Can I Have My Cake And Eat It Too?
April 11th, 2007 @ 4:19 pm by Mrs. Pumpkin
Our wedding cake is being made for us by my sister-in law’s Mom. She has done wedding cakes for years and always does a really good job, so I was ecstatic when she offered to do ours. Our original plan was to use the following picture as the inspiration, but to have the middle two layers be styrofoam iced to match the two real layers.
I just wanted the top layer to freeze for our 1st anniversary, and then the bottom layer for the obligatory cake cutting with the obligatory cake cutting pictures.
So I had a bit of a private panic moment when I talked to my SIL last week. She said that her Mom is getting older now and has a bit of arthritis, and was wondering if it would be okay to have the whole wedding cake be fake. Then we’d just do a slab cake to cut up in the kitchen and serve. My SIL is worried that doing all of that detail with the icing at one time will be too hard on her Mom. With a fake one we can still do the pictures of us standing behind the cake pretending to cut it, and we can just have a cupcake or small piece of cake there to feed each other if we want…
On the phone I said that would be fine, but now I am wondering if that was a mistake. On one hand I do see the silliness of making a huge cake just to have that 3 minute photo-op, but on the other hand it also seems silly to stage said photo-op with a fake cake. So, do we insist on having a real cake to cut OR do we do the fake cake photo-op with the slab cake in the back OR do we forget the big wedding cake altogether and just have a slab cake that no one will see?
What do you think? I am sort of sad at the thought of not having a wedding cake, and the thought of having a completely fake one feels like I am giving up something. But I don’t want to be a bridezilla here - she is doing this for us as a favor! I think I will have to sleep on this one…
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29 Responses to “Can I Have My Cake And Eat It Too?”
I think you should have your cake and eat it too! Fake cake? No way. Just say you really appreciate everything but will go with another baker cause who wants to fake it on their wedding day?! Besides…. fake cake will take just as much time, effort, and detail work as a real one….
I’m completely sympathetic to people who suffer with arthritis but won’t she still have to decorate a “fake” cake? Would she really do less outside decorating with a fake cake? I’m confused.
i think miss pumpkin means that she could do the icing ahead of time on a fake cake, but it would have to be done the day of for a real cake.
go for the real deal so you can eat it and have your pics too. 
Maybe you could tweak the design a bit so that the bottom layer isn’t too detailed, like have smooth/plain icing on the bottom layer (and maybe the second layer from the top so the design alternates)? That way, the bottom layer can be real cake, and she wont have to decorate it. You can still have the rest of the cake be fake, and she can decorate it ahead of time so that she doesnt have arthritis problems.
If not, then I say just try to find another baker. I know I wouldn’t be a fan of having a full-on fake cake just so I can take pics of pretending to cut it.
Yikes, that is a tough situation. I also don’t want to sound unsympathetic, but my general feeling is that she is a cake baker and shouldn’t have agreed to create your vision for you if she did not feel capable of doing so. Now you have been put in the awkward position of having to “fire” her, forcing her to do something that might cause her pain, or not getting the cake that you had your heart set on. Since all of your options are a little uncomfortable, I’d go with the choice that at least gets you the cake you want in the end.
I think you should have at least one real layer to cut for the photo op. Is there another baker in your town who can help you create the cake within your budget?
By the way I LOVE the design you picked. I had my heart absolutely set on a very different design and now I’m reconsidering!
I’d either pay another baker to do your wedding cake or just forgo the fake cake and use the slab cake as your wedding cake. I think it would be a little weird to go through all the effort of having a fake cake done and then have the real cake in the back, pretending that it’s not there. The cake isn’t a huge priority for us. So to me, a cake is a cake is a cake.
This is YOUR day, and you’re not being a bridezilla at all. Fake cake? No way.
I think you are either ok with a fake cake or you are not. I don’t think you are ok with a fake cake, or you wouldn’t ask us. Forevor in the photos, you are going to be thinking–that is a fake cake…..
Just my opinion.
You may consider finding someone else.
Best wishes, lovely design!
I think you are either ok with a fake cake or you are not. I don’t think you are ok with a fake cake, or you wouldn’t ask us. Forevor in the photos, you are going to be thinking–that is a fake cake…..
Just my opinion.
You may consider finding someone else.
Best wishes, lovely design!
is there any way you can compromise?
alternate plain layers with detailed layers.
you could use ribbon at the bottom of each layer.
each fake layer can be done in fondant days before.
cut back on the ornamentation/make it larger with less fine details.
make the bottom layer out of actual cake but offer to bake it for her/have it made.
forego the cake top layer and just have a single cake layer on the bottom for cutting.
sheet cake is fine; it’s done all the time. but i think you probably want the pictures.
I agree with the previous posts. There is no use having a fake cake just for everyone to look at. Either pay someone else to do it and get a smaller cake if you it’s going to blow apart your budget to get a real baker.
I don’t think you mentioned if you’re paying her or if her services are a gift, but if you’re paying her, she should treat you like any other bride. If she was doing the cake as a favor/gift, I would kindly thank her for the sentiment and find someone else.
Good luck!
Being a wedding videographer I see tons of weddings, and I have to tell you that the fake cake photo op looks…um…FAKE! You know it’s fake, and you are creating a fake memory for the sake of tradition. It always looks like this weird akward moment on camera.
I think the alternating detailed layers with the plain layers may be the solution that allows for your sister-in-law’s mom to not feel bad about agreeing to do something she probably should’nt have, and you still get to have your real cake cutting moment captured forever on film.
best of luck!
Yeah, why pretend to do something? Who would you be fooling into thinking it was a real cake? Certainly not anyone there, and certainly not you (as you would remind yourself EVERY time you saw any pictures or video of it)
If you feel bad handing all the cake duties over to someone else, maybe she could make your groom’s cake (if you’re having one). Usually those are single tiered, much simpler, and you could design it in such a way that if she started, someone else could finish if need be (like filling in an already drawn design)
you could have one real layer to cut into and feed each other with and the rest fake…but that still means she’d have to decorate. i’d go for real cake through and through. you’ll probably have to find another baker but that’s better than knowing the cake is fake.
how long ago did she agree to make the cake? it sounds like she knew she probably wouldn’t have been able to fulfill it which is a little shady. i don’t mean to be mean but it does make things a bit complicated when it totally could have been avoided.
An entirely fake cake seems more ridiculous than the obligatory cake cutting tradition, in my opinion. I say if you use a fake cake, just do away w/ the cake cutting hoopla all together- like most have been commenting, that’s not gonna fool anyone and it’ll make it all the lamer.
What if you had a simpler wedding cake design in general? Or get another baker. It sort of sounds like you’d be doing your SIL’s mom a favor by giving her this break anyway.
I have seen places that have just the corner as the real cake. So in your case one quarter of the bottom layer was real, then you just cut into that piece, have a real photo op and everyone is happy. But I agree, i think you should just get a real cake from somewhere else.
I agree — if it’s important to you, pay someone else for it. After taking several cake decorating courses I can understand why making a real one is way harder than a fake one beyond just the icing timing issue — a sturdy styrofoam non-crumby surface that is guaranteed to be perfectly smooth is way easier to decorate than a real cake, even if decorating itself is a lot of work. Plus, mixing, baking, torting (splitting), and filling the cake needs to be taken into account… it’s a lot of work and time and isn’t a foolproof process, especially for a nonprofessional. That said, I would definitely not ask your SIL’s mom to make it real since the situation seems like she doesn’t want to — just get exactly what you want from somewhere else. Love the design btw!
P.S. Personally I wouldn’t mind having the fake cake, especially if it was handmade by somebody. But that’s me, who’s not even having a traditional cake to start with and am opting for the hotel to serve the cake included with the meal to our guests right after we cut our small cake (4 individual cakes on a staggered tier thing). Go with what you really want and what really matters!
This was the one thing that we dropped…as much as we both love cake, neither of us thought it was a good idea to spend $500+ on a cake. We are having a couple different flavors of regular cakes, mini pastries and a small token cake for us to cut that our caterer is making. It’ll just be a little white round cake, but we bought a monogram topper and our florist is bringing flowers to decorate it. It sounds like if you started thinking about most of your cake being a fake cake, then why not just have SIL mom make a beautifully decorated small cake? OR, just have a small section of the fake cake cut out and insert the sheet cake there…your photos won’t show any difference!
Maybe you can get a small two-tier real cake and have an additional sheet cake for your guests. I think its silly to waste time and icing on styrofoam. Real cakes are more affordable than you might think.
ummm long story. but the day of my wedding, i ended up with a completely styrofoam cake and sheet cakes. it was completely fine. it looked great in pictures. believe it or not, most of the guests didn’t even notice that the cake they were actually served was a completely different color.
i think it’s nice that she’s doing it for you, but if you are paying her and it’s not what you want, then you should go with a real baker if you want the real cake.
i decorate cakes as a hobby and i understand how decorating a real cake would be difficult with arthritis - if it’s completely fake then she can do all the decorations over a longer period of time (fondant and buttercream made with shortening last forever), whereas with a real cake she needs to bake it a day or two before and decorate it all. i get hand cramps after doing really detailed work without arthritis!
jennygolightly has a good idea w/ making the bottom partially real…once it’s covered up, esp with fondant, you wont be able to tell the difference. maybe then she could also do a real top tier for you, and freeze the cake before decorating so it doesn’t have to be made in the same day (if you’re freezing your top tier anyway).
First of all, Welcome, Miss Pumpkin!
Secondly… some many people have such great ideas on what to do! I personally think you should have at least part of a real cake…whether it be a single layer, a grooms cake, or a small decorative cake. We’re having a friend make our cake for us, and I’m realizing that although she used to have a cake business, she doesn’t do all kind of fancy flavors, etc… but I don’t care, because it’s the thought that she wanted to contribute something to our special day, and that’s what counts! I hope you find a solution that makes you happy. Good luck to you!
Heh, this reminded me of the time I went to my cousin’s wedding banquet in Taiwan. They had a HUGE cake, it was literally over 6 feet tall, with pillars holding up the different layers. I was SO excited, cuz I LOVE cake and anything sweet. They did the obligatory cake cutting photo op thing, and then there was … no cake. Apparently the whole damn thing was fake. No cake. I was bummed. hahahaha. Ok, this comment doesn’t help you at all, but just thought I’d share, hehe =)
Welcome Miss Pumpkin!
I’ve heard the Japanese pose with a HUGE fake western wedding cake for the photo op, and that the fake cake is owned by the venue and they wheel it out for pictures for each couple. But it’s not a Japanese tradition to have a cake at all. Why they bother with a fake cake I do not really understand. Can anyone comment?
What’s most important to you? If you really want the sentiment of having a relative make the cake — Any chance you are open to simple frosting and then decorate it with ribbons/flowers/topper? But if your heart is set on this frosting design then remove the pressure from a relative and buy it elsewhere.
Miss Pumpkin,
Could you pleeeeasse tell us where you got your wooden signs for your wedding that you posted recently. I love them, and have been looking for the exact same signs for my own park ceremony!!!
Thank you!!!
Hi Petra,
We made the signs! We got the board from my FBIL’s farm, it was on an old barn that they were tearing down anyway. Luckily when you have farmers in your family they have things like old barns and nice saws so we cut the board in their shop, stained it and then painted on the letters ourselves. I had suggested to another blogger that you check at places like Home Depot or Rona for the board and they might even cut it for you. Then you can just stain them and paint them yourself. I haven’t yet attached them to the posts but we will just be nailing them to 1 square inch thick board like is in the pictures and we will likely get that from a home improvement store. I have never seen anything like them in a store so I am no help to you there but I hope that helps a little bit!
Hi Petra,
We made the signs! We got the board from my FBIL’s farm, it was on an old barn that they were tearing down anyway. Luckily when you have farmers in your family they have things like old barns and nice saws so we cut the board in their shop, stained it and then painted on the letters ourselves. I had suggested to another blogger that you check at places like Home Depot or Rona for the board and they might even cut it for you. Then you can just stain them and paint them yourself. I haven’t yet attached them to the posts but we will just be nailing them to 1 square inch thick board like is in the pictures and we will likely get that from a home improvement store. I have never seen anything like them in a store so I am no help to you there but I hope that information helps a little bit!
Welcome Miss Pumpki!
I’m sorry but she offered to do your wedding cake and a fake styrofoam cake is not a cake. If the photo ops are really important to you, I would suggest you to hire another baker. I’m sure your family will understand the change of vendor. Imho, what’s the point of posing with a fake cake and acting like it’s real just for photos when you know otherwise. A smaller cake can be just as beautiful as a multi-tiered one. Good luck!
Mrs. Pumpkin, Saskatchewan, Canada
Blogger Since: April 10, 2007
Age and Occupation: 28, Lawyer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Farmer
Engagement Date: July 14, 2006
Wedding Date: June, 2007
About Me: I love movies, music and I am addicted to TV. When I have some spare time I also love scrapbooking and making personalized greeting cards and above all playing Hide & Seek or Duck, Duck, Goose with my two adorable nieces!
My two cents…..it does seem like a lot of work for someone to do just for a photo op. If the photo is that important to you, I would say pay someone to make the cake , take your pictures, and eat it too! If it isn’t important enough to pay for and eat, I would say skip it.