Weddingbee

We’re paying for it ourselves, and we expect it to be between 25K and 30K. We’re a little older than the national average (34 and 33), so that’s a big difference; also, between graduate assistantships and the Army’s College Loan Repayment Program, we don’t have the debt that many young couples are facing. I’ve also had two unexpected windfalls in the past ten years (a grandparent left me a startling amount of money, and I received a substantial insurance settlement after a small car accident), both of which I socked away. That’s hardly useful financial advice for anyone else, though, is it? “Get hit by a car.”

I know some friends that put some of the wedding costs on credit cards that didnt acrue interest for a year and just paid off the credit cards with money they received as wedding gifts. I wouldn’t pay for everything this way, but it does help to not have to pay for everything up front… but only if you know that your guest are the kind to give cash gifts.

I am very lucky that my dad is paying for the wedding. My FI and I covered the cost of the honeymoon. But I am doing my invites myself just because I cannot justify the amount it would cost otherwise. We did luck out and booked our reception locally so we got 50% off. Even though its not my money I still think I am spending wisely.

I’m 27 and my FI is 31 and our wedding budget is 60-65K. We’re paying for it on our own. Both FI and I have high earning professional careers. Our wedding budget represents our life savings.

I think our wedding budget is fueled by the images that I see in bridal magazines, the knot, etc. - what I like to call the ‘bridal industrial complex.’ I know that if these sources werent around I wouldnt care so much about the centerpieces, the dress, etc. I watch ‘Whose Wedding Is It Anyway’ and envy those girls with $80K+ weddings and berate myself that I’m not more successful professionally.

My advice if you’re feeling overwhelmed is to step back and stop buying magazines, watching shows, reading WeddingBee (sorry Mrs. Bee!). Also, never go into debt to purchase anything wedding related.

I have to second what Kim said actually - if you’re feeling a lot of pressure to have the “perfect” wedding and the “perfect” dress and “perfect” centrepieces etc, stop reading bridal magazines and watching wedding shows. I love to read/watch these things, but I have to admit that when I first got engaged and hadn’t read any of that stuff, my initial thoughts involved:

-iPod for music
-DIY wedding day makeup
-I didn’t care about the reception venue, I just wanted an outdoor ceremony
-I thought save-the-dates were a waste of money unless you were having a destination wedding
-I wanted as few decorations as possible because they only last for a few hours and I just wanted to have fun

I now have to actively keep reminding myself of those initial priorities because I keep seeing these really cool (but expensive) ideas that I love once I’ve seen photos of the final product, and all of a sudden these things I didn’t care about seem really important to me.

I WOULDN’T say stop reading Weddingbee though, because you gals post lots of $$$-saving ideas and DIY instructions!!

In answer to your question though, my parents are paying the majority of the bill, my dad’s been saving for it since I was born and has a really well-paying career. My grandmother unexpectedly sent a cheque for $2500 when she heard of our engagement, which helped, and my fiance and I are chipping in for a few items such as wedding rings, bridal jewelry/accessories, groom accessories, bridal party gifts, parent gifts, favours, and we’re paying for our own honeymoon.

Like Sarah, we are a little older than the average young couple getting married, so we’ve been out in the workforce a lot longer and we were able to pay for it ourselves without going into debt. No matter what age, we would not have gone into debt for our wedding. We would have adjusted accordingly…a more modest, smaller wedding/reception or eloped and then had a kick-ass party. Remember, there are no set rules of what you have to do, just make it meaningful. And since you’re paying for it yourselves, you two get to call all the shots. That can be very liberating. It’s so much better to start off a life together without carrying more debt than necessary (a mortgage being the great exception). Good luck, farmgal.

My FI and I are fairly young…26/27 and we are paying for our own wedding. We currently have budgeted 35K for the wedding and lucky for me, he has planned for the future when we met 5 years ago…I was too busy trying to run from my parents and decided to become a rent paying idiot by moving out…so there goes my paycheck. It’s not easy, but we are managing by pulling in the OT, not using our bonuses and saving our tax refunds. All this and we are going to buy our first home prior to the big day. Things work out in the end and there are definitely areas that can be trimmed and cut some more to make it work. It’s not easy, but you’re in plenty of good company when it comes to financing the wedding between just the bride and groom.

Laura S - your grandmother’s generosity would cover almost our entire catering bill - and that’s for an estimated 130 person guest list!

jmnz - way to be a bargain hunter!

I definitely think it’s in the mindframe of the couple. My FH are paying for mostly everything (my mom is paying for dress/alterations and FH’s parents are paying for rehearsal dinner). We manage through waiting for bargains, using coupons and applying for credit cards with a 0% interest rate (when the period is up, like if it was a 6 month offer, we just transfer the balance to a new 0% card.) We weigh the options with every purchase: do we want it enough to justify not only the expense, but putting it on our credit card? It’s good that we agree when it comes to finances that we don’t mind going into a little debt for the things we really want.

Here’s the best part - we both graduated college in December and I STILL haven’t found a job (I graduated summa cum laude for crying out loud!) So we are working off of FH’s weekly paycheck and my ability not to spend money during the day when I’m job hunting. (Shameless plug: if anyone in the DFW area wants to hire me, PLEASE let me know!)

SKK we are in the exact same boat. Me and FI are 2 years out of college, our engagement has been long (over 2 years) and we are paying for 95% ourselves. I am in the finance industry and FI is a teacher so we are living ok and socking away as much as possible. I put my entire bonus towards the wedding and both our refunds. We havee been strictly saving for a year an will be able to fund our roughly $25k wedding (200 guests) and honeymoon.

We have worked really hard at not spening money on things other than the wedding (i.e. random shopping, eating out, happy our, etc.)

We’re older than most of you, we’re both 40. This is my fiance’s second marriage, my first. We would have never gone into debt for this wedding. We decided that we would spend $10K on it, no more, not including the honeymoon. We’re considering the honeymoon to be our vacation this year, and it’s our first real, long vacation together. Previously, the most we’ve taken are four or five day trips to Block Island, Florida, and Chicago (we’ve been together a bit over two years.) Anyway, we had the money for the wedding, and probably the money for the honeymoon, and we talked about buying a house but knew it would be a few years. Then my fiance unexpectedly inherited some money. We haven’t increased our budget at all, and we’re still watching expenses carefully, but I’m not squeezing *every* penny until it screams, which I would have if this were still just our savings. We’ll have our wedding, our eight days at Sandals, and still be able to buy a house later this year (on Long Island, where houses are expensive.) The sad part is that I’d rather not have inherited the money, I’d much rather that the person were still here, but I have to admit that it’s made wedding planning easier. I’m still wearing my $750 gown, still doing my own flowers and lots of other DIY, but I did hire hair and makeup professionals when I had thought to save on those items.

I personally think it’s very foolish to go into debt for a wedding. It’s just one day, and people rarely remember the decor or flowers unless they were Preston Bailey spectacular. What people remember is if the food was good, if they had fun, and how much in love the couple looked. We’ve got the good food, I hope it’s going to be fun, and we’re definitely in love!

I estimated my wedding to be around 50K but we realized it’ll be closer to 80K, and that’s expecting 150 guests (we think there’ll be more). Our parents are helping us with 30K. We have good paying jobs, but have student loans and credit card debt, and ridiculous manhattan rent bills. I’m expecting a nice bonus next month from my firm for working on a case that ended up in a successful settlement. But it seems like we still need around 25K. We’re thinking about taking out a personal loan.

Anyway, watich your budget. I think reading all those bridal magazines and changing my expectations definitely screwed me up. But I think it’ll be worth it in the end. This will only happen once in a lifetime, because even if you remarry it won’t be the same.

Good luck!

actually what has been done is normal across the globe…

some couples have the luxury of their parents’ contribution…

as for me, im still trying to save hard…we spent about S$30,000….about US$20,000

now, we want to have children, but it is also costly plus we don’ have much savings left

in fact, after planning wedding, it is another start..and it brings the couple into deeper financial state

my parents were generous enough to offer us 20K for our wedding which became our budget and I have been working with that very strictly. this budget includes the basics — reception, flowers, photographer, gown, etc and also includes the weekend stay at the b&b for four rooms which is $1,600 or so.

our additional expenses (wedding rings, FI’s custom suit, gifts for bridal party & parents and our honeymoon) come to another 8K or so and FI and I are paying for this ourselves with savings and tax returns etc. like previous comments. and FIL’s gave us 2K for the rehearsal dinner and implied if there is anything left over that was our wedding gift.

the biggest ticket items for us were the reception, photographer and my wedding gown, in that order. it’s amazing how quickly things add up. Here are my three biggest tips to stay within your budget (no matter what that is):

1) choose your priorities in the beginning (for me it was the photographer, my dress and the quality of the food at the reception in that order) and then let other things slide.

2) when you create your budget get a general idea of what the industry demands in your area so you aren’t thinking something crazy like “ok, table service reception for 200 = $3000.”

3) factor all the extras into your budget — tax, tips, alterations, and the little things you might not budget for — a bra for your dress, shoes, etc. this becomes a huge chunk of what you actually spend. keep track of EVERYTHING and you’ll be more likely to stay within the budget you set to begin with.

I am in the same boat in that the FI and I are financing our own wedding. Neither of us wants to dip into our current savings to have the wedding. We’d rather use that money for our home. Instead, we’ve agreed on a long engagement to save money, cut down on our spending and prioritized certain (minor) debts that need to be paid off. Little by little we are making our way to our 30K goal. Some of these things we will put on credit cards - to secure services and cancel payments for unsatisfactory services/ non-delivery of agreed upon services etc.

I love the term “bridal industrial complex”. I went to a loved ones wedding recently and, you know what? Nobody noticed the centerpieces, the guestbook or the invitations. Many favors were left on the tables at the end of the night. Because, ultimately those things aren’t important. We had a blast because of good food, good drinks, good music and good people. Prioritize what is most important to you and put your money into that.

Of course, I snatched up all the leftover favors for her. Those little jars of honey cost at least $1 a piece!

I am kind of with Daffodil- except I didn’t want a reception at all, until after my wedding! The JOP affair was kind of wonderful and us and produced some cute cell phone pics to send our families, but, it also kind of convinced me we, and our families, also need a ceremony, or at least an event, to bring us all together. He’s also military, and I also want to give him a way to see his loved ones (2,000 miles away) before his next deployment. So, there’s an oceanside touristy area near my home (a few hours from his) with a nice walking district and a good variety of accomodations (B&B’s, mid-budget motels)- so if we can catch it early, before the tourist season kicks off, I think our total budget will probably be about $10K. Part of that is going to be “special” things that aren’t normally part of a wedding budget, like transportation and suites for out of town guests (childhood/college friends) who won’t be able to afford to go if they can’t crash somewhere, and a shuttle for those who overimbibe so they can get back to the hotels. The venue is free except for the tent (picnic area, already has tables- we’ll cover them with paper tablecloths and use paper plates and plasticware), he’ll wear his uniform, my dress will be off the rack (and probably rewearable), makeup DIY, hair, one attendant each… I might splurge on my hair. And I will DIY just about everything, because my “theme” is decopage ala Terry Gilliam, sort of a bohemian neo-Victorian picnic by the ocean. We are going to splurge on some things (tent, dance floor) and budget others (borrowed sound system, prerecorded CD’s). I am also hoping to get some good deals on a few special things (cotton candy maker- ) by renting the equipment from the military.

Our wedding is approx. $40K for 90 people in Los Angeles. We’re able to pay for it because Mr. Pearl has a good job and makes a very good salary. I’m a teacher, so…yeah We save a significant chunk of our income each month to pay for our wedding expenses. We also have a separate house fund that we’re not dipping into for the wedding so we don’t ruin our progress on that front.

Honestly, unless you’ve got insane, professional entertainer/athlete kind of money, I think most women have thoughts at some point of the planning process that they wished they had more money…even if their budgets are bigger than average. I know I do! Just say no to the bridal crack (magazines) because you can plan a beautiful, classy affair without the insecurity that can come with comparing yourself and your situation to a magazine!

I’m blessed with generous parents. They are paying for 95% of the wedding. FI’s parents are paying for what they could-the invites and the RD beverages. FI and I are paying for very little here and there, where we can (like my attire elements).

I know what you are going through. Like you, I don’t have a parent that could give an extra financial help. And my FI and I are not asking our his parents to help either eventhough they offered.

I did a lot of DIY. We research very well all the venues services and what is included. I was glad that a bed and breakfast at about 50 miles from our town has an all inclusive package deal. We cut our guest list also. We bought our house the day we knew we want to get married. We save very religiously almost every paycheck for 3 years to have a 15k budget. We would like to keep the cost much lower than the set/save budget. It is hard but it is a challenge I like to do my self.

We also inlist our guest to pitch in by helping out in decoration and also, other stuff that their talent can be useful. I find that many of my closest friends did not mind lending a hand at all, infact they are more willing and happy to do it.

Hi Farmgal! I concur with the rest of the bee-readers: Stay away from wedding magazines! They totally skew your perspective!

FH and I are both fairly young. He’s 24 and I’m 28, so our incomes are not extravagant. Our wedding budget is about $58K, BUT that’s for TWO receptions (one western and one Chinese) with a guest count of 160 for the 1st reception and 300 for the 2nd, so a total of 460 guests (!!!!!!!). We’re lucky in that we’re getting $45K worth of help from our parents (because it’s mostly their guestlist anyway). I’m saving my bonus money and my tax refund for the wedding and it’s helping out a little. We’re also lucky in that we both don’t own a home yet, so less expense for us there.

Unfortunately I’ve learned that one of the quickest ways to save $$ is to cut the guestlist which I’ve had to do.

But I shave off costs here and there like I’m thinking about ordering sheet cake with no display cake (or a small one that’s two tiers max). Ebay has a whole slew of wedding dresses. If I were to do things over again, I’d buy my dress from ebay after trying on gowns at stores. I paid an arm and a leg for mine at a boutique and I’m regretting it because I would’ve been just as happy with a less expensive dress. Also, instead of an open bar, the 2nd reception venue will waive our corkage fee with so we can bring in our own wine for less.

I researched DIY online. But DIY takes a lot of time! Often, it’s not as cheap as it seems because it takes a few trials before getting things right. And nice materials and paper can get expensive.

Enter all the contests you can! You might win a free honeymoon in exchange for a 500 word excerpt on your engagement.

My friends have often told me that they don’t remember anything from weddings. Only the moments that made them laugh and cry. I’ve decided to switch my focus from reception to ceremony because it’s the most important part of the wedding. I know I always remember weddings that make me cry… not weddings where the cake was pretty.

In the end, I think I just have to put everything into perspective once in a while and remember that if I put everything I have and everything I am into this one 8-hour day (well, two for me since I have to plan TWO receptions), I’m going to be one depressed girl when it’s over.

Well. I am fortunate in that my parents are footing the entire bill. Despite that fact, I have worked very hard nontheless to make it a cost effective event because even if my parents would be happy to give me everything and the kitchen sink, I just don’t think it’s necessary. I am estimating my wedding will run below 20k. But I am also getting married in Delaware. And prices for things there are simply not as high as they are in NYC or even where I currently live in MD. So I suppose, location is one big cost saving point for us.

That having been said. Most of our friends who have paid for their own weddings went into debt to do it. Using either home equity loans or credit cards.

I can’t say that I feel this is the way to go. Although all of their weddings were lovely and all felt it was worth it to do that.

It’s easy for me to say because my parents are paying for mine… but I know, if we had to pay for our own wedding. It would have been in Vegas, with a couple of friends and maybe a nice party when we came back with our family and friends. Quite frankly it’s what we really wanted to do. The wedding is more for my parents ;). So I’ve been calling it their party.

But I will say one of the best weddings I have ever been to, took place in a fire hall. For $500 the bride and groom invited all their friends and family to come. Each person brought a dish of their specialty and the groom’s family had a grill for burgers and other grilled meats… and it was the most intimate heartfelt sincere gathering of people I’ve ever had the pleasure of spending the day with.

We’re 26/27, still in school and just starting out in the working force not too long. We’ve always been clear about our goals, so we bought a starter home first which has far more benefits long term than an extravagant wedding. It “saved” us in terms of living expenses and curbed our (my) “appetite” for wanting all the things I see in magazines. Our budget is 25K and got bumped up to 30K. We were engaged 2 years in order to save for wedding. The key is to keep the guest list and reception cost under control. It’s hard to try to cut corners else where later on.

I’m 20 and still have one year left of college. My fiance is 26 and just recently got a “real” job. Our wedding budget is ~$5k. We are paying for about half of that ourselves. We aren’t going into debt at all for our wedding. We are cutting back on things like eating/going out and cable. By cutting back, it will allow us to save money for the wedding, our future and pay of the very little debt we have.

As a newly engaged, I’m struggling with this now. My parents want a lot of relatives involved (it’s one of those situations where you invite all or none) so they will be covering those people’s portions. But I almost feel like we should keep it small (100 pl, which cuts the count in half) and use their money towards the cost anyway. If we put our gift money to the wedding, then I think we can pull this off w/ paying out of pocket $6K, which is under the $10K I planned to spend. But that means all our wedding gifts will go directly to pay for the reception/wedding.

We really want a nice atmosphere at the wedding, and are still choosing our venue hall. What little that isn’t booked up for 2008 (damn new england in the summer!) is going to cost between $7K for low-end, and $13K for our favorite place. I think we’ll end up in the middle, paying $10K for the venue, figuring 200 guests. It’s pretty overwhelming.

Credit card points are great (assuming you are paying the cc bill in full each month). Figure out early what you and FI need free most (airline miles, hotel points, car rentals; cash back cards tend to provide a small check, whereas points offer a higher value) and then you have something free for the wedding just b/c you funneled all expenses through the credit card. Also revive your frequent flyer accounts (stinks that there is one per airline) and see if you have enough points for free airfare anyplace for the honeymoon. Booking online often doubles points so read fine print.

I don’t mean to be judgemental, but to those of you who have $40-$50k budgets and are still wishing they had more, or are saying the bridal magazines make it so hard - I’m pretty sure those magazines are written for people like you! I realize costs can vary a lot, but having two receptions, etc. is a luxury in itself. I know there are difficulties planning any wedding, but to those of you with high budgets, you have a huge load off your back that some of us have no choice but to carry. My reality is waiting weeks to order invitations by saving $50 out of each paycheck, etc. I think the biggest difference is when you have a huge budget like that, you can see something that you like and book it or buy it, as opposed to people in my situation, where you see something (even basic things) and have to be like “We’ll let you know” and then hope you can come up with the money before the thing is even available anymore.

our budget was planned for $10,000 and 150 guests. we’ve got 8 months to go and are currently on budget. i splurged on our venue (our ceremony and reception venue(s) are the same place). i’ve either gone with a lower end option for everything else except when i’ve DIY. (STDs, invites, favors, etc)

my parents gave us $90K and he and I both put in a few grand above that, plus he’s paying for the hotels for the honeymoon. His parents gave us some $ to cover a cake and the rehearsal….