Weddingbee

we registered for our honeymoon on honeyfund.com

Being Asian, I still can’t really understand why giving cash would be rude. I mean, I understand it’s part of most non-Asian cultures but honestly, who wouldn’t appreciate receiving cash. And deep down, who wouldn’t be more than happy to receive cash…or even a gift at all?

i agree with L…being asian myself, i prefer to give red envelopes (cash) to the newlyweds because they can use the money to purchase whatever they wish and it helps offset the cost of their wedding. in fact, i’d wish everyone could stop feeling insulted when cash is requested in lieu of gifts.. i mean, how many wedding picture frames could you possibly use??

I (being from a WASP background) can tell you that most wasps consider it rude to EVER talk about money (how much money something cost, how much money someone makes, etc.) therefore, it just isn’t done to just give money. I am marrying a wonderful Jewish man and know from going to his son’s wedding that you usually just give money, but I couldn’t do it. Firstly, it didn’t seem personal enough and I felt like I wanted to show them that I cared about the gift I gave and took time to pick it out, etc. Frankly, this method is clearly more SELFISH on the part of the giver as the gift I gave was more about ME and what taste I have, how much consideration I put into it, etc. Maybe that is the difference. When you give money, it is all about the receiver and what they want, nothing about the giver. Obviously, the latter sounds better(giving gifts for the receiver), but it has just been bred into me not to give cash.

We looked into doing this, and both families made it clear how incredibly rude they thought the idea was. So, we registered, but there’s not a lot that we need, so now we are getting complaints about the size of the registries! I do wish that nontraditinal registeries were more socially acceptable.

We did register at BB&B and do need some of the items on our registry…. however, we are buying our first home, and would much rather receive money toward that. I think, though, that we may have to leave our registry available and just keep the line on our website about buying a home and gratefully receiving contributions toward that. Growing up in a WASPY family, too, I can say that people are more likely to give you money if they know it’s going toward something big and financially sound, like a house, rather than paying you back for the wedding (I know it’s silly, but I know what Shelley means.)

I had heard of this, but never seen a site, and after browsing it, I don’t really like it. Basically, rather than simply accepting whatever money your guests want to give you, you’re trying to dictate how much cash they give. You can’t ask for cash!

I also really loathe the way some of these sites count up the money you’ve received–”$2,375 given so far!” It’s really crass. I’m Asian, too, and I see no problem with red envelopes, but I’d never stand up at the end of my wedding and crow, “Hey, we’ve got $5,785! Thanks so much, everyone!” It just makes it really feel like you’re having a wedding to extort money.

For that reason, I agree that it’s incredibly rude to list your registry (of any kind) on the invitation, or anywhere in the invitation package. If people want to know, they’ll look on your website or ask your mom. If they don’t want to know, well, they’ll probably give you cash.

I gotta say that when I first heard about the honeymoon registry, I was a little intrigued. It seemed like a fine idea; I mean, if I am asking for the fancy place setting via a registry, why not give people the option to treat us to a fancy dinner on our honeymoon? My fiance and I have been living together for almost 5 years, and we have a fully equipped home of our own. I felt silly asking for more “stuff.”

My mom and some good friends immediately said it was not a good idea. After talking to them about it, I understood why. Putting things like place settings and wine goblets on a registry is supposed to give people an idea of what you need to start your new lives together, and equip your new home. And while the idea is nice that people can give you a gift towards your honeymoon, they can always do that on their own and give cash.

Now I don’t feel so silly putting wine goblets on my registry, because quite frankly, the stuff that we have now is old, cheap, and our home could use a little sprucing up!

Nobody says a registry is a requirement. No matter what a couple does nowadays, they will inevitably offend someone.

We registered both at Macys and with a honeymoon registry. We have a house and stuff in it, we don’t really want more. So we used thebigday as well. We also booked our trip through them and are incurring no fees for us or our guests if they choose to buy a honeymoon gift. I am not enclosing any cards in my invitations, but the registries are on my website.

If people bring me a gift (on or off the registry), I’ll be happy. If people don’t bring me a gift; honestly, I’ll be just as happy. My guests are invited b/c I love them, not because they are worth $$ to me.

I’m asian as well and I dont see anything wrong with giving money. I think money would be appreciated in any culture. My old-fashion dad actually thinks its rude to have a gift registry because you are telling your guests what to buy you for gifts which I guess is similar to telling your guests how much to give you for your honeymoon fund on a honeymoon registry.