Weddingbee

Joyful, I have heard of doing a private ceremony and a large reception, but not the other way around.

I would at least do punch and cake-my FI’s church has these all the time,as almost all the weddings are open to the whole congregation. You don’t even have to get a wedding cake-some inexpensive sheet cakes from any store bakery should be fine.

joyful - people can get offended if they’re not invited to the reception and only the ceremony, but i understand how costly it might be to have a reception for a large church wedding.

why don’t you serve cake and beverages? then you can have a smaller reception for your family and close friends afterwards. most people probably expect that there will be a reception though, so you might want to put a line on your invitations indicating that dessert will be served, or something along those lines. good luck!

Amy - what if you made the - very obvious? For example AS-S… well that doesn’t quite work!
I agree with kandaceandjason- don’t abbreviate. Good luck.

S&Y - some people have a string trio or quartet(or any other musician..ie) organ/piano player..horn, etc) to play during the ceremony. Others have opted to have their DJ played “wedding” music during the ceremony..ie) canon, etc.

amy - since you don’t go by “i,” would it be too terrible just to use “as” at work like previous commenters have suggested?

s&y - we had a trio for our ceremony and cocktail hour. i think most people opt to have an ensemble like a string quartet or trio play during the ceremony, with a separate band/dj for the reception. but you can certainly use a dj for your ceremony music, espcially if you plan on walking down the aisle to a less traditional song.

good luck!

so far i’ve been helping my fsil with her wedding planning but…*gulp* now it’s my turn. while my so and i aren’t “officially” engaged, we got word from our attorney that our visa process, which we are already starting(SO is from another country) may not take as long as we had originally thought. so we’re expecting an official engagement anytime now (but we still need that surprise element!)…i’m worried though. Since there is no way of knowing exactly when we can get married (or even if–though i’m keeping that far from my mind)how can i start planning?…is there ANYTHING we can start planning now? it’s a hard situation not even knowing a date since i can’t pick a location, or start on anything else that involves a date and location–which is pretty much everything. any advice?

Thanks for the suggestions!

kandaceandjason, I understand where you’re coming from. Hopefully my wedding won’t be too boring, and no one will miss out on the dancing cause there (most likely) won’t be any - we both have family members who are VERY opposed to dancing. It comes from our denomination’s old stance that dancing leads to sex…but as my mom puts it, “you’re married, so why does it matter?”

marvil - envision your wedding day in your head. Write down any details that come to mind and mark them as “must have,” “would like to have,” or “don’t want.” Search the internet for pictures and ideas, and keep a sort of scrapbook. That way, when the proposal does come, you have an idea of what you want, how you can have it, and how it can be paid for (if you have time to sit down and work out a budget). Many already-engaged women see something and immediately purchase it because they think it’s a great idea. Then something else comes along that’s better but they can’t get it because of their previous purchase. You are in a unique position in that you can look for all of this stuff, explore options, see what’s out there, but you won’t be tempted to shell out money for anything because of that “what if” factor in the back of your mind. If you have a place in mind (even if it’s as generic as a certain city) then do research on venues in the area, look for recommendations and ratings, and call to get info. That way when it does come, you already have a list of places that seem to work, fit with your scheme and your attempted budget, and can show your FH the top 5 or so. Do as much research beforehand to weed out the stuff that you don’t want to waste your time on. Then you’ll be less stressed later and can have open discussions with your FH.

elle - if you asked her, you are stuck with her. I know it’s harsh, but it’s something you should have thought about before you asked to begin with. Is there a reason? Did you have a fallout with her? If so, the only way to do it would be to approach her and say “I know we’re on bad terms so if you want out I understand.” Is there a reason you can’t have 4 bridesmaids? Is it really worth the damage it could do to your bond with your FILs to kick her out, or might it just be better to suck it up and keep her. As a last resort you might talk to your FH and see if he can’t talk to her, saying something like “Elle really wanted you to be there on our special day because she wants to start off your new sisterhood on the right foot.” Something like that just might make whatever issues you had disappear.

funny comments! i was at the airport and some limo guy was holding a sign for “Butt Chau” that made me chuckle a few times to myself. i made a postcard announcement of our ceremony and will give it to my school staff. i plan on having water bottles and cookies in a little bag on a table outside of the chapel. some people even told me i shouldn’t bother spending extra money since they all know how much it ’s adding up to. but it’s not going to cost too much for a few cases of water and cookies

Amy - change your name to Amy Isabelle Smythe.

Question: Has anyone in Long Island rented a bus to transport guests? We have a lot of out of town people and feel we need to do this, but it seems very expensive. Any suggestions of bus companies with reasonable rates? Thanks!

I’m looking for a pen that will work well on my stardream metallic envelopes http://www.envelopemall.com/detail.aspx?ID=408 anyone have any ideas?

Miss Melodius: I got a single-tier cathedral length veil from Kathy at Occansey Designs–it only cost about $80 and the workmanship was excellent. Mine has 1/8 inch ribbon at the edges and it was sewn on perfectly straight (which you almost never see at bridal stores on veils three or four times as expensive). She let me choose the fabric and did a custom cut at the top so that there wasn’t tons of tulle at the comb, and answered all my questions within a day. I highly recommend her! You can order online at occanseydesigns.com; mine took about three weeks but she will do rush orders.

Elle-

I don’t think you should un-ask someone to be your bridesmaid unless she has done something horrible to you and you just can’t imagine having her by your side. It will create hurt and anger unnecessarily. I agree, why don’t you just add your other friend and not worry about the number of BMs. I am having 6 BMs but 5 groomsmen. All my BMs except one are family. The one exception - my MOH and best friend — will walk down the aisle unescorted, which she is excited about.

joyful - as i read your dilemma i nearly gasped! i’m goign through the same dilemma. i’m probably going to have a 400 ppl tradition church wedding which usually means that there will be a korean food reception in the gym of the church - for 2 reasons:

1) too expensive to have a catered meal for all 400 ppl
2) korean adults (esp church goers) tend to eat and bail out before the cake cutting

I was thinking about having enough korean food for about 250 ppl and then have the other 150 “invite only” guests head over to the second reception. i thought it would be tacky, but the costs of renting out a place and having a second reception with alcohol, dancing, and finger foods would be just as pricey as having a sit down meal for them. some places here have a minimum $$ you have to meet.

such a headache..makes me want to elope!!!