Wedding Blog

? - I think it’s kind of silly not to include that info in the invite, because it’s what everyone automatically wants to know. But needless to say, it’s conventionally considered rude because it screams: “buy us a gift!” We didn’t include registry info in our invites, but had to add a wedding website so that people could get that info. Kind of silly, but just what “etiquette demands.”

I cringed when we got an invite last week and two registry cards spilled out. I think there are more tactful ways to share where you are registered.

I also cringe when I get a wedding invitation with a registry card inside.

People had no trouble figuring out where we were registered for our wedding.

I feel that since monograms are very popular, people are starting to use their monogram’s with FI’s last name initial. I also see it on a lot of invitation samples I’ve been looking at.

I wasn’t aware that a honeymoon registry was such bad form that they’d ridicule it the way they did! I was planning on doing one. I know that some of the older generation guests will not like it and probably won’t use it, but we really won’t have any money at all for our honeymoon, it will be 100% paid with the line of credit so we thought it was a great idea. Especially since we already live together and have plates and kitchen utensils and glassware already! Is a honeymoon registry really considered rude?

I believe that when it comes down to your wedding guest list, the bride and groom picks those closest and dearest to their hearts. These guest should have enough interaction with the bride or groom to know their personality and that they’re not screaming “buy me presents” and that its just an FYI, and not think so much into a registry insert. If its such bad etiquette why were they created in the first place?

I totally agree with you, Mee!! We live inside our means now, and just because it’s a special day- we aren’t going into debt (as you can see in my landslide post- we’re trying!) no matter what.

As for why registry cards are created- advertising.

Mee!! Well put. I may broach etiquette occassionally but never anything major.

I certainly agree with Mee!!, but I think some traditions can be updated to fit the 21st century!

I wouldn’t enclose two separate inserts with bright yellow font saying where we’re registered, but a small card or short line somewhere saying: we’re registered at Macy’s and Crate & Barrel, shouldn’t be considered a huge breach of etiquette.

It would have been practical for us because: he’s from the midwest, I’m from CA. we’re getting married in LA, but we both live in different parts of Ohio. His family lives 2 hours away from the nearest macy’s and/or crate & barrel and many have never heard of either, so his mom has had to repeatedly tell them that we’re registered “up in Columbus,” spell the name of the store, and specify where exactly it is.

Also, many of our college friends have never been to the midwest and unfortunately can’t even begin to believe that we have stores like sur la table, williams-sonoma, etc.. so they’re constantly asking “where are you registered” followed by a “wow, you have that OUT THERE?” when we tell them?

I guess I just don’t think any of our guests would have been offended, if done the right way.

Someone who has the nerve to put “no boxed gifts” on their wedding invitation deserves to get a lot of cheap items in gift bags. You are inviting people to celebrate with you on your special day. You are not ordering your choice of gift. That’s why you don’t include registry information in your invitation.

We’re going to do a honeymoon registry. We live together now in a cramped New York apartment and have no room or desire for any home goods gifts. Initially, we did hesitate over making a honeymoon registry, but after talking about it with numerous people (including those in the “older” generations) everyone agreed that we should do it. We don’t “expect” gifts from anyone, so if anyone is offended then they don’t have to use it!

Thanks, Pencils. I was so confused, because I can think of many great things that come in boxes!! China, crystal, (puppies, as you mentioned!), pretty much any registered item, etc!

THat’s strange. Maybe it’s because I live in OK, but I’ve never heard of that “request” before!

There are mean etiquette things for second weddings, e.g., no wedding gifts can be expected if it’s the bride’s second time. How inconsiderate to this never-married-to-each-other-before couple, or in many cases the never-married groom!

Plus if decades have passed, how cheap/mean is it to ask the bride whether she still has the 8-track machine you bought them in 1977 or that $20 wedding check you gave her in 1989?

It’s sexist, too — if the groom has been married 17 times and it’s the bride’s first time, then gifts are expected. Huh?

If you know the bride or groom well and are happy for the couple (assuming there is not a series of biannual weddings) then show your love and support and send a gift or at least a meaningful card.

I agree that etiquette serves a function, but certain areas need to be updated.

For example, as the bride, I’m not supposed to be involved in the shower planning whatsoever. Given the mobility of today’s society and our busy lifestyles, this just isn’t practical! Our family and friends live all across the US.

I am not sure if this is really etiquette or not, but my mom said we shouldn’t register since we live together. We have some stuff, but it could definitely use upgrading.

i personally think a lot of the etiquette rules are impractical and a waste of time and money. this was of course after i tried to follow the etiquette rules myself with the invitations. these days, it’s not even a big deal anymore. those rules are so old, people should do what they think is right for practicality’s sake and use their own good judgment to decide what is tasteful.

Yeah, I’m sorry- my husband and I live in separate states. We are already married. We have plenty, if not too much, stuff. I absolutely did not expect/ask for any gifts, but have already recieved some… mostly gift cards I’ve no clue what to buy with yet. We don’t even share a residence (commuter-marriage, because of our jobs). We are having a ceremony next year, but what we most “need” is time together- I won’t put registry info in any invites, but, I think, but a modest honeymoon registry is untraditional, but no more or less tacky than registering for any other gift at any other “store.” Then again, I know someone who thinks registering for practical gifts, like tools and stepladders, is tacky… because no one wants to buy you a cordless drill, I guess, if they could have bought your crystal. I guess tacky is in the eyes of the beholder. I can see why the registry cards are controversial- etiquette demands pretending you live in a perfect and discreet world few of us actually occupy- but I refuse to believe there is anything wrong with helping pay for our honeymoon- if they don’t like it, they can always pick something else out that they think we’ll like (but don’t need), or not buy a gift- it’s not a requirement. On the other hand, if they wanted to buy something that would mean the world to us, helping pay for a trip somewhere together would be something we’ll remember and be grateful for for a lifetime.