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When we got engaged, I was given the most fabulous book for brides who think Emily Post is not their cup of tea. Of course, Emily Post is the cream of the crop when it comes to weddings. Very classy, right? Despite that, classy I am not. 
That’s why I LOVE this book: “Wedding Etiquette Hell: The Bride’s Bible to Avoiding Everlasting Damnation” by Jeanne Hamilton. It is hilarious and really helps you figure out the little wrongs and rights of your wedding planning, if you need it.
According to Publishers Weekly:
Rather than lecture couples about what they should do before, during and after the Big Day, consultant Hamilton (Bridezilla: True Stories from Etiquette Hell) warns them what not to do in this quick, easy guide to modern-day manners. Hamiliton runs through a list of nuptial no-nos, from invitations and bridal showers to receptions and the like. She provides pages of horror stories culled from www.etiquettehell.com, the Web site she started in 1997. Hamilton scoffs, for example, at the bride and groom who tried to solicit sponsors for their wedding in exchange for “signage at the reception venue.”
She shakes her head at the pair who took their registry “to a new low in greed” when they offered guests chances to pay for specific parts of their honeymoon in Hawaii-the airfare, the housing, the meals and activities. And she reprimands the couple audacious enough to send announcements a full year after the event, telling friends and relatives not invited to the wedding that they can “honor the union” with “contributions to the home purchasing fund.” Tacky and rude, these instances of extreme faux pas make for amusing reading.
Seriously, after receiving a wedding invitation the other day with not one, but TWO separate inserts with the registry information, I’ve just given up on that particular couple. 
Although I’d very much like to send them this book, it’s too late for them. But it’s not too late for others! I never thought I’d be such a maniac regarding invitations and registries, but some things you thought everyone knew. I mean really–having the back of your invitation printed with your already-married name on it? Who DOES that? Sure, following the rules of etiquette isn’t for everyone, but I for one am glad to know that my great aunt Mabel won’t have anything to talk about after receiving our invitation!
What irks you about wedding etiquette?
i dont get why it is wrong to have wedding registry inserts with your wedding invite?
? - I think it’s kind of silly not to include that info in the invite, because it’s what everyone automatically wants to know. But needless to say, it’s conventionally considered rude because it screams: “buy us a gift!” We didn’t include registry info in our invites, but had to add a wedding website so that people could get that info. Kind of silly, but just what “etiquette demands.”
yeah i’m with ?. they say they can’t be in the invite but to all the weddings i’ve been invited to there has been registry information. is it okay to have them on separate inserts? sometimes i just think ettiqute is just old-fashioned.
I cringed when we got an invite last week and two registry cards spilled out. I think there are more tactful ways to share where you are registered.
? - it’s like you’re asking for a gift along with asking them to be part of your special day. Registry info is really only appropriate for shower invites (you are “showering” the bride/couple with gifts) because that’s the purpose of those events. There are ways around it, though, by putting your wedding website address on your invitations and your registry info on the website.
As for what bugs me about etiquette - that it’s such a big deal! No two people are the same, so why try to force everyone to follow the same sets of guidelines? I admire the couple who got sponsors for their wedding, because with the expense of weddings these days it was a great way for them to offset some of the costs. Given the choice between going into a marriage in debt and letting someone pay for it for a little advertising in exchange, they made a very smart decision. Plus, what’s one or two more ads when the caterer, baker, dj, etc are also carrying business cards with them to hand out to anyone who might be interested? I guess it depends on the wedding itself though as to how appropriate it is. Having a five course meal at the Ritz may not lend itself to banner advertisements across the room, but a less formal family get-together type of reception would be just fine.
It’s your wedding, do what you want if it makes you happy. And kudos if it keeps you out of debt at the same time.
I also cringe when I get a wedding invitation with a registry card inside.
People had no trouble figuring out where we were registered for our wedding.
Hey guys! Like it’s been stated above, registry cards are considered ill form, because like Kandaceandjason stated above, it’s basically saying, come to our wedding and buy stuff from “Here”. People know to give gifts, but to receive TWO cards with bright lettering on them seemed a bit abrasive. Wedding gift registry is supposed to be passed around via word of mouth, so it makes your FAMILY (or friends)- not you- ask for gifts for you. 
Sure, tradition sucks sometimes, but I honestly think it makes a difference with some things. If you wanted money, would you put a card in the invite saying “This is our bank account, checks and wires are appreciated”?
I feel that since monograms are very popular, people are starting to use their monogram’s with FI’s last name initial. I also see it on a lot of invitation samples I’ve been looking at.
I got an invitation that didn’t have a registry, but it had a note that said “Please, no boxed gifts”
I think that is just as bad.
I wasn’t aware that a honeymoon registry was such bad form that they’d ridicule it the way they did! I was planning on doing one. I know that some of the older generation guests will not like it and probably won’t use it, but we really won’t have any money at all for our honeymoon, it will be 100% paid with the line of credit so we thought it was a great idea. Especially since we already live together and have plates and kitchen utensils and glassware already! Is a honeymoon registry really considered rude?
i think the sponsored weddings are the height of bad taste. you should have the type of wedding you can afford and not expect someone else to pay for it. after all, it’s the marriage that counts, not what your centerpieces looked like, or how expensive they were. in your every day life, you have to live on a budget, it should be exactly the same for your wedding. you drive a honda because you can’t afford a bmw, plan a 10k wedding because you can’t afford 30k. i think sponsored weddings are a classic example of how so many American’s fail to live within their means.
I believe that when it comes down to your wedding guest list, the bride and groom picks those closest and dearest to their hearts. These guest should have enough interaction with the bride or groom to know their personality and that they’re not screaming “buy me presents” and that its just an FYI, and not think so much into a registry insert. If its such bad etiquette why were they created in the first place?
mee!! very well said …
I totally agree with you, Mee!! We live inside our means now, and just because it’s a special day- we aren’t going into debt (as you can see in my landslide post- we’re trying!) no matter what.
As for why registry cards are created- advertising.
Someone wise once told me that manners (or etiquette, as the case may be) communicates to the other person that you respect them enough to make an extra effort. Be it standing when someone enters the room, pulling out chairs, holding doors, sending prompt thank you notes, etc. I could go on and on…clearly
Mee!! Well put. I may broach etiquette occassionally but never anything major.
?
The problem with saying you can do rude things with friends and family because “they know their personality” is where does it stop? How rude are you allowed to be with your “nearest and dearest”?
—
In any case, I just got a wedding invitation that had two registry info cards and an “and guest” on the envelope for my fiance! Apparently they couldn’t be bothered to remember his name. Considering the cost of getting to this wedding, I honestly thought about going without him given that.
I certainly agree with Mee!!, but I think some traditions can be updated to fit the 21st century!
I wouldn’t enclose two separate inserts with bright yellow font saying where we’re registered, but a small card or short line somewhere saying: we’re registered at Macy’s and Crate & Barrel, shouldn’t be considered a huge breach of etiquette.
It would have been practical for us because: he’s from the midwest, I’m from CA. we’re getting married in LA, but we both live in different parts of Ohio. His family lives 2 hours away from the nearest macy’s and/or crate & barrel and many have never heard of either, so his mom has had to repeatedly tell them that we’re registered “up in Columbus,” spell the name of the store, and specify where exactly it is.
Also, many of our college friends have never been to the midwest and unfortunately can’t even begin to believe that we have stores like sur la table, williams-sonoma, etc.. so they’re constantly asking “where are you registered” followed by a “wow, you have that OUT THERE?” when we tell them?
I guess I just don’t think any of our guests would have been offended, if done the right way.
I think the the thing about honeymoon registries is because it’s like demanding cash gifts from your guests-like the stock registries or the home purchase ones or whatever.
What bugs me is showers that are just giant gift grabs-I was invited to one recently. The bride is a sorority sister of my FI’s niece-Im not sure I’d even met her. I went for the heck of it. There were close to 200 people there,the invitation was *very* specific about what to buy,and on the whole,it was a zoo. I found out from my FI’s niece that only like 20 of the shower invitees were actually invited to the wedding-it was her *5th* shower. Gah.
Someone who has the nerve to put “no boxed gifts” on their wedding invitation deserves to get a lot of cheap items in gift bags. You are inviting people to celebrate with you on your special day. You are not ordering your choice of gift. That’s why you don’t include registry information in your invitation.
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA Engagement Date: March 31, 2006 Wedding Date: November 3, 2007 Venue: Radisson Hotel About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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