Wedding Blog
Mr. Kiwi is in a wedding in June. Actually, we THINK he’s in a wedding in June. We went to dinner with the couple, and the bride-to-be told him, “The groomsmen are wearing black tuxes with red vests, okay?” Mr. Kiwi replied that it would be fine, and we let the conversation drop. Since this was the first I’ve heard about this wedding party, I asked Mr. Kiwi if they had actually asked him to be a groomsman. Yeaaah… nope.
Now we’re wondering if she was just asking our advice as a soon to be married couple as well, or if she assumed he was in the party. It’s not even that it’s just a friend asking, it’s a family member. So, while I suppose we should ASK the groom, there is currently a little familial strife going on, and the groom isn’t answering anyone’s phone calls.
When Mr. Kiwi asked his brother to be the best man, he just called him up and asked him. Simple, right? Although women like to make cards, send flowers, or bake cakes to show our appreciation for our future wedding party, do guys even worry about that?
How did your FI/hubby do the asking? If you’re not engaged yet, do you think he’s more the “give ‘em a call and ask” or a man who goes above and beyond?
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FI went half and half. For a couple guys who live further away, he just called them and asked. For those who live nearby he called them all to play some basketball, and he asked them there after the games. Not the same amount of effort that I put in for my girls, but I was surprised that he even thought to do anything besides a phone call.
LOL while I wrote a personal note to each of my BMs with their STD’s asking them to stand up for me in the wedding, FI, while out with our usual group of friends, announces… “ok I’ve got room for one more and there’s 3 of you, so fight it out amongst yourselves and let me know who wins.” To say the least, nobody was rushing into the ring for a battle and eventually we got an “ok fine I’ll do it.”
Ahhhh men!
What a great topic! I was actually very surprised at how nervous Mr. Pumpkin was to do the asking. He put it off for weeks because he wanted to find the “right time” to ask his best man. I thought this was hilarious! I just never expected it. So, when he finally did it he took his best man out for a beer and popped the question. Although I never expected it I was very pleased that he took it so seriously and realized that this was a big favour that he was asking of his best friend.
As for your dilemma, I think I would just try to call and ask, even if he might not answer the call hopefully you can leave a message and if Mr. Kiwi is in the wedding party one would hope that they would return THAT call. If it were further away I might just wait and see if they called to schedule fittings and what-not but June is not far away and for both yours and their planning I think it might be best to get it sorted out sooner rather than later. Good luck!
Just like pp above, he did half and half. Half of the groomsmen live in Hawaii so he called them and the other half live here in Oregon so he asked them in person. He didn’t do anything special for them, he just came out and asked them whether we were at a BBQ at someone’s house, or out at a club.
Same goes for me. Half of my BM’s live here in Oregon so I asked them in person kind of one on one, and my BM’s that live in Hawaii I asked over the phone.
Kekeke After much nagging on my part and counting up if we would have an even number of GMs vs BMs, Mr. SP called up his buddies and said “hey man, what’s going on? nuttin’ much. hey, I am getting married ya know. Ya know, this August. If you’re not doin anything. Umm, You wanna be my groomsman? Okay great. Umm, nuttin’ much right. Just gotta get a tux and be there. Okay see you later man. Gotta have another game night soon (video game night that we host). bye
Like Mr. Pumpkin, FI put off asking his groomsmen for not weeks - but months! Finally, he has a deadline since we are sending out STDs and I think they should be asked before that!! I asked my BMs right away and made a huge effort to find cute cards to officially ask them (they all live in different areas).
I made will you be my groomsmen cards for him to give when asking, like I had done with my bridesmaids. Yeaaah, no he did not go for this idea at all and I still have the cards laying around somewhere. He just asked them over the phone.
Phone calls and face-to-face! Dudes are like that, “hey man, just wondering if you wanted to be in the wedding…” Whereas I obsessed over who to ask and how to ask them. 
Lol Miss Snow Pea that’s totally how guys are, eh? Actually I can’t talk though, that’s sort of how I asked my BM’s. I didn’t make a fuss over it or any cards, I just asked each of them in person.
My fiance Chris asked his best man (his brother) in person as well when we were at his parents’ place for Christmas. It was just a quick question, nothing special. He asked my brother in person to be a groomsman, to which my bro responded, “yeah I’m sure we can work something out…” Lol. It was a little tougher with the other groomsman, his best friend Ryan. Ryan is getting married in June and my fiance is his best man, and Ryan has assumed for years that he would be Chris’s best man as well, although Chris never confirmed this. But Chris wanted his brother to fill that role, so asking Ryan was more like “demoting” him than asking a favour!
They’re like girls, with all the drama… anyway Chris took Ryan out for a beer and explained the situation to him. I think he was a bit disappointed but he took it in stride and accepted the role of groomsman without any hesitation, so it all worked out well.
Our wedding is next month and he still hasn’t told all of his groomsmen. I scolded him last night….good thing they’re all just wearing black suits…everyone has a black suit, right?
I asked on my FI’s behalf….can’t count on him to do anything but show up….typical guy I guess. =)
Thank goodness I didn’t have to go through this! We each chose our oldest, dearest friend to stand for us. But FI did have some angst even doing that. I just let him handle it his way, but was surprised how nervous he was.
His friends, however, have been AWFUL about asking. It was like a game for us after a while (”I’ll bet you $5 that John is going to ask you!” ” You are so going down on this one!” “But you’re his best friend” “Yeah and but he would’ve asked by NOW.”). I’ll be damned if some of them have waited until literally the couple of months leading up to the wedding to ask. Then it’s tux rentals, planning bachelor parties, additional days off work…. Oh boys….
i imagine my bf would be a phone or in person guy. he’ll leave the getting overly excited with cards and ribbons and stuff for me. lol.
I’m not sure that my fiance has actually asked his brothers yet. His best man will be his fifteen-year-old son, and I want his brothers to hold two of the chuppah poles during the ceremony, but I don’t know if he’s actually *talked* to any of them yet. Sigh. They’re not wearing tuxes, just suits, so it’s not a huge deal, but guys can be so…lackadaisical. I asked my attendants via email, but I did it as soon as we booked the date.
I’ve asked my bridesmaids and my flower girl. I put together cards with a sweet poem for my maids and just asked my brother if my niece would be able to be the flower girl! I still need to ask my other brother about my nephew being in the wedding as the ring bearer.
I’m pretty sure my FH will be asking his guys just regularly. He’s slow on it so I’m expecting I’ll have to prod him along a little. I figure it will be e-mails and phone calls though. 
interesting. maybe they just wanted you to know that since the wedding party is wearing red vests that you should not wear red vests.
Oh my god, this was one of the more stressful aspects of planning for me. I knew who he was going to ask (at least 5 out of the 8 guys were total no brainers) but he was such a pain in the neck about doing the actual asking.
And he agonized over not asking certain guys whose weddings he’d been in. He’s been in way too many weddings and I only have 5 girls. I’m fine with a bit lopsided but at some point there have to be some men left in the pews.
Sorry, I’m still a bit hot about this topic. It was just way more involved than it ever needed to be - and some of the guys didn’t get asked until the 2 month point. Sorry fellas!
It took him 3 months to ask any of them. And only after much prodding from me while on the phone with any of them.
*poke, poke, poke* “Just ask him already!!!”
“Ok!!! Fine!!! Julie wants me to ask you to be my Best Man.”
Jeez you’d think he was asking for a loan or something.
My man is still in the process of asking his own brother. He BARELY asked his uncle yesterday to be an usher, and I don’t think he still has officially asked the best man. It’s like pulling teeth with him sometimes.
His mom made him ask his uncle, but I don’t know how I can con him into making another phone call.
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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