Anything But The Perfect Dress Shopping Experience
April 19th, 2007 @ 4:47 pm by Mrs. Pumpkin
Shopping for a wedding dress was one part of wedding planning that I was dreading. I know that this is not normal but I honestly wasn’t looking forward to it for a couple of reasons:
1) I am a larger than “normal” bride.
2) I am not a girly girl at all.
3) No one seemed to want to go with me; it wasn’t the big event it seems to be for others.
So there I was, about seven months away from my wedding and I hadn’t even tried on a dress yet. I now know that this is absolute craziness! Finally, while Christmas shopping with my FMIL she MADE me go into a store with her and try on a dress. I felt uncomfortable the instant I set foot in the place (Debra Dee’s in Saskatoon), and the sales people proceeded to ignore me completely until I hunted down someone to ask them about how the dresses were organized. This turned out to be a huge mistake and as soon as she asked what size I was, I knew that I would regret answering her. When I said that I thought I was an 18 or so, she loudly announced that I would need to go to the plus sizes in the back of the store. How humiliating! My FMIL was determined to have me try on at least one dress that day though, so I followed her to the back of the store and picked out one that didn’t look like it had been made in the 80’s.
Once I had chosen the dress I let myself into a change room and started to undress. Before I even knew what was happening the curtain was ripped back and the sales lady was standing there scolding me for attempting to put the dress on myself. Meanwhile I am standing there, except for panties naked as the day I was born, with my mouth gaping open in full view of everyone! Luckily she quickly slid the dress over my head before I could start to cry and did up the laces in the back. I calmed down enough to step out of the change room to look at myself and was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. The dress actually looked alright on me! Thank goodness, because if it had been a disaster I think I might never have gone dress shopping again and I would be getting married in my PJ’s. I didn’t like the dress *that* much though and left the store without purchasing it.
So, with that great experience under my belt, you can imagine how anxious I was to go dress shopping again. Thankfully, a girl that I had known in high school had opened a lovely new wedding dress shop in Regina, and so about week later my MOH and I went in there to look for both her dress and mine. The sales staff there were fantastic and I felt completely comfortable and at ease. I found a dress that I really quite liked but after trying it on several times in front of various people, I decided that it didn’t have that “THIS IS THE ONE” kind of feel to it. We did buy my MOH’s dress off the rack there for $55 though! All in all it was a great experience.
After that I started looking in stores for dresses on my own. My experiences ranged from horrible to bearable but nothing better than that, and I still hadn’t seen any dresses that I loved. Finally I convinced my Mom that we would have to go to a larger centre to look. So after Christmas, we went to Edmonton and finally found my dress in a store called Ethos in the West Edmonton Mall.
Once again, the sales staff completely ignored me, but by then I was sort of used to it. It was frustrating to be in a dressing room and hear them gushing over the smaller girls in the room next to me though. Meanwhile I was doing up the backs of the dresses I was trying on by myself. Regardless, I found a beautiful dress that flatters me in all the right places and I bought it. I am pretty sure that I “settled” but it is a perfectly nice dress and it will do the trick. As I said before, the dress was never my number one priority.
After I had officially made the purchase, my Mom and I sat down in the mall food court for a drink and I ended up bursting into tears because the whole process had been so stressful and I had been holding in all of those emotions for the previous two months. The pressure to order before I was ready, coupled with the treatment I had received in stores and the fact that I was not happy with the way I looked in any dress, just hit me all at once. I think I was also relieved that it was over with, and that I wouldn’t have to think about it for another couple of months.
Lessons to take from this story:
1) Go dress shopping EARLY! As early as possible! Give yourself lots of time to decide and to get comfortable with the whole process.
2) Wear nice underwear so that when you too are left standing practically naked in front of the whole store at least you won’t be ashamed of your panties.
3) Talk about how you are feeling with someone who will let you vent so that you don’t have to bawl uncontrollably in front of the Booster Juice.
Good luck! 
Related Posts
31 Responses to “Anything But The Perfect Dress Shopping Experience”
Ms Pumpkin: Thanks for sharing your story. I am also a size 18 & know exactly how you feel! So sorry you had to go through this with the bitchy sales people. I was also dreading this & so I decided to have my dress made. I found a dress I like in a magazine and the seamstress is doing a fantastic job. It fits perfectly & is not costing any more than I had budgeted for the dress… Wedding planning is A LOT more stressful than I would have ever thought. This was just not an area I wanted to deal with that in and I’m so glad I made the decision to have it made. It has been one of the best, least stressful experiences thus far. Glad you found a dress you like…you’re almost there!
Pumpkin, I’m a 22- yes. And trying on dresses SUCKED HARD. Thank goodness for that crinoline that was up to my boobs- I felt covered. I blogged about that a long time ago- it’s a little harder for us “fun-sized” gals, huh?
Glad you found a dress! THE dress? Maybe not. But if you feel good wearing it, that’s ALL that counts.
Thanks for posting about this, Miss Pumpkin! I had a really similar experience, even though I’m a smaller-sized girl. From what I saw, it was the people who had unlimited amounts of money to toss around, that got all the attention. Lil’ ol’ me, checking price tags and bypassing the expensive gowns, was pretty much left to myself. But that was OK–my mom came along and we took care of ourselves!
I’m a 16 and my favorite part was trying on dresses that weren’t even close to closing in the back. 
I love my dress but I don’t know what it *truly* looks like on me, because I had a 12 on in the store!
I am glad you vented to us and your mom…it’s good to get it all out. I bet you’ll feel like a million bucks come your wedding day.
Other plus-sizers: I learned that drop-waist, asymetric (side-gathered) and not uber clingy look good on shapely women. I had a good experience in the Seattle/Tacoma area, thank gosh.
Best wishes!
I had a similar experience ahead too. I made a point of telling the sales person that I was very uncmfortable ahead of time and made me feel as good as possible about being bigger!
Even though I’m a smaller girl, I still had a horrible time trying on dresses. Thank goodness for my sister though, because my attendant ignored me and my family and had the nasty habit of disappearing for a long time. I was also one of those brides who was checking price tags, which may have been a reason, because she paid a lot more attention to the other girl she was helping!
I’m smaller too but also hated the experience. Every dress seemed too young, naked or poofy for me. But I did finally get that “THE ONE” feeling, around the same time we mailed the invites, so not to worry, late shoppers.
There was a good string on this a few months back about what to bring, wearing tights/Spanx, etc. Should make you smile.
I ended up shopping alone, mostly because the one girl willing to go with me…uh…has a different aesthetic, let’s put it that way. I’m on the fence between “misses” and “women’s,” but that wasn’t nearly as big an issue as the fact that I would like sleeves!!! FMIL asserted that it couldn’t possibly be that hard to find dresses with sleeves, so I challenged her to grab any bridal magazine and start counting.
I worked in a dress fabric shop for 7 years so I can honestly tell you that you’re not alone in your need for decent, flattering gowns,non-mean saleswomen and dresses with sleeves that are not attached to sacks. It is so fascist and demoralising to expect people to part with hundreds of pounds/dollars for dresses that cannot even get around them, let alone making them settle for less than they had hoped for because a designer somewhere hasn’t the imagination to think beyond strapless a-lines…
My heart goes out to you and I hope you feel the story has a happy ending in finding a gown. I’m sorry your experience was so stressful, though. Not the princess day of adulation we all hope for. xx
I had the same experience as Miss Blueberry–I am a smaller-size girl, but wasn’t looking to spend oodles of money on my gown I was ignored in all but one of the places I went. The first place I went was fabulous and I would recommend it to anyone! (All you Dallas girls, visit Bridal Boutique in Lewisville–WONDERFUL customer service)
And, in the end, I bought my dress online! I got it from RK Bridal and saved over $400 off the snooty salon price! And my dress arrived quickly.
I am so sorry you had a horrible dress-buying experience. 
Miss Pumpkin -
I feel your pain! I’m a size 18 too and i hated the dress shopping part of the wedding planning. To make a long story short I found a fabulous bridesmaid dress in champagne. Its not the normal wedding dress but i’m not the normal bride. I love it and its all that matters.
I’m sorry we all had to have such crappy dress stories but its all done and now we can move on to much better things..
Sarah, did you find a dress? If not, maybe you could look at some of the cute lace jackets that they have now to go over dresses - something like the one that Keely Shaye Smith wore when she married Pierce Brosnan might work?
I made an appointment to try on gowns with the shop (Alfred Angelo at Willowbrook in Houston - I was coming in for the weekend to see my sister) and patted myself on the back for being such a genius! Ha. Ha. Even with my appointment there were two ladies on the floor, one who chatted with a bride who wore her dress for literally an HOUR while just standing there, and one who was running around helping everyone else (including my sister and me) while there were at least five ladies behind the counter not actually doing anything. My sister also noticed this and said something to me before I’d brought it up, so she wasn’t just agreeing with me.
Eventually, though, the lady managed to get me into my dress, helped me with different veils, and suggested a matching bridesmaid dress that we hadn’t even considered but wound up choosing.
I was very disappointed with the way I was treated, so I placed my order that week with Netbride. Even better - we saved tons of money (50% on my dress alone) and that was including tax, shipping and a garment bag! So maybe it was a good thing that I wasn’t treated well or I might have been guilted into buying the dresses at salon prices!
Wow, Miss Pumpkin. I’m really sorry to hear about your dress buying experiences. I used to be a plus-size, so I can relate. However, I’d like to add one thing to your list–remember that YOU are the customer. You are the reason for the sales staff to be there. Do not let them ignore you or treat you badly. Speak up. “Hello, I need some SERVICE here!” Don’t be rude, but be forceful and determined. If they continue to be rude to you, ask to speak to a manager. If it is the manager, walk out and tell people to avoid the store–that one is best if you’re a well-known blogger. The problem is, they expect plus-size or bigger brides to be shy and uncomfortable, so they don’t worry about you. Don’t let them get away with it.
And my experience with wedding dress shopping is that once you find THE DRESS, make sure that you get the best price. Don’t buy it then and there at the salon. Say “thank you, I’ll be back,” and go home and hit the Internet. Find other authorized retailers, call them and get their best prices. Then either call your original salon or go back and ask if they’ll meet or surpass that price. You never know. I got an amazing price on my gown that way, and I didn’t have to order it from one of the more dubious online sellers.
Did I just read my own story? I’m a bit bigger with a massive top portion and nothing fits in wedding dress stores.
I too wound up buying something that isn’t exactly the “I love it” dress (of course the dress I wanted that is posted on the designer’s website doesn’t really exist– I know, then why is it there?!?). My BM liked it and it’s pretty, so whatever.
The whole “fun” of trying to decide if a dress that can’t close in the back or fit the boobage in the front will look right when it’s the “right” size is horrifying. And to think, after getting a dress ordered by the boobage size, I’ll get to pay to have it taken in and shortened, etc. once it arrives!
Just once I’d like to go try something on in a size close to my own and my teeny tiny friends can have it bunched in the back!
i feel it is really hard to find the perfect dress…
i tried on so many gowns and tried for two days and yet cant find a good one
eevntually i feel it is best to wear something to suit ourselves, not the other way round
MJ - I’m with you - why not make them all big? I’m minus-sized but even my sister and I ran into problems when trying on the bm dress. One we really liked came in a 6 as the biggest size, but that’s a 6 in wedding talk - it’s probably closer to a 3 in street size! Honestly, how many people REALLY get to wear that dress? I see nothing wrong with keeping all dresses big so plus ladies can fit and minus ladies can fit with some clothespin help! There’s so much more to buying a dress than just how it looks - how it looks on you, how it makes you feel, how comfortable it is, how heavy it is to wear - that can’t be determined until you can actually put it on.
Maybe we should open a bridal salon that only stocks sizes 20 and above, and prides itself on personal, friendly service. That’ll teach the wedding industry!
I’m quite fond of the giant jumper cable clips they use to wedge me into the $$$$ sample dresses. Nothing so flattering as standing in the middle of the chic-chic store with a v of visible flesh from the back of my neck to the lace of my underwear. I might need some bedazzled for my wedding day.
Sexy, and gives me such an idea of how pretty I’ll feel.
Plus, there’s the benefit of pictures of me with the store lady behind me pulling edges closed with all her might.
Why can’t they just stock a slightly larger size. The average woman is a 12 - which would be a bridal 14-18 depending on the designer. Why stock 10s? It’s easy to crimp it smaller, it’s a torture chamber to wedge oneself into into a dress that’s supposed to ideally make you feel like the most beautiful bride ever.
I’m in for investing in that salon.
I’m also all for the plus size salon, I am so terrified to try on dresses and of course I love clothes so the dress is really important to me. I keep trying to find some way to not have to go through all this torture, but I don’t really want to buy it online and I don’t have enough time to lose the weight needed to fit into a good size, I feel your pain, I would be so upset if someone opened the door on me while I was undressed, I definitely would have cried right there. Best of luck to all the plus size brides still needing dresses, I hope you have better luck than some of the others.
Big hugs! I’m glad you made it through. Next time come to Weddingbee sooner for support!! More big hugs!!
My first shop carried the tiniest sizes, the largest of which was an 8! It was so awful being in there and the place was so tight and cramped. I actually found my perfect dress there but didn’t realize it looked good on me when I was actually a 12.
Buffy–yes, I loved the giant jumper cables, too. However, I have to say that the attendants at RK Bridal were *great* at making the gowns “fit.” But still, it was interesting trying to imagine what I would really look like in the gowns. Most salons had size 10, I’m a bridal 16. The shop where I actually bought my gown did have at least one sample in each size from my gown maker so I could try on gowns from that maker for size. It was wonderful to try on a gown and have it actually fit! I was tempted to buy that one just because it looked so beautiful, even though it wasn’t *my* gown. (Actually, I think it was Miss Kiwi’s gown–beautiful gown, Miss Kiwi!) Jasmine has sample gowns that supposedly fit everyone as they have different panels to fasten. I didn’t actually try any of those on, but it’s a huge step forward. I know that sample dresses cost a lot, but I think most salons would do better to have both a small size sample, and a larger size (16? 18?) in stock, so that a range of brides can at least get an idea.
Miss Pumpkin-
You just confirmed my worst fears. I haven’t looked for a dress yet, and now I really don’t want to go! I’m a 10/12 street size so I know the sample sizes won’t fit me, plus I’m really a private person, and I would pretty much rather walk down the aisle in my little black dress than have to face standing around strangers mostly naked. This phobia is almost enough for me to not want to get married at all!
I’m in the same boat as Courtney and Miss Blueberry - I got awful service since they knew I was looking for a simple (inexpensive) dress, and I wasn’t looking to buy 16 BM dresses there.
Julie, don’t worry - where I went, they had individual dressing rooms, and the attendant didn’t come help you until you had your crinoline on. In between my undies, strapless bra, and the crinoline, I was pretty well covered!
Oh, I am sorry Julie! I didn’t mean to scare you so much. I think that you can go in better prepared than I was and you will be okay. Do like Miss Strawberry and let the salesperson know that you are really nervous and uncomfortable with the process right at the get go and hopefully they will be a bit more sensitive to your needs. Also, ask if they need to help you put on the dress so that you will be prepared when they open the door to the changeroom. Ask them if they can come in, rather than you coming out before you are ready. Another tip is to go in on a Tuesday morning or some other slower traffic time so that if you are exposed somewhat there will be fewer people in the shop. Above all, listen to Pencils and don’t let them push you around or ignore you! Hopefully after reading this you will be able to avoid some of the things that happened to us and your experience will be a great one! Good luck!
Oh, for those of you wondering, I did get a dress with sleeves, about four months before David’s started that “we’ll put sleeves on any strapless dress” thing. I tried it on at an Alfred Angelo factory store at the bidding of the saleswoman, even though I really didn’t like how it looked online, and of course it was lovely. (style 1755, with the silver)
So then I went home and bought it on eBay for half price. It’s sitting in a box in the tub of the guest bathroom that we never use, so two months from now when I post I CAN’T FIND MY DRESS! you can all tell me it’s in the bathtub.
[...] about a month ago when I posted that my dress was on its way? And do you also remember when I blogged about my horrible dress shopping experience at the store where they wouldn’t let me take [...]
[...] wedding dress problems have been well documented on Weddingbee but I was fairly happy with how it all turned out [...]
I’m not a size 18 but I definatly had a similar experience with being ignored. And maybe I’m self centered but, aren’t the sales ladies supposed to be excited for you? I know that they see brides all the time but shouldn’t their job description include :project excitement for the bride” Both times I’ve looked at dresses the sales lady was completely uninterested. Hello! I’m looking at dresses that cost more than my entire wardrobe combined and they get a commision and I can’t get more than a ho hum congratulations?
i know this is an old post….but i just wanted to say my experience was sooo very similiar. we’re the same size and i was mortified and upset with my dress shopping experience.
i think i might have settled a little too. only in that i never had that carthartic moment so many brides mention. i found a dress that fit all the criteria i was looking for….i could see myself getting married in it. so i ordered it.
i just pray that it will be as beautiful as i envisioned. the sample was a size 10……
sigh…….
Mrs. Pumpkin, Saskatchewan, Canada
Blogger Since: April 10, 2007
Age and Occupation: 28, Lawyer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Farmer
Engagement Date: July 14, 2006
Wedding Date: June, 2007
About Me: I love movies, music and I am addicted to TV. When I have some spare time I also love scrapbooking and making personalized greeting cards and above all playing Hide & Seek or Duck, Duck, Goose with my two adorable nieces!
I like your lesson #2. I like to keep on wearing mine even if they have tiny holes in them or the lace is drooping. My motto: as long as no one else seems them, it’s all GOOD.