Wedding Blog

B listers shouldn’t get save the dates, because the only people who get save the dates are those who will receive an invitation for sure. Just think - if you got a save the date, turned down other events, and didn’t get an invite later, wouldn’t you be miffed?

I took an informal survey of our A-listers and had a good idea as to who would or would not come. Then, I ranked my B-listers, and sent them invitations immediately once I confirmed that A-listers wouldn’t come. Luckily for us, our B-listers were mostly in-town guests who we didn’t have to worry about travel, etc. To accommodate your concerns, I would send the invites out early (we sent them out at 8weeks) and left just over one month for the rsvp deadline.

B listers should not get save-the-dates.

I think if you’re going to do a B-list, then one of the inherent risks with doing that is that you simply can’t give B-listers much time to plan for travel/accommodations because you have no way of knowing ahead of time whether they’ll be invited or not. (Although you can minimise the problem by sending out invites early, as suggested above)

I have the same problem. I’m trying to include all the people who live far away out of town on the A-list. In fact the only B-listers who live out of town are people who I hope will decline (they’re my parents’ friends and they live in Australia, so I don’t know them very well) so I’m not too bothered if they don’t have time to pull together travel plans.

I have a semi-related question. If you send out save-the-dates and a few people verbally tell you they won’t be able to attend, do you not send them an invitation then? I feel like this is a stupid question, but my wedding is out-of-town and I’m guessing a few of my friends/office ppl won’t be able to make it. I’m sure they’ll let me know when I send out save the dates, but I feel bad they won’t get an actual invitation. Of course, I don’t want to seem like a present-grubber. What did you guys do?

everyone who gets a STD should get an invite, even if they verbally tell you they can’t make it. plans do change. and certainly don’t send any b-listers STDs, as then you are required to send them an invite regardless.

i have tried to A-list all the OOTers that I really actually want to come so that I can give them appropriate notice with an STD. So B-list is mostly local people (who I also want to come but may have to leave off for space reasons) and a few OOTers that are more optional to me - parents friend’s and whatnot.

I am planning to do similiar to n, except a little earlier. Mail A-invites maybe 10-12 weeks in advance, and send out B list invites 6-8 weeks in advance based on the no’s that have already come in. With locals, I think you could invite B listers as late as 4 weeks in advance, but OOT B-invites should go out at least 6 weeks for it not to look somewhat obvious what it is.

I don’t really know what the proper etiquette is but my friend received a save the day but never an invite. She was pretty hurt because she basically was expecting an invite in the mail up until a few weeks before the wedding. I think maybe you should pass up on that in case you hurt anyone’s feelings if you aren’t going to invite them in the end. I always thought STDs meant, the invites on the way but we hope you’ll reserve the date as soon as possible to attend our wedding kind of thing.

I don’t think a B list is a “no-no” — most people I know have used them. Our reception site is limited to 170 people, so we have 170 exactly on our A list, and then a B list.
Do NOT send Save the Dates to B list guests! Just send out your A list invites earlier than your normally would. Ours is a holiday weekend, so we have extra leeway, so we are sending out our invites approximately 3 months before the wedding, and putting an RSVP date as 2 weeks after the invites go out (everyone should already know whether or not they can attend due to the save the dates). Then, we will hear back from them and be able to send out the B list invites 6 weeks before the wedding, which is the normal time to send out invitations. This way, the B listers will not know that they are getting the invitations late, and will still have 6 weeks to make travel plans and arrange hotel rooms.
But definitely do not send out save the dates if you will not be inviting the person to the wedding!

I heard that if someone tells you they definitely cannot come, you do not send an invitation because it seems like a gift grab.

Definitely don’t do B-list STD’s because technically, if someone’s on the b-list, honestly, they aren’t a priority for you and maybe don’t need to plan that far in advance. If someone’s that important, put them on the a-list and send them an STD. That sounds kind of sad, but it’s true!

definitely do not send std’s to people on the b list. what i would do is try to reserve a block of rooms with a deadline date as close to the wedding date as possible. send your a list invites out super early so that you’ll be able to send out your b list invites once people start rsvp’ing no. then you’ll already have hotel rooms blocked. many hotels don’t charge you a fee even if you don’t book up all the rooms you’ve set aside (the westin in times sq for instance where we reserved rooms).

pricey flights might still be a problem, but miss lime blogged about group travel discounts on american airlines earlier today, so that might be something you could look into.

luckily mr. bee and i have no friends so there was no need for a b list. personally i’d be offended if i found out i was on a b list, but i understand the need for them. as long as you juggle it right, i think you can make it work.

good luck!

I’m going to have to do an A/B list for capacity reasons. I think sending out the A list invites way in advance is a great idea and that’s what I plan to do. My question is: does this mean that the A-invites and the B-invites have 2 different RSVP dates?

can you just send invites way in advance and forgo STDs?

I’m curious regarding the B list and how to rank the people on the B list. If you get no’s from the bride’s parents’ friends, should you mail a B-lister from their list an invitation?