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miss melodious, I got a corset to wear under my gown…it is amazing. really pulls in the waist and gives a wonderful shape I got mine here: http://www.lovefifi.com
Cherry Blossom - Technically a gift should never be expected, but yes, you still bring a gift to the wedding reception.
sdbride - Range is the key. If you have a bunch of 100-200 dollar items and a sofa, that may look odd. I think it’s growing increasingly acceptable to put a big ticket item on the registry as completion programs are promoted. Anyway, if it were my crowd, I would need to add some 20-100 dollar range items. For the record, we put a bed on ours at PB.
mj0901 - Never heard of it and as a youngin’ who is saving for her own home, I don’t know how I’d feel about this. Help us buy our home…when we should technically be set in order to buy one? I think that you should consider cash gifts as a mortgage gift and call it a day. In fact, if I got a thank you that said, “thank you for your kid gift that we’ll put toward our new home”–beautiful. 
Nicole - Visit my blog by clicking on my name, and click on advice in the tags. I posted recently about steps after getting engaged. Quite honestly, I didn’t use a planner. I started with the budget and venue, then the guestlist. Those are the big three, I’d say. The Knot has a checklist, too, that I haven’t used but some find useful. I am a fan if nothing else, of Marth Stewart’s or Karen Bussen’s planners (I own both).
C - You are NOT going to etiquette hell. Too often brides get caught up in the knot and weddingbee where ideas and “traditional etiquette” are not within their means. So many things are regionally accepted, or accepted more in one family versus another! Paper is such a small part of a wedding and like you said, probably no one in your family–where it matters–cares or thought twice. I would worry more about being a great host to your guests than what a bunch of anonymous faces on a website think.
As long as you are a gracious bride the day-of, I think you’ve done your best. Smile a lot, send thank you’s, be extra attentive to your guests and spread the word you don’t think gifts are necessary beforehand–don’t print it in invites.
Laura - I’d give her a gift as she’ll have done just as much if not more than a bridesmaid or groomsman would.
C - honestly, I think you’re going to be ok. If your announcement was phrased as such, then ther’es nothing wrong with that at all. Announcements were quite common at one time but have fallen out of fashion recently. if someone really wants to gripe about the quality of paper, then let them. It’s your wedding and you’re sticking to your budget, it’s not like some people got gorgeous cardstock and others got typing paper…. I think you’ll be ok.
Cherry Blossom - they are two seperate events, both of which are normally ones that you would gift at. Of course, it is up to you if you’d like to give a gift or not, but I have always gotten both shower and wedding gifts for those that I have been invited to.
Miss Melodious - I got mine from Bra Tenders in NYC, they have an online store, and it may be worth a call to them to see what they recommend, they were amazing. I’m wearing a bustier, really sucks it all in and gives great support (I’m an F cup) while still having a smooth line without ties as in a corset (my dress would show them)
1. it’s “expected” you’ll bring a gift for both events.
3. it depends on the age of your guests and what your family usually spends on gifts. i would register for more lesser priced items. I’m 24, and $50 is what I plan on spending on gifts for my friend’s weddings. I’d be a little offended if I looked at their registry and it was all $100 and up. I’d skip registering for the couch unless you think you have relatives looking for something like that to buy you.
4. Don’t put many items on a registry. Spread the word you’d prefer cash. Or register at BB&B and return everything. I wouldn’t set up a registry specifically asking for money… but that doesn’t mean that someone else hasn’t done it.
5. Great idea! gift certificate or bottle of wine + nice thankyou card.
7. Try to get a good list of things you need to do. Try to ignore the advice unless a specific question comes up, then go on a hunt for an answer. A lot of the advice out there is just common sense stuff anyway.
c - good news: you’re not going to hell. lol. you could follow emily post’s words of advice to the tee and still offend someone. i just feel like you stress yourself out more than necessary when trying to perfectly follow the rules. don’t worry about paper costs or anything and just go with what you like best and that would represent you two. i honestly don’t look at the invites for more than they are…information that’ll eventually eventually end up in the trash [very harsh i know but true - i've only kept really close friends' invites]. so just breathe, relax, and just plan with no worries about what anyone else will think; just worry about the stuff you can control. good luck!
cherry blossom - i’ve always seen the reception gift drop-off as a last chance to bring your gift. if i know the bride really well, i’ll buy a personal, smaller gift for the shower and then pick something from the registry for the couple but that’s always sent directly to the couple. otherwise, i’d just bring a registry gift to the shower and be done. i may get shot down by others but i just don’t see the point in buying two registry gifts for the same occasion.
laura - a thank you gift would be a great thing. what kinds of things is she interested in? if she is of the note/letter writing ilk, a nice stationary set would be a great idea and so forth. think of her interests and tailor a gift towards that.
Imj0901- dont think you can have a mortgage registry without being tacky, honestly. People have their own mortgages to worry about. I too have been in a longterm relationship and do not need a lot of the typical household items you register for, but i still need fine china and silver and crystal the 3 main presents that in my opinion wedding brings to mind, not a mortgage calculator. That said, in my opinion giving cash to the bride and groom at a wedding is like saying “i did not care to think about what you would like” but i know on my DH side of the family (italian’s) cash in envelopes at the wedding is standard (as at chinese weddings). I guess you just have to go with the flow; what some people think is bad manners others would not even blanche at.
Nicole–I plopped myself down in the wedding aisle of the local library and flipped through everything. You can fairly quickly see if a book just plain ol’ isn’t going to apply to you. I checked out six or seven, and only ever used one: Weddings for Grown-Ups. In fact, I renewed the book so many times (and wanted so badly to write in the margins) that I ended up buying my own copy–from Amazon marketplace, for a penny.
cherry blossom- I’d either bring one grand gift to the shower or two not-so-grand gifts to both the shower and reception.
sdbride- I’d go ahead and register for that sofa! If anything, you can use the completion program to buy it at a discount after the wedding, right 
mj0901- I’ve heard of mortgage registries. I think it’s like a bank account that your guests deposit $$ into that goes directly towards your down payment and the bank will send you notices whenever there’s a new deposit, much like a traditional store registry. I’m not sure which banks offer it, but google it and I’m sure you’ll find loads of info.
1. Cherry Blossom - in my community, you give one gift, and that’s that. As a bride-to-be, I am just so grateful for anything that anyone gives me, and I feel like it’s greedy to ask people to shell out for the shower if they’re expected to bring a gift to the wedding as well. I say that if you are in a community that doesn’t have an established way of doing things, you set the trend, and set the trend for simplicity.
3. sdbride - Register for it, and if anyone asks, tell them that you’re planning to buy it with the completion discount. But also, like it’s been said, you may want to consider registering for some lower-dollar items as well. The gifts I’ve been getting are mostly in the $30-50 range.
4. Nicole - I found “Cheap Ways to Tie the Knot” to be moderately helpful. I also met with a lady at my church who has been mother of the bride three times and with friends who have gotten married in the past couple years. I found talking to real people to be VERY helpful, especially because they already knew the issues particular to my community.
Hope this helps!
~Q
sdbride,
Yes, you should register from the sofa, because there will be folks who will give you gift cards toward it…and also because you can use the completion 10% discount to purchase later if you still want it. We just got an amoire in this manner, but it was our only big ticket item…the rest was a wide range of low to medium prices.
Thanks for the help re: the sofa. No worrying about lower amount gifts; my original question was edited to make it mean something different re: the $ range on the registry. I said my other big ticket items are only around 200, with the average gift price around 100 (but there’s lots of things under 100; under 50 too).
nicole - i felt the same way when i got engaged. i got a couple of wedding planners as gifts but found myself more online on the knot, and of course right here i found that when it came time to organizing myself, nothing beat a good old accordion binder/folder and a notebook that i took w/ me on every appt. it holds all my magazine clippings, contracts, notes, etc. my biggest complaint w/ all the planners was not having enough space to put the contracts, etc. i wanted to keep everything in one place.
maybe i’m just old school. good luck!
I probably am! I guess I assumed people would simply understand we and our families wanted to share our happiness with people we thought would care. But after reading pages and pages of people complaining they believe they only received an announcement or an invite- or even an email or a christmas card- because they suspect the sender just wanted a gift (or people like the woman who tossed an invite straight in the trash because she thought it was ludicrous to recieve an invite from a long-term couple’s son to see his parents marry) … people snickering about naming mishaps or forgotten significant others in cases where the bride to be was probably doing the best she could from some scrawled chickenscratch her future mother in law gave her… it’s enough to make me paranoid! Mostly, though, there’s this whole 50% of our mailing list / potential future guest list I don’t want to offend before I even get a chance to meet them. Honestly, I can’t believe how many noses seem to be out there, poised to sniff at hopeless brides and their “cheap” papers and “cut-rate” receptions supposedly designed to engineer gifts from wealthier relations! So much for celebrating LOVE… apparently, anything less than $150 a head for every man, woman, and child who sets foot into the reception venue = “gift grab” in some people’s minds. I guess I though it was normal that the occassion of the biggest celebration you’ll ever host in your adult life inspired you to look up a few friends you’d started to lose touch with after college, or what have you… it’s not going to stop me, but it does make me hesitate a bit before dropping those cards in the mailbox :-/
Hi! I am looking for a very very comfortable(and affordable) clip-on long dangling earring for my wedding. I am wearing a buttercup yellow lace Badgley mischka bridesmaid dress(it was so pretty and so affordable) that was featured here before.
Hi! I am looking for very unique readings for my destination & civil ceremony. We’d like our brother & sister to read this after we exchange our vows. Everything I’ve read in books sound like stuff I’ve heard in movies..
Thanks,
Cherry Blossom–I’ve never been to a shower and wedding where I didn’t get a gift for each event. I’ve never heard of anyone not giving a gift at each event. If you’ve already purchased one gift from the registry and can’t afford another one, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a nice card and a small gift for the wedding itself. Like was said above, they are two different events.
MJ–I’ve heard of mortgage registries. On one hand I think it’s tacky to register for money, but if people give you cash and you put it toward the mortgage what’s the difference, really? The only etiquette I could think of regarding one would be that as with all registries it does NOT get mentioned on your invitation, and that includes not slipping in those oh-so-convenient cards some registries give you. Spread the word through your bridesmaids, etc, that you’ve registered at such-and-such mortgage website. If people want to contribute to that for their gift, then you’re all set!
Ack–clarifying; by “get” in the first sentence I meant “give” or “purchase for the bride/groom.”
As to newly married couples being in a position where they are able to afford mortgages…that’s definitely not always the case.
If mortgage registries are tacky, so are honeymoon registeries, etc. and everything that’s not traditional.
People aren’t stupid - they know that any cash they give will most likely go to some big ticket item. Having a mortgage registry is not tacky in itself. Not all of us have $50,000 in savings in addition to everything we are putting into the wedding. I guess it depends on your clientele. There is definitely something to be said for etiquette, but there is also a hell of a lot to say for being real. The reality is, newly married couples are often in the market for possibly buying a home, and any help with it should not be considered anything less than a thoughtful gift toward something meaningful for the couple, and I can’t think of anything much more meaningful than a couple’s first home.
What does the wedding planner typically do when everyone’s eating dinner? I of course want to serve her a regular dinner, but I’m not sure when the planners typically eat and if everyone just sets out a regular place setting for the planner at a table.
I am getting 300 pictures (loose) from my photographer and am in need of a nice album. I don’t want to pay an arm and a leg, but I want an album that doesn’t have plastic sleeves. Any suggestions?
Miss Melodious– I always recommend Nordstrom’s lingerie department for all those items. They are trained to outfit you *correctly* (unlike Victoria’s Secret). In my experience, they have really taken the time to understand what I am looking for and make sure that I am happy with what is chosen to fit my needs. Their prices are not unreasonable either. Good luck!
sdbride, i put a sofa and desk on my registry at cb. i dont expect anyone to buy it, but it’s there for completion discount purposes.
mj - we just closed on a house, and they will ask if any of the $$ towards your down payment was a gift or a loan. some of the places just mark it down, i’m not sure if others charge a fee or if it affects your chance of an approval. at any rate you have to provide justification for any large deposits. the place might also charge guests a fee - i know that most honeymoon registries charge a surcharge.
Hi,
I hope I can get some advice. I am THREE- count ‘em, three weeks away from my wedding (as some others may be) and I have no idea what song to walk down the aisle too. I’m looking for more of a song with meaning(duh me - with words!) rather than an instrumental, but at this point, I’ll take what someone throws my way - and consider it. I’m not really looking for classical as my wedding is outdoors and organ musi(or other beautiful church music) just won’t go (although, it is beautiful!). Anyone have ADVICE for someone losing it THREE weeks before the wedding? Thanks!
i have a question for the hive please! is it okay to send bridal shower invites for 2 people at the same address in one envelope [i.e. sammy and karen at such and such street]? i know for a wedding you’d just send a separate invite for each person but with this being a lot more casual would that be okay?
Hi,
I hope I can get some advice. I am THREE- count ‘em, three weeks away from my wedding (as some others may be) and I have no idea what song to walk down the aisle too. I’m looking for more of a song with meaning(duh me - with words!) rather than an instrumental, but at this point, I’ll take what someone throws my way - and consider it. I’m not really looking for classical as my wedding is outdoors and organ music(or other beautiful church music) just won’t go (although, it is beautiful!). Anyone have ADVICE for someone losing it THREE weeks before the wedding? Thanks!
tips for tailor-made wedding gowns?
since i live in bangkok (although i’m getting married back home in the states) i’d be a fool not to get my dress custom made. a good friend of mine, who has excellent taste and very high standards (to put it mildly!) is getting married in a few weeks and has given me the name of the dress maker she is using. she says she went in and discussed some options, and the woman made some sketches and then … poof… it was perfect and she was happy. i feel like i need to be more prepared! i’m putting together pictures of a handful of dresses i really like, and i know the fabrics i want (sort of), but is there anything else i need to think about beforehand?
thanks bees!
Suzy,
I would try to go to a wedding shop beforehand and try on dresses to figure out what sort of wedding dress shapes look best on you.
Margaret-
There are some nice albums at http://www.kolo.com They’re prices range from $25 to $80
Susan-
How about something like this: http://redotdesigns.com/category39_42/product86/product_info.html
All of the earrings on my website can be ordered in french screw-backs that are very comfy because you decide how tight to screw them on!
Nicole: I am at about the same point as you are, or was not that long ago. I got the Instant Wedding Planner (it’s focused on how to plan a wedding in 6 months or less, which I am not doing, but the book tends to prioritize things in a way that you can easily understand what can be skipped or minimized. It also has planning charts for both you and FI to fill out to see what is important to each of you.) I also use theknot, search blogs for lists and have compiled them all into my own personal to-do list. I carry a notebook with a sticker I created that says “Wedding Planner” it has a couple of pockets in it, fits in my purse and goes everywhere with me. That way if I see something or have an brilliant idea, I don’t forget! G’luck!
Nicole: The best book I got was Bridal Bargains, by a couple with the last name Fields. It tells you everything you’d need to know and really focuses on making sure you don’t get cheated by the wedding industry, and in addition to that I would get a binder for vendor stuff and ideas and then a notebook so you can jot thoughts down when you talk to vendors.
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Beehive
Feature Launched: Aug 31, 2006
About: A forum for readers to post questions and get feedback from the hive, aka the weddingbee community.
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