Wedding Blog
Mrs. Bee here.
Many of you chimed in on our Bad Bridesmaid open question today, and it got me thinking about how and why we choose our bridesmaids. Whether she’s a sibling, childhood friend, or your best friend, we all have reasons for asking certain people to stand by our side when we get married.
How did you decide who to ask to be a bridesmaid? Was the decision easy or difficult?
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Include sisters (and brothers)! They are your friends for life!
Choosing my maid of honor and two of my bridesmaids was easy…my moh is my sister, and the two bridesmaids are my cousin and my best friend. Choosing my third bridesmaid was difficult, and in the end I think I hurt a friend’s feelings when I didn’t choose her. But now I’m so glad that I went with my gut, because I am no longer friends with the girl I was thinking about choosing. I’m happy with my choices.
The ones I chose were easy. My sister, his sister, my best friend since grade school. I had a tough time deciding not to ask some of my sorority sisters, but it was either all of them or none of them, and I didn’t want a ton of BMs. Where we all live was part of the decision also, I didn’t want to coordinate dress shopping with girls who live out of state.
It was tough — my perfect number was always 4: sister, and 3 best friends (high school, college and post-college). Then we had to add his SIL. And then we realized that he would have 7 groomsmen, so I had to pick 2 more. The 6th was easy (another close friend from college), and I ended up picking my cousin as the 7th. We didn’t talk for years and years (family drama) but are now very close.
interestingly for my case, i had my best pals o be my groomsmen…8 of them in total from secondary school to high school to university friends…
for my wife, she had her best friends from university….one of her best friends wants to decide what the bridesmaids can wear which differs so much from what my wife wanted…so she left and didnt want to help…..
4 months had passed and the misunderstanding hadn’t been clarified yet
I’m older than your average bride, and my thirty-something friends were not really into the idea. Which was fine with me, although I did guilt-trip my older sister into being my matron of honor. What did I do? I made all my nieces into bridesmaids! They’re thirteen, eleven, and ten years old, and my seven-year-old niece-to-be is my flowergirl. On the boys side all my nephews and my nephews-to-be are the ringbearers and jr groomsmen. The girls are all thrilled to be in a wedding. The boys, well, they’re doing it. 
But the girls are excited about the pretty dresses, the flowers, and the sparkly tiaras I got them to wear. I’m going to have wonderful photos.
I also had a pretty easy decision when I asked my three close cousins to be in my wedding. However, after choosing the entire wedding party and asking everybody, my fiance’s sister told her parents that she wanted to be in the wedding and they called my fiance and told him that we had to add her.
Since then, she has asked if she can get out of buying both the dress and the shoes (she wanted to have a seamstress make the dress and I don’t even know what was wrong with the shoes), so it is becoming a disaster. Every time I email my bridesmaids I cringe because I am afraid that she will complain about something else.
I totally agree that weddings bring out the good and bad sides of everybody. My cousins and I are getting closer because of the deal, but my SIL is just pusing both me and my fiance farther away from her because she is being so difficult. I am not even sure what we could do to solve the problem, but it is certainly frustrating.
I chose my three cousins and it was a great way to get closer to them (we had kinda drifted apart after we grew up). But i kind of wish I had chosen my best friends. It would have been a tougher call (I only wanted 3 BM’s) but I think they would have been more helpful and supportive, being a bit older and closer geographically.
i chose my cousins who were my “sisters” growing up. and for my third and final bm i chose the gal that is most like a sister right now. i feel bad that none of my FH’s sisters are a BM, but I’m currently not that close to them. I get along great with them, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against including them. I just never wanted more than 3 BMs.
MOH will be my sister, and my BMs will be my best friend growing up (we met when she was 5 and I was 4), my best friend since 4th grade, and my best friend from college.
I have five ladies, and the choice was easy but difficult for me. Difficult because I have been in six weddings and three of those were as Maid of Honor. Doing the math…that wouldn’t quite work. We have a big circle and I could have asked 10 people, but my fiance wanted to keep it small (and rightly so).
Patrick would have liked to only have three or four but I negotiated five. 
The Maid of Honor introduced Patrick and me and is a friend to both of us. Matron of Honor is a sorority sister (I was her MOH). BM #1 is a friend from college, BM #2 is my cousin and BM#3 is a friend from 3rd grade (and I was her MOH).
The third girl I was MOH for isn’t a close friend and I asked her to be a reader for us. I couldn’t not ask her to be in the wedding, I didn’t feel but Patrick and I agreed should wouldn’t fit in as a BM–it wouldn’t feel right.
I’m only having two attendants — my sister (MOH) and one of my best female friends (BM). That’s it. Choosing anyone else would have been disingenous because I just wouldn’t be that close to them. I have a male friend who I would have liked to be a Man of Honor, but I know he would totally not be into it and I respect that.
Choosing my bridesmaids were extremely easy. I am only child so I don’t have sisters that I might or would have asked if I were close with them. Instead I have the 4 greatest gfs in the world. They are basically like my sisters - just not related to me by blood. I chose them bc I couldn’t imagine anyone else being by my side as I walked down that aisle. I chose them bc I knew that they’d are sincerely happy for us and are as thoroughly excited as we are about the day. They’ve been with me through the good and the very bad and they’ve supported me through everything … going through this journey … I knew they’d want to be as much a part of it as I wanted them to be.
*yes* I am super cheesy but the girls I asked - mean the world to me and if they read this, I want them to know it and will show them how grateful I am that they accepted. =)
It was a very easy choice for me, doubly so because my fiance happened to want the same number of groomsmen as I wanted for bridesmaids. Thank heavens! My sister, who’s really my best friend, is my MOH, and I have two BM’s. One is my friend since grade 2 and the other is my best friend since grade 9 and we now work together. It was really important to me that the people in my bridal party not only were my best friends and all got along with each other, but were also really supportive of the marriage because my parents (especially my mom) are not supportive, and I need to know that the people standing by me really have good wishes for us. These girls are honest and get along great with my fiance, and support our relationship, so it was a no-brainer.
I’m so glad my fiance doesn’t have a sister because I would not have wanted anyone else in the bridal party!
I’d known for forever who my girls would be. My two sisters (both MOHs), my cousin who was always referred to as our fourth sister, my best friend and Pat’s sister.
He asked 8 guys to be in his wedding party so we won’t match and I’m not at all worried. His choices were more difficult then mine even though he asked even more people.
we had a smaller, intimate wedding. so no bridal party or groomsmen! i think it REALLY saved some potential drama and weird situations with money. otherwise, if we HAD chosen bridesmaids and what not, we probably would’ve done DH’s brother for best man and a cousin of mine for maid of honor–two people that we know will stick around through thick and thin for as long as they are around!
I knew right away who my maid of honor and first bridesmaid would be, two of my closest friends; MOH and I went to high school together and lived together freshman year, she is my rock! My first bridesmaid and I met our freshman year of college and instantly connected; we’re like two peas in a pod, no joke. But I couldn’t have just 2; FI has many guy friends and wanted more. So, we compromised on 4 because it would be a struggle for me to come up with any more than that; I don’t have many female friends. So, I ended up choosing my current roommate and FI’s sister. FI’s sister: one of my greatest decision so far in the wedding planning; I love her! Current roommate: bad, bad idea. At the time, we had lived together less than a month but been friends for close to 2 years. I didn’t realize until after living with her flaky she is. She has bailed on almost every wedding/bridesmaid related activity thus far, and I sometime wonder if she will bail on my wedding. But I still live with her and will up until a month before the wedding, plus I really don’t like confrontation, so I don’t have the heart to “unask” her.
it was easy and hard for me choose my bridesmaids. choosing my MOH was easy, i asked my older sister. i never had girl friends growing up and when i went to college i made 3 really great best girl friends. after college to my surprise i made 3 more really great girlfriends. the 3 new girlfriends i definitely wanted to ask, but the college girlfriends i was iffy about, mainly because they’re in a financially tougher place than the other girls and i didn’t want to burden them with anything, also it’s been hard for us to get together even though we all work in NYC, so we usually only see each other for birthday dinners. we do mass email as a group everyday though so we communicate all the time. in the end i asked everyone, but gave them the option telling them i understood that being a bridesmaid could be financially hard. everyone gladly accepted and i also ended up asking my FSIL to be a bridesmaid as well. so now i have 1 maid of honor and 7 wonderful bridesmaids and they all get along and have been getting things done without very little input from me!! =)
I’m an only child, but I always knew I just wanted one or two people up there with me. I chose my best friend to be my MOH, but I chose my best friend from childhood-high school to be my other bridesmaid. It made me realize why we grew apart.
I had originally wanted to ask my two other best friends from college (we had roomed together for 3 years–quite a feat for girls!), but couldn’t decide between them. One ended up being in Africa when we got married and the other one acted more like my bridesmaid than the other one did. It made me really sad that she couldn’t be up there with me on my special day.
(My MOH is stilled ticked at the bridesmaid for not even having the bridesmaid dress that I paid for pressed before the wedding. I’m over it, but she’s still mad for me. But I guess that’s what best friends are for. :))
Having seen some real dramas with my cousins who were married before me, I knew I didn’t want to include any of them, even though they were my “sisters” growing up. My best friend of 10 years was always destined to be my MOH and as soon as I called to bread the diamond news, she screamed with excitement, “Maid of Honor!!” I love her, and clearly it was a great choice. She has been so, so helpful and understanding. FI and I decided soon after we were engaged to have only one attendant each, that seems true to our “small and intimate” wedding wishes and we still feel really good about that decision.
Like many of the previous posters, my choice was both easy and difficult. My MOH was a gimme, since I have known her since age 8 and she is like my sis. Likewise, my FI’s brother was an obvious choice. My brother is younger, so we have asked him to do a reading.
I could have asked so many other girls, but in the end, we decided that just one attendant each was a good fit for our wedding size.
Sister - Matron of honor
Best friend from college - Maid of honor
Other friend from college - Bridesmaid
Grooms sister - Bridesmaid
Originally, it was to be the two sisters and best friend but fiance couldn’t pare his list down to three and I wasn’t going to force him and the other friend was a given really anyway, she loves weddings and us and is super excited. And she’ll plan the best bachlorette party in the end (even if she wasn’t a bridesmaid).
it was one of the first things i did and also one of the very hardest…how do you choose between friends? it was tough.
Like Pencils, I was an older bride and didn’t really want a group of firends in identical dresses standing up there with me. I chose my best friend and my husband chose his two best friends who are a married couple. We just asked them to wear whatever they would wear to the wedding and gave them flowers to distinguish them from the other guests.
It save a lot of time, planning, money and angst. And it was just what we wanted.
At first I chose my sister, half-sister, 2 forever friends I used to work with and my current roommate. A lot of drama, angst and serving her with a 30-day notice to vacate the premises and I now have my best friend’s (glorious, wonderful) wife by my side.
5 is kind of a lot to manage, but I love them all so much and couldn’t imagine cutting any.
I also don’t have a MOH because my sister is not very dependable and the other 3 are too equal to me to make anyone any more special (the other sister is 16.)
My sister is my MOH and I always knew she would be. My FH and I lived with two other roommates in college, so the female is my bridesmaid and the male is his best man. Another friend of both of ours is the second guy. I really wanted three on each side, but FH and his sister aren’t really that close (he was only an usher at her wedding) so I would feel weird, like I was overstepping my FSIL boundaries. Then there are three ladies with whom I USED to be close enough for something like this, and even though we all still have amicable relationships, none of them are strong enough for such a prestigious title. There’s a third guy we’d like to have, and if he works out I’ll ask my FSIL, because I would hope that we’ll eventually grow close like sisters, and I think this might be a good start. Still unsure, though.
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