Wedding Blog
Now that more and more couples are living together before marriage, it seems the registry is starting to stray from china and housewares to the more unconventional honeymoon and “future home” accounts. I think this is a great idea for couples who already have everything - I mean, who needs three colanders?
Mr. Kiwi and I had actually considered this a few months ago, but decided against it for many reasons - number one, our housewares are crap. Seriously. Our pans suck and our pots rust. Hey- we moved in almost three years ago and we were po’. So we really need the things off our registry, ya know? I mean, if we don’t get them, no biggie, but I’d rather have something to last forever. Reason number two: our family is old fashioned. In their minds, it’s like asking for money, having a registry made of a honeymoon site. They’d rather give us money- if they choose to take that option. As they wish, right?
What I’m saying is, the honeymoon registry is great for those of you who have everything you need already - but you should probably try to follow some etiquette “tips”. Why do I care? Mr. Kiwi and I have received an invite to a wedding, and the registry information was printed right on the invitation - in bright red lettering, a different color from the rest of the wording. It said to fill out the enclosed card, and bring it to the bridal shower. What? The card had two lines - one saying “Item” and the other saying “Name”.
At first I was confused, am I supposed to put how much money I want to contribute? Isn’t that a little rude? Then I went to the web address listed on the invitation and saw what they meant. There are itineraries and experiences you can pay for. We can also pay for the nights they are staying in the condo. So, if I were to purchase one night of their condo, and a scuba session, I’d list that and my name.
According to The Big Day website, you should never mention the registry on the invitation. But they do say to include a card with the information, and the maps, directions… etc. This information is also listed on websites, like most couples have now. On The Big Day, I was a little insulted by how the co-founder worded something regarding wedding gifts.
“Consider the following two registry items:
While both might cost the guest $75, there’s a HUGE difference between the two! The first one says “we’re willing to spend $75 on your wedding gift”, while the second says “we’d like to give you this particular romantic experience to celebrate your wedding”. Either way, of course, you get $75 to help you have a great honeymoon, but for the wedding guest, it’s a much more personal and rewarding thing to give you the sunset sail. “
So if I were to give cash, I’M being rude because I’m giving the bride and groom a “price” I think they’re worth? Well then - Thank YOU for inspiring me to give a card and cash.
I’m sure there are plenty of other Honeymoon registry websites available where they don’t tell you what I think the bride and groom are worth. Other options I’ve found: The Honeymoon Gift, Traveler’s Joy, and The Honeymoon. After all that research, Mr. Kiwi just reminded me that the bride’s dad is paying for their honeymoon. Then why the registry? 
Are you doing a honeymoon registry? Where is yours held? How are you passing the “word”?
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FH and I have a honeymoon registry even though we’ve already paid money towards the honeymoon. The way we figure it is we paid because they had a free upgrade deal going on awhile back, and any gifts we get will reimburse us for what we paid (using the transitive property it would be like they paid for the honeymoon and we never did!) Or, we can then take that cash and put it towards something else since our honeymoon will already be paid for.
I guess it’s different because her dad is paying for it and she’s the one receiving your gifts. It is a sneaky way to get cash, because maybe not everyone knows her dad is paying for it to begin with. It’s one of those things that if you send her cash, even if it’s for “your first night as newlyweds” she might really use it for her first new pair of shoes as newlyweds or something. It’s the reason why we have two traditional registries on top of our honeymoon one, so people can gift us in the way they feel comfortable with.
But knowing that her dad is paying for the honeymoon, and (though I don’t know her) feeling like she’s not going to let him have the money she receives, I would give her something else.
we registered for our honeymoon on honeyfund.com 
oops i pushed send b4 finishing… we just put the info on our wedding website, we didn’t advertise it on our invitations. but we did advertise our wedding website on our invitation.
Being Asian, I still can’t really understand why giving cash would be rude. I mean, I understand it’s part of most non-Asian cultures but honestly, who wouldn’t appreciate receiving cash. And deep down, who wouldn’t be more than happy to receive cash…or even a gift at all?
We have a regular registry for “things” but we don’t have a lot… just the essentials, universal things that we can move from the apartment we’ll be living in first to our home that will be built by March ‘08. Our family is well aware of our financial situation since we share openly with them all our news and plans on funding our own wedding and how we are in the midst of buying our first home together… so they are going off the registry for our showers and they have a choice to give materially or monetary for the wedding.
i agree with L…being asian myself, i prefer to give red envelopes (cash) to the newlyweds because they can use the money to purchase whatever they wish and it helps offset the cost of their wedding. in fact, i’d wish everyone could stop feeling insulted when cash is requested in lieu of gifts.. i mean, how many wedding picture frames could you possibly use??
I totally agree with the pp, this is what I was saying- if you want to give cash, give cash! Hell, I know I would never say no to a tenner! I don’t think it’s rude to give cash- I’d RATHER give cash.
I (being from a WASP background) can tell you that most wasps consider it rude to EVER talk about money (how much money something cost, how much money someone makes, etc.) therefore, it just isn’t done to just give money. I am marrying a wonderful Jewish man and know from going to his son’s wedding that you usually just give money, but I couldn’t do it. Firstly, it didn’t seem personal enough and I felt like I wanted to show them that I cared about the gift I gave and took time to pick it out, etc. Frankly, this method is clearly more SELFISH on the part of the giver as the gift I gave was more about ME and what taste I have, how much consideration I put into it, etc. Maybe that is the difference. When you give money, it is all about the receiver and what they want, nothing about the giver. Obviously, the latter sounds better(giving gifts for the receiver), but it has just been bred into me not to give cash.
I think what Miss Kiwi meant was that the honeymoon registry is being a bit sneaky. Although it’s posed as “advice”, it also sounds cunning. In that case, it’s better to give the couple straight cash rather than through the registry. It’s the same anyway. I believe those registries take a % and then give the couple “honey dollars”. The HM industry hasn’t been able to perfect the gift giving aspect of it yet. It’s just agents collecting money towards the trip.
We looked into doing this, and both families made it clear how incredibly rude they thought the idea was. So, we registered, but there’s not a lot that we need, so now we are getting complaints about the size of the registries! I do wish that nontraditinal registeries were more socially acceptable.
We did register at BB&B and do need some of the items on our registry…. however, we are buying our first home, and would much rather receive money toward that. I think, though, that we may have to leave our registry available and just keep the line on our website about buying and home and gratefully receiving contributions toward that. Growing up in a WASPY family, too, I can say that people are more likely to give you money if they know it’s going toward something big and financially sound, like a house, rather than paying you back for the wedding (I know it’s silly, but I know what Shelley means.)
We did register at BB&B and do need some of the items on our registry…. however, we are buying our first home, and would much rather receive money toward that. I think, though, that we may have to leave our registry available and just keep the line on our website about buying a home and gratefully receiving contributions toward that. Growing up in a WASPY family, too, I can say that people are more likely to give you money if they know it’s going toward something big and financially sound, like a house, rather than paying you back for the wedding (I know it’s silly, but I know what Shelley means.)
we already bought home so we didn’t need too many things. of course, upgrades are always nice! so we did end up registering at BBB and Crate. in addition, we also added a honeymoon registry from travelrs joy. cash is also accepted - we do not descriminate =). whatever anyone gets us, we’ll be happy with.
I had heard of this, but never seen a site, and after browsing it, I don’t really like it. Basically, rather than simply accepting whatever money your guests want to give you, you’re trying to dictate how much cash they give. You can’t ask for cash!
I also really loathe the way some of these sites count up the money you’ve received–”$2,375 given so far!” It’s really crass. I’m Asian, too, and I see no problem with red envelopes, but I’d never stand up at the end of my wedding and crow, “Hey, we’ve got $5,785! Thanks so much, everyone!” It just makes it really feel like you’re having a wedding to extort money.
For that reason, I agree that it’s incredibly rude to list your registry (of any kind) on the invitation, or anywhere in the invitation package. If people want to know, they’ll look on your website or ask your mom. If they don’t want to know, well, they’ll probably give you cash.
sorry bout that! that was an editing error in my part for anyone that misunderstood what miss kiwi meant
I gotta say that when I first heard about the honeymoon registry, I was a little intrigued. It seemed like a fine idea; I mean, if I am asking for the fancy place setting via a registry, why not give people the option to treat us to a fancy dinner on our honeymoon? My fiance and I have been living together for almost 5 years, and we have a fully equipped home of our own. I felt silly asking for more “stuff.”
My mom and some good friends immediately said it was not a good idea. After talking to them about it, I understood why. Putting things like place settings and wine goblets on a registry is supposed to give people an idea of what you need to start your new lives together, and equip your new home. And while the idea is nice that people can give you a gift towards your honeymoon, they can always do that on their own and give cash.
Now I don’t feel so silly putting wine goblets on my registry, because quite frankly, the stuff that we have now is old, cheap, and our home could use a little sprucing up!
Hi Miss Kiwi, I’m a web developer for TheBigDay and I think that I can help clear up a little confusion with our registry suggestions.
you said: “So if I were to give cash, I’M being rude because I’m giving the bride and groom a “price” I think they’re worth? Well then - Thank YOU for inspiring me to give a card and cash.”
We aren’t saying that you’re rude. What we’re saying here is that it’s much more meaningful to buy a gift for the honeymoon couple that is meant to go towards a specific and memorable experience - like a sunset sail or scuba diving lessons - as opposed to handing them cash “towards their honeymoon”.
This way, they will remember who specifically helped pay for their romantic sunset cruise.
We understand that etiquette can be a major issue when it comes to all kinds of registries - especially honeymoon registries because not everyone is familiar with the concept. Maybe this page can help as well:
http://www.thebigday.com/Etiquette.asp
I hope I was able to help
Nobody says a registry is a requirement. No matter what a couple does nowadays, they will inevitably offend someone.
We registered both at Macys and with a honeymoon registry. We have a house and stuff in it, we don’t really want more. So we used thebigday as well. We also booked our trip through them and are incurring no fees for us or our guests if they choose to buy a honeymoon gift. I am not enclosing any cards in my invitations, but the registries are on my website.
If people bring me a gift (on or off the registry), I’ll be happy. If people don’t bring me a gift; honestly, I’ll be just as happy. My guests are invited b/c I love them, not because they are worth $$ to me.
We did a honeymoon registry because we didn’t need typical househould items and for our non-asian guests who might not feel comfortable with giving money.
We’re using honeymoonwishes.com - very easy to setup, you get an email alert every time someone gives you a gift and you can request them to send you a check with the money at any time via Paypay or even direct deposit!
I’m asian as well and I dont see anything wrong with giving money. I think money would be appreciated in any culture. My old-fashion dad actually thinks its rude to have a gift registry because you are telling your guests what to buy you for gifts which I guess is similar to telling your guests how much to give you for your honeymoon fund on a honeymoon registry.
Well, reading everyone’s comments I will have to put it my 2 cents. Being a travel agent I still think that the honeymoon registry is a good idea to help pay for costs for the wedding and honeymoon. What a concept for those couples who struggled to get themselves a nice wedding and honeymoon so the guests “If they choose” can help pay for costs.
To me though the set- up should be more of a donation on not a set price like you see on these honeymoon websites.
I liked so much my honeymoon vacations :). I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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