Wedding Blog
Hi bees!
I was hoping you all could help me out with suggestions on what to do about the owner of my venue (please!). She is upset with me, and is now uncooperative and making it impossible to plan things. The back story: Back when I booked the venue, we agreed on some different terms than her usual standard contract. One of those terms was that there would be no other event there that day. After signing our contract (with our terms), she called me a couple of months later saying that she was planning on booking another event on my wedding date. She thought I wouldn’t have a problem with it because it was not another wedding, just another event. I did have a problem because we had agreed there would be no other EVENT that day, not just another wedding. My picking this venue was partly based on that condition.
We discussed it, and in the end, I held her to the contract terms that she agreed to. She sort of gave me a guilt trip about how she was just trying to pay for the new facility that I was getting married in, and that I shouldn’t be bothered by the other event (but they were going to be where we were planning on taking most of our pictures!). It was obvious that she was very unhappy with me and I predicted this was going to lead to problems in the future.
Flash forward to now: I am trying to book my band and they REQUIRE at least one and half hours to set up and sound check, but prefer two hours. We would like our ceremony to start at 5 or 5:30 pm (undecided) to take advantage of the sunset and natural light. The band would have to be finished sound checking before our ceremony starts because they are right next to each other.
The owner is saying that we can’t have any vendors come into the reception area until 5pm, and will make no exceptions (which of course is new). The reception area is also a lunch restaurant that closes at 2:30, so I understand not having anyone in there until 3:30 or until all lunch guests are out. But after that she is saying that she can’t jeopardize her business or her turn around time to ensure that the events are set correctly. We have a corner area where the band and dance floor would be, so they wouldn’t need to set up tables or anything there. I promised to instruct the band to stay out of her staff’s way. She still said no. The way I see it, she is jeopardizing her business by not allowing the events to be set up on time and correctly. She suggests that I have a 5:30 pm ceremony and that the band set up at 5, which does not meet the requirement the band gave (and I gave her).
What should I do? I’ve tried discussing this with her but she seems unwilling to cooperate with me (not just this, other things too.) Should I try and find another venue? I would get my full deposit back, but keep in mind that my wedding is 5 and half months away and I had a hard time finding a venue that I liked and could afford. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks bees and bee readers!
Frustrated
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Has the band ever worked at this venue before? It may be helpful to explain the situation to the band and see if you have a good relationship with their contact person, perhaps they would be willing to work with the venue directly?
Does the woman that you’re working for have a superior? Even if she’s the general manager at this location, is it owned by a bigger company? If so, you could contact them to register your complaint and see if anyone higher up would be willing to help. I had an unco-operative wedding coordinator at my hotel and since I contacted her superior, she’s been nothing but splendid.
Beyond that, I’m not sure if there’s much you can do. You might want to start looking quick for another venue just in case things get worse. Ask your band and other vendors for suggestions of venues they’ve worked at before. Think outside the box - aquariams, museums, private estates or historic homes…not sure where you’re located, but see if there’s something outside the norm that you haven’t looked at before.
Good luck! Keep us posted!
Do you have a friend/relative who is an attorney who can intervene?
if certain terms are stated in the contract that you both signed, then she is legally obligated to those terms. unfortunately (and i’m not a lawyer), i think that she is not legally obligated to honor anything else above what is stated in your contract.
from my experience with venues, the venue should give you a contract that includes a statement of:
-how far in advance vendors can set up
-cancellation policies
-single event committment (which you said was in yours)
-payment schedule
-decor requirements (where candles can be lit, hanging materials, etc.)
-how potential site damages are assessed (and who assesses them)
You should consider purchasing wedding insurance as well in case your vendor backs out on you or you have to cancel for any reason (we used http://www.wed-safe.com and it cost about $400).
personally i would consider changing venues. the last thing you want is to worry about her screwing up your wedding day, especially if you are creating the schedules yourself.
if you decide to stay with her you might want to draw up an addendum to the contract (or a schedule for her to sign) so that she commits to certain timing restraints - which means you need to nail down your reception timing. it is much easier for her to be inflexible if you haven’t decided what time you want certain things to happen. you also need to have a certain amount of flexibility - she might take 2 hours to break down lunch service, depending on her size of staff and what needs to be done. that’s why it’s important to add those timing terms to the contract. good luck!
Re-read your original contract and see what all the Ts&C’s are. Also have someone else read it, (maybe a co-worker or friend, who is a little removed from the situation). This might give you some clarity and ways to work around your contract without having to cancel.
I’d have the band check out the space and see how long it will take then to set up. They might set aside a 2 hour window to allow for sound checks, transportation etc.
Bring someone without an emotional attachment next time you meet with the owner. A new prospective might help to iron out the details .
Consider a plan B. You don’t want your day to be ruined because of bad feelings with the owner. You’ll always remember that things didn’t go right, instead of the things that DID.
Sit her down and talk to her. Explain to her that you really love the place, but hate her attitude, and don’t want the stress that will (most certainly) come from her in the next 5.5 months. Just tell her that you’re paying a lot of money, and therefore should be accomodated to, and if she can’t make it work then she’s going to lose your business. Sometimes you have to threaten the worst to get the best in some people.
I’d say go back to the venue that was runner-up for you. Talk to them about the situation, and see if they are willing to work out whatever it was that didn’t make them your number one choice. I’ve heard of vendors that give big discounts for people who book so close to the event, because as most booking occurs months and months in advance, they’ve written off getting business on that day and therefore might be willing to offer discounts in the belief that something is better than nothing. Plus, the glowing reviews they’d get from you for helping you out would be more valuable than any advertising they could buy!
You could have an iron-clad contact but there will always be gray areas that rely on professional courtesy and flexibility. Unfortunately, this venue owner seems to posess neither such qualities. Her refusal to budge on this one particular item is pretty ominous. You can tip toe around it now but eventually the fact that she’s unhappy with you will definitely translate into more unpleasant things leading up to and during the wedding. I say lay the cards on the table and force her to either reform or rear her ugly monster face. In case the latter happens, I would start shopping around for Plan B. Hope that helps. I wish you the best of luck.
Find a new site!
We saw serious red flags when we chose our site (3 event coordinator turnovers in the first month working with them, few bookings, poor communication on even the most basic levels, etc.), but we absolutely LOVED the venue. Fast forward 2 1/2 months and no one is returning my calls and emails about confirming the catering menu. After 3 weeks, I call the director of the venue and find out that the restaurant (aka exclusive caterer) within the gallery (we were renting both areas) went belly-up. Assured us that we would still be accommodated the of our wedding, but we were still leery. She stopped returning calls and emails, too.
Trust your instincts. When something feels bad, it’s not gonna get much better. And do you really want to chance it the day of?
We moved on and found an even better venue that is more fun, more convenient, and way less expensive. I think you should probably do the same….
In the event you want and can in fact find an alternative venue, this may be your golden opportunity to walk away with NO PENALTY TO YOU from the current venue with the poopy owner. See if you could get your alternative venue tentatively lined up (except for signing/deposit) and then bounce it off your current venue to see if under the circumstances she’d rather you both just called the whole thing off, returning all deposits and no further obligations. She may jump at the chance (yea, you jump, too — and get EVERYTHING in writing that the whole deal is off, no further obligations, all $ returned in full by a certain time, etc.). If she does not take the opportunity to back out, your posing this option to her will help her wake up and smell the coffee that she needs to comply with the original agreement (written and unwritten). And yes, (with few exceptions) even if it’s not in writing it’s a contract, tho it’s always much easier to enforce written than oral agreements.
I am a lawyer, and this approach worked for me when the venue kept getting my name wrong and making lots of sloppy mistakes. They were having buyer’s remorse that they hadn’t booked a larger party that night and were turning other customers away, so when she starting messing up details, I used it as a conversation-starter to give her the option to back-out. (Had I had a stronger situation, I might have gotten her to buy me out instead so she could be free to sell the slot to another party.)
LAYWER DISCLAIMER (sorry, I gotta) — This cannot be construed as providing legal advice to a client or the general public.
Try to reason for another week or two, and then look elsewhere. Phooey on her.
screw her. its your day and a half hr setup for a band is out of the question! Her schnaggins are no excuse - you deserve ample time for the setup and tell her under no circumstances will you back down.
she signed a contract stating to let you have the venue to yourself. its her own fault that she’s upset, and the guilt-trip is the very last thing you need!
I’d duke it out in person! Get your friends, family and fiance involved and go over and smack her silly!
See if you can find an attorney to write her a letter-she shouldn’t be guilt tripping you this waty. If she doesn’t like it get another venue. Also,document everything all your interactions with her-you may need yo sue and will need evidence.
wow i’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. if finding another venue is at all feasible, that’s the route i’d go. pursuing any legal action might make her make your life even more difficult, and you don’t want to be stressing on your wedding day.
let us know how it turns out!
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