helping me and i really appreciate their help

3/28/07 @ 11:21 pm (reply)

Guest

Jaynie

My ex got married first, so I called him (it was months after his wedding; I was not aware of the wedding before that) to congratulate him and wish him peace. It was nerve racking to make the call, but worth it. I stopped having those weird guilt feelings and haunting dreams of unfinished emotional business. The conversation never turned into a rehashing of the past, which was a nice; by that point, it was so obvious we’d moved on and there was no point of rehashing.

3/29/07 @ 12:31 pm (reply)

Guest

Tea

i actually lost a couple of friends as a result of the stress from their wedding planning. we had a bit of a misunderstanding [they took something i said in a blog the wrong way - i accept responsibility for that...i didn't exactly clearly flesh out my thinking] and were rude and ununderstanding of my new relationship with my bf as a result.

this was two years ago and i haven’t spoken to them. it sucks because we had been friends all through college and i was majorly hurt that they would be so unsupportive to the point of questioning the chances of my relationship working with my bf [now of two years] and why i kept some things quiet from my family. why they pulled out random things to “prove” their point is beyond me, but they didn’t prove anything.

i felt betrayed because i had always been supportive of my friends and their relationships and never questioned or judged their worth [even though one of them was highly questionable] but i wasn’t given the same in return.. i felt they were out of line and while i did apologize for what i said, i never received an apology for the pain they caused me.

i still want to talk to one of them, to at least apologize to her again. but other than that, i think they showed their true colors when it came to me. and if we don’t talk ever again, so be it.

3/29/07 @ 2:50 pm (reply)

Guest

Iris

Tea: I hear you. When my ex and I broke up, my BFF from college couldn’t take it and chose to remain friends with him but not me. Now I empathize and understand it was due to her own lingering issues stemming from her parents’ messed up relationship, but still it was so sad to lose such a good friend. I called and offered an olive branch, but it was so awkward; she’d moved on with her own husband and kids by then so she had other interests and priorities. As much as she is a “top 10″ friend in the overall scope of my life, she has opted out, and she was not there for me for my wedding the way I was for hers. I guess new friends do come along and fill the void and serve your new needs in the next phase of life.

However, all of this was a good jolt to ensure I went out of my way to include my Dad in everything wedding-related. He was a young immature father in a lot of ways that hurt me decades ago but he did remain faithful to our family and make sacrifices for us. Once I moved away and got some perspective about the world, I appreciated that I can’t hold him to too high a standard and should just appreciate what he was able to do for me, in his own way. We are now at peace.

3/29/07 @ 6:33 pm (reply)