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The other day I wondered something. In relationships, a lot of the time one partner is more “experienced” relationship-wise. I’m not talking about sex, just relationships, love. Take me, for instance. A serial monogamist, I’ve had 4 lasting relationships including Mr. Kiwi (twice), over about 10 years. I was rarely single. Out of those relationships, I had only one other great love before Mr. Kiwi. He knows this about me. Not all of the previous relationships were good, but from each one I learned how to be treated, how to treat others, and what is “right” to me. Which eventually led me back to Mr. Kiwi.
Mr. Kiwi, on the other hand, has had many short term flings. He dated a lot, never finding someone he felt comfortable with. For him, the “love of his life” was me, and had always been me. All of this really came to light during the meeting with the Father, when he asked who came before our S/O.
It made me think, what would you prefer? A person who rarely dated, but still loved someone before… or a person who dated around a lot, but had never been in love? Honestly, since we’re a mix of the two, I don’t know which is the greater evil.
What about you and your SO? Were you/was he a person who dated around and never connected with anyone (but didn’t mind looking 
), or a person who didn’t really date, but had been in love before?
We are one another’s first loves!
Although we both have dated, there has been a couple of others that we’ve dated but nobody that has really “stood the test of time.” And when we got together, we both knew that that was that and the years of looking (though not looking hard at all) was over.
Our situation sounds like yours! I dated only 2 other people before DH (3 years in HS and 2 in college) and I know I was in love before. DH “dated,” oh 15 or so girls, before me. I say “dated” because sometimes it was one date, sometimes it was 3 months. But for both of us, we are each other’s true love. 
Ours is a pretty unique situation. My FI had never had a serious relationship before me, nor did he date casually. He and my brother were childhood friends so we have technically known each other for going on 20 years, but it wasn’t until the end of college when we ran into each other again.
For about 3 years he had a huge crush on me and we were just friends. Then we kissed and the rest is history as they say. I had been in love and dated casually quite a bit, but never anything as right for me as being with my FI.
That all being said, there is something terribly romantic about the fact that my FI has only ever loved me. It works for us. At first I was worried he’d get bored and wonder what he was missing out on…but he always tells me, “I love you and am thrilled to be with you…I don’t need to look anywhere else.”
That’s a hard one! My SO is “experienced” and has been in love, I’m “inexperienced” but have been in love as well, so we’re both sides of one spectrum 
I think it is easier for me to accept that he loved someone than it is for me to accept that he has seen many girls, because to me that is more noble. Granted, it makes stuff tricky sometimes, and requires SO MUCH maturity (that I don’t always have), like when I find some forgotten remnant of his old love tucked in his storage unit or what not. Often I have to stop myself and tell myself that loving her made him the man that i love today, and that (the kicker!) he loves me now
But what would I prefer? Probably the one I have now. Heartache will come regardless, I think, unless you were each other’s first (and only) love. And heartache can and will come regardless
We are actually quite similar. He’s 4 years older than me, so he was in a relationship for 2 years with someone that was pretty serious, and I’ve been in relationships spanning from 6 months to 1 year. I’m a serial monogamist too, and there was always this one other guy that I loved, but since meeting my fiance, I have redefined what love means to me. I believe it’s the same with my fiance and his ex girlfriends. There was always that “one who got away” but once he met me, he was happier to be with me. For us, we agreed that it was important that we had dated other people so that we know what we wanted. A major concern for him in the begininng of our relationship was that I was “inexperienced” with life and relationships, being that I was only 21 years old. For him, the 4 years after college was a huge growing moment and he always wonders if I’m missing out. But my greatest growing moment was during college, when I made all my mistakes and also learned what it is that I looked for in a man, so it all worked out perfectly.
I don’t think I’d really care either way. I’ve had a lot of relationships, with a couple long-term (2+ years) and others a bit shorter. Most of those were pretty good, but the person just wasn’t right for me. DH has had more longer term relationships and a previous engagement, but they all ended badly. I do sometimes wish that he’d had some of the good experiences that I had, so he wouldn’t have come away from them with such a bad taste in his mouth. It took a long time for him to work through some of those feelings, and to understand (like with me) that sometimes you can still be friends with exes.
The only thing that I think would bother me is if DH had had no prior relationship experience, or dating experience. I’m just glad he got out there and experienced other things first and then chose me.
my fiance and i have both had our share relationships. i am happy to know that we have both experienced life and love and in the end, we chose each other. having been through other relationships (which obviously turned out to be unsuccessful) we have a deeper appreciation for each other and the love that we share.
if i was my fiance’s first love, i think i might be nervous that he would be unsure. how could he know that i am THE ONE if he had never experienced any others? either that, or i would think “sheesh you have no idea just HOW LUCKY you are!” (hee hee, i kid.)
he’s had longer relationships than i had [my longest was about 3 weeks...it sounds bad, i know] though i didn’t really date so much as publicly crush on boys [i had plenty of unrequited crushes].
neither one of us had been in love before we met each other. though our different experience levels did bring up some problems with expectations. he knew what it meant to be in a real relationship and the kind of sacrifices that were necessary while i never had to think about anyone else but myself since there were never any kind of real commitment with those i dated. but now i’ve gotten into the swing of things and he’s been very patient and understanding about it. true love indeed.
I’ve been in many relationships and had one great love (the most recent former relationship) and he and I shared a true, real, wonderful romance. Things ended due to a few complicated issues but we remain friends with no hard feelings. However, with my current boyfriend, I am actually his very first relationship…Ever. At first this was very difficult because I had been used to being swayed off my feet, being spoken to very tenderly, etc. But with him, he was lost in a crazy world of emotions and had no clue what to do. It’s endearing, though. Sometimes it gets frustrating but he is such a blessing to me and cares deeply about me. We are comfortable with each other and he encourages me to help him along. He wants to learn from me, which I find to be great. And for me, he brings freshness and innocence to the relationship. I love it.
My FI and I both have had long term relationships before we met one another. He was previously engaged and with that person for about 6 years. I had a few long term relationships lasting about 2 years each, and others lasting about 4-6 months with some very short flings in between. He has accepted that with no issues; however I on the other hand have had a hard time accepting that he was with someone else for so long. I think part of the difficulty for me is that he has done many “firsts” with someone other then me - living together, buying a home, taking vacations together, etc. It is something I am trying to work on and not let bother me and time has helped that. I guess I always just imagined that when I met the right guy we would do all of those things together for the first time.
I’ve been in one other serious relationship 4 years and one small one for about 3 months before my FI. He only had one long term relationship before me for 1.5 years, but dated at least 15 other girls (not sure of the number and he never wants to tell me that) He says what was in the past is in the past and I guess he is right to some degree.
I don’t know which way I would prefer. I guess it would be better if we were each other’s first love, it would be easier for me, but I guess it’s the way it is and there is nothing we can do about the past, so all we have is present and future and that’s what’s importaint.
I dated 1 person for about 9 months before my FI and I started dating. He had dated 2 people, one for about 4 months and the other for about a month and a half. I was his first kiss, though he wasn’t mine. We are each other’s first loves.
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA Engagement Date: March 31, 2006 Wedding Date: November 3, 2007 Venue: Radisson Hotel About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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