Nothing Is More Honorable Than A Grateful Heart
April 12th, 2007 @ 6:54 pm by Mrs. Pumpkin
I had no idea what an honour bar was before I started planning our wedding. Around here, as uncouth as it is, nobody has an open bar at weddings - at least I have never been to a wedding with an open bar, and with the huge family that I have, I have been to a lot of weddings! Around here people usually have weddings in a hotel banquet room or in a community hall, and guests either pay full price for the drinks (hotel) or they have a Loonie or Twoonie bar (Community Hall where the couple can bring in and serve their own alcohol).
Time out! Okay, I guess I should explain what a loonie and twoonie are for those of you who don’t know. In Canada we have $1 coins and $2 coins. The $1 coin came out first and it has a picture of a Loon on it so Canadians started calling it a loonie. Then a couple of years later the mint started making $2 coins and, being as we are so clever, Canadians started calling it a twoonie. Both names stuck. So, when you come to visit us and someone asks you if you want your change in loonies or twoonies you will know how to answer!
So, back to the issue at hand. If you have a loonie bar every drink costs $1, if you have a twoonie bar every drink costs $2. The point is really to recoup the cost of the alcohol and everyone knows that so we always expect to buy our drinks at weddings, it is just accepted around here.
When we first sat down with our caterer at the restaurant where we are having our reception, we asked about drink costs because we thought that we might break tradition and have an open bar. When he told us the costs ($4.50 - $7.00/drink), we didn’t think that we could afford it so he suggested an honour bar. He explained it as sort of a donation system, so there are pretty jars on the ends of the bar and people can contribute, if they’d like, to the cost of their drinks. If they don’t want to they don’t have to, the bar is essentially open. We just thought that it was a nicer way to do it than to have a twoonie bar, which wouldn’t cover the cost anyway, or having guests pay for all of their drinks.
So, what do you think? Have you ever been to a wedding with an honour bar? Is it something that you would consider doing yourself? I know that this is going to be somewhat of a controversial post because it is so frowned upon to have guests pay for drinks at most weddings in the States. So if you would like to comment on the idea or respond to other posted comments (and I certainly welcome all comments!), please just remember to be sensitive to other views, and that what is tradition or commonplace where you live is not always the same in other areas of the world. 
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35 Responses to “Nothing Is More Honorable Than A Grateful Heart”
I think it’s kind of a cool idea, and especially if traditions make it more acceptable where you are I say by all means rock it! I don’t think I’d be offended with the honor bar system, and it’s also helpful that those who drink a lot know they should contribute more (at least I would feel that way) and those who do not will not feel so obligated to so much. Other options to consider, a semi-hosted bar (beer and wine only) or choose a place / caterer that allow you to bring in your own alcohol.
i am just doing Beer and Wine for 4 hours and your normal soda pop all night…and of course the free punch bowl
We’re doing beer + wine until 10 (reception starts at 7), and soda, water, coffee, punch, and milk all night long. It’ll help cut down the cost substantially
Also, when I was a kid my parents and I would always summer in northern Ontario, and I couldn’t get enough of the Loonies and Twoonies! I love ‘em
I’d say, whatever the standard is in your area should be perfectly adequate, and anything extra is nice. My only question about the honor bar would be that I as a guest might mistake it for the ‘wishing well’ blatant money grab some couples use–I feel like an outright loonie or twoonie donation would be clearer, y’know?
it seems that the local tradition is always more open towards a cash bar type of situation. but i would have a sign that explains the honor bar thing though. i echo the above commentors on their alternatives for a smaller/limited open bar or serving times.
i don’t plan on serving alcohol since no one in either family really drinks [from what i gather] so it’s not like anyone will look around and say, “where’s the bar?” i don’t really like drinking in front of my parents. stupid i know but i’m saving that for the after-party with friends.
i have a couple loonies from a trip to canada! somewhere. lol.
i’ve never been to a full open bar at any wedding i’ve attended. (midwest) it’s always been a cash bar. it may also be that there are several [recovering] alcoholics in my family, so a bar at the wedding isn’t typically found.
at our wedding, the bar is up for debate at this point. it will probably come down to who fronts the money for the bar. if his family wants to front the money, it will be an open bar. if my family fronts the money, there won’t even be alcohol.
The honour bar is the neatest idea I’ve heard of - bar related 
- in a long time! I could see it being thought of as a “wishing well” if it wasn’t near the bar, but I think if you put it right beside the bar with a little note card on it people will know what it is. I think that is a really neat alternative to the twoonie bar!
I’m living in British Columbia CA but our wedding is in Ontario where I grew up - the whole cash/open bar is still up for debate for our wedding. We for sure know that the cocktail hour will be open and wine provided during dinner, but the after dinner/dance portion of the evening is still unclear - my fiance’s family DOES NOT have open bars for various reasons….so we’ll see - good luck with your choice! and don’t forget to let us know how it turns out!
It all depends on the local culture, I guess. Whatever people are used to is fine. On Long Island, people would be scandalized if you had a cash bar, and I personally can’t imagine inviting people and asking them to pay for their drinks. That said, we’re only serving wine, beer, and I think frozen margaritas at our Sunday afternoon wedding. Our package comes with open bar, but the draft beer selection was dismal, and palatable bottled beer was another $3-$4 a person. Knowing our family and friends, we arranged to swap the hard liquor for decent bottled beer. I know that very few hard drinks would be served anyway. And if someone *desperately* needs a scotch or whatever, there’s a golf pub attached to one end of the building.
BTW, I don’t drink at all. I’m going to be toasting with Diet Coke.
we are having a cash bar at our wedding. it may seem taboo in ohio, but if people are coming to our wedding for free beer, then they aren’t there for the right reason! my father is a recovering alcoholic and my future in-laws are strict Pentecostals who don’t drink at all, so we thought as to not disrespect them, we wouldn’t have alcohol at all. however, after much thought and asking around to other family members, we decided to make it available, but we’re not buying it.
i love the idea of an “honour bar”, by my fiances college friends would probably put an “IOU” in the bowl and drink themselves under the cake table!! best wishes!
I think I am having a moment of clarity here! I think what I am hearing is that where it is common to have an open bar you only serve certain drinks and only for a couple of hours. Is that right? That would definitely help! See where I live, it would be more frowned upon to have a limited bar than it is to charge for drinks and people come to weddings at 5:00pm and stay and drink until 2:00am or later. So, this makes sense to me now!
We are definitely going to have signs by the jars explaining the honour bar concept and our MC will also explain it in the announcements before we make our entrance so hopefully it won’t be mistaken for a “wishing well” type thing.
No, Miss Pumpkin, I don’t think that’s an accurate statement of an open bar. Almost every wedding I’ve been to (in California, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania) has had an open bar and it really was an open bar–whatever you wanted, be it a Shirley Temple to chocolate martinis. Even when the hosts supplied the alcohol, they supplied every kind of alcohol, not just the kinds needed for a “signature” drink. This seems to be a very localized issue–from reading this I’ve learned I should not be offended if I go to a wedding in other places and am expected to pay for a drink. However, I would personally much rather have limited access to the host’s choices of wine and beer or whatever than have to fork over $6 for a gin and tonic. To me, I just think it’s awkward to ask your “guests” to pay for anything–that’s why they’re “guests.”
Sounds “looney” to the yanks.
No, Miss Pumpkin, around where I live the totally open bar is the common thing. In fact, there was a recent discussion on Long Island weddings about how to make sure the spirts at the bar were the good stuff such as Gray Goose vodka, not a secondary brand, because their guests would expect it. We, however, are doing this on a tight budget, so we decided against hard liquor. If we were having an evening wedding, we’d certainly have gone for the totally open bar, but since it’s a Sunday afternoon, and we didn’t think many cocktails would be ordered anyway, we decided to dispense with it. Our guests are not going to order fancy martinis most likely. However, if one of the kids wants a Shirley Temple, that will be available!
J’s right, Miss Pumpkin- open bars in the States are typically open all night, not just for a window of time.
Are you allowed to buy your own alcohol at your reception site? Because I hear it’s a lot cheaper to supply your own alcohol than if you were to pay a reception site for it (unless it’s already included in your package). And you can return any unopened alcohol you have for a refund!
And you can definitely save more by offering just wine and beer, and even a signature cocktail. I remember reading Mrs. Bee’s old posts on her open bar and signature cocktail success- both w/ her guests AND financially.
I’m a little confused though- for the loonie/twoonie bars, guests are expected to bring their own alcohol AND pay $1-2 for it? If Why not just buy the alcohol yourself and tell your guests not to bring their own but that “donations” of $1-2 are greatly appreciated? You may not recoup all the costs of your open bar but it’ll be a nice gesture to your guests by not asking them to pay full price for their drinks.
Sorry Penguin! I guess that does sound a little confusing. What I meant was actually what you are proposing in the first part of your comment. The Bride & Groom bring the alcohol to the site and then charge their guests a loonie or twoonie per drink. The guests never bring their own alcohol!
Unfortunately we are not able to bring in our own alcohol - if we could we would definitely be having an open bar. I think that we are going to do some signature drinks too so hopefully that will help as well. Thanks!
We are not doing any alcohol at our reception save for the champagne toast, which we are bringing in ourselves. We are going to bring a certain number of bottles, pour and offer glasses to those who want it, offer alternatives for people who don’t want champagne, and let those who want to drink do so until all the champagne we brought in is gone. Then that’s it!
There were too many complications with liquor. The first is that there’s an added fee at our venue for having it. The second is that it could only be beer and wine anyway, and since I don’t drink either of those (I’m a vodka girl) I couldn’t see the value in it (especially since FH and I are paying for everything ourselves). Not to mention we have lots of college friends coming who would easily drink their share and more, and we didn’t want to head off to our hotel afterwards wondering if certain friends made it home OK. We could have hired transportation for those who had too much to drink, but again it was an added expense. Instead, those who want to drink will be welcome to do so - on their own time with their own money after the reception is over (10pm - still plenty of time to go out)
I’ve heard options where you have an open bar (all liquors all free) for the cocktail hour, and then offer a nice wine with dinner and champagne for a toast. This way people can still drink, but it doesn’t cost nearly as much. Plus, people get the hard liquor in them before dinner, and the food helps soak up the liquor so no one does stupid drunk things at your reception.
If you’re debating between a completely open bar all night and a $2 bar all night, my first question would be do you really feel like you would receive $2 per drink that was served (averaged at the end of the night)? We can all say we would donate our fair share, but can you really hold all 100/150/200 of your guests accountable for this the entire night? Especially if you gave no warning - I don’t carry cash unless I’m going to a bar, and if I was invited to a wedding I would not think to stop by the ATM just in case beforehand)
I would say beer, wine and a signature drink would be plenty. You could even give it a cute name like a “pumpkintini” or a “mr pumpkin and soda”
I’ve never heard of an honour bar (I’m from WA state) and I like many others have been to more than my fair share of weddings! Interestingly, though, the scenario you describe seems very similar to some weddings I’ve been to. We’ve always just assumed the glass jar (or similar) is a recepticle for tips to be divided among the bartenders. (So, I definately recommend sings of some type distinguising it). Hmmm….now I wonder whether the glass jars were for tips or to recoup some of the alcohol costs. Internesting!
I won’t have a bar/cocktail hour at all, seeing as how no one in either of our families (openly) drinks. Ah, the benifits of having 10+ pastors in the family. And no, that’s not a joke. Four on my side and eight on his, if we’re just counting grandparents, uncles, and parents.
I like the honor bar system. I’ve been to open bar weddings, and I guess I’ve just always seen that as an extra expense that has little gain for the bride and groom. If the guests are used to having to pay full price for their drinks, they will appreciate the option.
I wish we could provide our own liquor at the reception — for one thing, it would be cheaper — but you could also ensure that you get the right brands that you like. Apparently BYOL is against the law here in Missouri, but you can supply your own wine, which is great :o) although they typically charage a corkage fee, which is not. I think here in St. Louis, people have seen all kinds of set-ups, but most of the weddings I’ve been to have been open bars. I’m not much of a drinker myself - except for wine. But I’m *really* picky about soda, so the reception site *must* serve Coca Cola products. No Pepsi or generic! ;o)
i’ve never heard of a honour bar, but i think it’s a super cute idea!! loonie and twoonie. heehee. esp if it’s not expected to have an open bar (bc i think even in the US depending on where you live, expectations are diff) then go for it!! yayy for learning something new.
OK I know I’ve just got my backwards little Midwestern views, but I can’t believe that guests would ever *expect* an open bar, much less with top-shelf liquors. Pencils, I’m not at all insulting or doubting you, but I just can’t believe that guests could be so presumptuous. Really, any liquor at all should be seen as a nice extra, and not an assumed part of the event. And then to be insulted if they’re not top shelf? Whew!
So far in our planning, I’ve had people ask if we’ll have alcohol there, and if so what kind. They seem totally cool when I tell them it’s gonna be wine and beer–honestly, alcohol isn’t ever *assumed* at a wedding around here!
Wow–this is really showing me how different expectations are based on what part of our big ol’ continent you’re in. Interesting stuff!
I live in sf and i wouldn’t say that its frowned upon not to have an open bar. Of course it is nice to do so, but not everyone can afford it. Though I could be biased since I don’t really drink, so i would rather do without the alcohol.
But it also depends on your reception/banquet. If you have a traditional chinese banquet then you have some alcohol on the table like Johhny Walker and some Remy. But its not open bar.
If you have an American style reception then I’ve seen open bars or open bar during the cocktail hour then wine served during the meal
Since we are doing a banquet, we are thinking of just having champagne for toasting.
When you have open bars, you have to worry about people getting wasted and wondering if they made it home ok.
I am from Niagara Falls, Canada, and now I live in Toronto, Canada and I have been to weddings all across Ontario and in Quebec and only one wedding had a cash bar. I think that open bars are the norm here in Canada too–but maybe it changes from province to province!? At our upcoming wedding we are having a full, premium open bar but it was a ridiculously good price!
I’d say it definitely changes from province to province. I’ve been to weddings in Nova Scotia New Brunswick and Prince Edward Island and have always had to pay for my drinks. My wedding is in Nova Scotia. We’ll have wine on the tables for guests, but anything else is their choice, at their cost.
I’m Canadian, from the Vancouver area, and I have never been to a wedding with a cash bar (and I’ve been to many a wedding), but maybe that is a provincial thing. One of the reasons that we chose the venue we did was because we could bring our own alcohol (and thus just pay cost) instead of having to pay the hugely marked up prices charged by most venues. If you can buy your own booze, something to consider is that most provincial liquor stores (at least the BCL and the SAQ) will allow you to return unopened bottles of anything, so we are just planning on returning what we don’t use. At least there’s some benefit to not being able to buy alcohol in grocery stores like you can in the US (where I live now)!
Miss Blueberry, it’s not that one way is more or less backward than another, it’s the expectations of the culture of where you live, and, of course, your ethnicity. (Since ethnicity seems to have a lot to do with tradition and weddings.) I was raised with the idea that if you invite people to be your guests, you provide for them. That doesn’t necessarily include a fully stocked bar with premium liquor, of course. But wine and beer? If I couldn’t afford palatable (in my opinion) wine and beer for my guests, I’d invite fewer people. I’d never ask my guests to pay for their drinks. If someone on in this area had a cash bar at their wedding, I bet you’d hear a lot of muttering, and socially, you’d probably never live it down. So, yes, people do expect it. You’ve likely been to weddings with open bars, so you think it’s the way it’s done. It’s part of the reason why weddings on Long Island are so freakin’ expensive.
another New Yorker into the fray: i have never been to a wedding that’s not open bar, so i would definitely be surprised if i arrived and it was an alcohol-free event (esp. if there’s dancing since no way, no how am i out on the floor sans a cocktail or two…)
i also never bring significant amounts of cash to weddings in my teeny tiny evening purses, but for a few smaller bills to tip the bartenders, bathroom attendants, etc. so if i got to a wedding with a cash bar, i’d be teetotaling it for lack of funds.
and despite Miss Blueberry’s comment, i don’t think it’s presumptuous that i (or my guests) have an expectation of that to which we’re accustomed. if one has *never* been to a wedding where there wasn’t an open bar, how could one expect anything other than just that? frankly, in my wedding guest life, the concept of a cash bar at a wedding is foreign to me. i have been to weddings at home, abroad, on the West Coast and right in St. Louis. in the heart of the Midwest, and there have been open bars at all.
that said, i would not be angry or resentful of any bride who chose to go a different route– finances, personal reasons, venue limitations could all inform such a choice. but it would certainly be unexpected based on my own anecdotal experience.
re: “If I couldn’t afford palatable (in my opinion) wine and beer for my guests, I’d invite fewer people”.
I would rather have a good party with everyone who is important to me than a jaw-droppingly fabulous party that I had to exclude family and friends from.
I definitely see that it’s a cultural/location based thing though, so I’ll leave it be
Until I got into wedding planning, I felt like it should be open bar (not necessarily top-shelf) or bust. However, our guest list has BALLOONED (not my doing), so we’ve had to cut back. Where I’m getting married (WI) cash bars aren’t uncommon. We’re having open bar (everything) through the cocktail hour, a champagne toast, and free beer/wine the rest of the night. Still, I hate the idea that some of our guests will have to pay for drinks!
I do definitely see what you’re saying, and I don’t disagree with you at all–that was the point of my original post–just an observation that things can be so different in different parts of the country, and different social circles!
That said, in all the weddings I’ve been to there hasn’t been a full open bar at any–I’ve seen cash bars, open wine and beer, no alcohol, champagne toasts…just luck of the draw, I guess! I will say that I’ve never looked down on anyone for any choice they’ve made about their weddings.
Melissa, that’s a pretty rude and presumptuous thing to say. Why do you assume my wedding is going to be jaw-droppingly fabulous if I’m going to serve wine and beer? You must have a pretty low expectation of parties. One of the best ways to save money on a wedding is to cut your guest list. You don’t have to cut out your family and good friends, but most people invite guests who aren’t really “important” to them: coworkers, parents’ friends, social contacts, etc. If my fiance and I couldn’t provide for them in what we consider to be a proper manner, we would have had a smaller wedding. Yes, it’s a cultural thing, obviously.
It is *definitely* the local culture of NYC and Long Island to have a premium open bar. Unfortunately brides who don’t follow that tradition do tend to get “whispered about” at their own weddings. Personally I find that horrid, but it’s unfortunately the truth.
Despite the above, own wedding this October will offer a few signature cocktails, wine and beer - and that’s it. Something about having a full open bar, with premium liquors, doesn’t fit with my fiancee’s and my own style. I expect that we will have a certain small number of disappointed guests, but I’m hoping that the cleverness of our chosen cocktails and the fun of our wedding overall will help them get over it!
I don’t really drink, so I’ve honestly never noticed what the situation is at any wedding I’ve gone to. I considered saving some money by doing only wine and beer and a cocktail, but my fiance absolutely demanded that we have an open bar. He really resented the weddings he’s been to where he had to pay for drinks–especially ones he had to travel to get to. Maybe this is because he grew up on Long Island, so he expects open bars. But he said that if people are traveling all the way to NYC to come to our wedding–at no small expense–he’s not going to nickel-and-dime them on top of it. It’s one of the few things he felt very strongly about.
That said, I’m amazed at how jacked up it is–one place I looked into charges $25 per person PER HOUR for the open bar. I had to bite my tongue to keep from asking how many people are really going to drink $25 worth of liquor every hour for five hours???
Pencils, sorry that it’s ‘rude’ to say that you’re throwing a better party than I am. I’ll never ever again presume to tell you that you’re doing a good job.
My guest list is entirely populated by friends and family. I know that I don’t have the budget to invite coworkers and social contacts and therefore I am not.
I live in Winnipeg, and cash bars are pretty common here - in fact, I have yet to attend a wedding with an open bar. But you will want to check into local liquor laws first. In Manitoba you have to have a license if you sreve alcohol - either open bar or cash bar. If you have a cash bar, you can not sell drinks for less then $2.25.
Mrs. Pumpkin, Saskatchewan, Canada
Blogger Since: April 10, 2007
Age and Occupation: 28, Lawyer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Farmer
Engagement Date: July 14, 2006
Wedding Date: June, 2007
About Me: I love movies, music and I am addicted to TV. When I have some spare time I also love scrapbooking and making personalized greeting cards and above all playing Hide & Seek or Duck, Duck, Goose with my two adorable nieces!
I’m from Vancouver and it’s considered kind of taboo to have a cash bar here too. But I think that may be a product of living in a major city rather than living in the US. I’m actually not too surprised to hear that cash bars/twoonie bars are acceptable and even expected in SK, it’s a totally different lifestyle there!
If cash bar/twoonie bar is the norm in your neck of the woods, then I think an honour bar is a nice way of doing things. But, despite customs, it IS always nice for your guests if you do a host bar if you can swing it. If the drink prices are $4.50 - $7, can you do a limited bar with just the lower-priced items? Maybe a wine & beer only bar? Because $7 a drink can sting a bit, but $4.50 is not so bad…