Wedding Blog
In our Weekly Roundup yesterday, we linked to a Miss Manners advice column on whether websites could be included on invitations. Miss Manners said that a couple’s wedding website had no place “on a formal invitation or even in the same envelope,” and suggested that website information should be sent via email instead. Several commenters disagreed with Miss Manners, so we thought we’d get your take:
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Can you add an option for “I agree that it shouldn’t be on the actual invitation, but it’s fine on an insert card”? 
That’s what we did!
ah the person who wrote into miss manners actually referenced that because that’s what she was planning on doing… and miss manners still gave that answer. but thanks for the suggestion - i updated the poll. i’m not as much of an expert on polls as you miss bluebell! 
and on save-the-dates? i’ll either put ours on our stds and then a reminder on an insert card
What do people think about putting it on a less formal save-the-date?
Haha sorry Bee, you know I’m a little obsessive about polls. And I get that Miss Manners might think it makes no difference, but I think it does and was just curious if other people did too! (hehe end of my standard “why I’m doing a poll” spiel) And thanks for updating!!
My opinion is that websites are tacky and in your face. I prefer a bit more traditional way of life, and I also don’t want those not invited to stumble upon it.
We’re going to send out an email save-the-date and will include the wedding website on that… and we’ll probably also put it on our invites. Usually Miss Manners is the etiquette queen but on this one, I think she’s just behind the times. And what if you want guests to RSVP on your wedding website? Then you’d have to provide the URL on the invite. I think you stand a far better chance of actually getting people to RSVP (a common problem nowadays!) if they can do it online rather than by snail mail.
It is on our map insert. Its actually the weddingmapper site so it is a really detailed map on things to do, hotels to stay at, and the correct way to get to the venues.
We printed it on the STDs, which went out just shy of a year before the wedding, since we’re getting married in a bit of a touristy area and wanted people to have at least a fightin’ chance of getting travel and lodging set up. Our parents have been coached (in the case of my dad, repeatedly) to send people to the website, and whenever anyone on the guest list emails me about anything at all, by golly I find a way to shoehorn it into my response. I don’t think Emily Post would have come after me if I’d put it on one of the insert cards, but I just chose not to.
I already have an additional comment: I think in this day and age, we’re inclined to expect a URL on virtually anything, and in some cases, we’re surprised not to find one. Just to prove my point, I located the URL on the can of diet Coke and the package of Goya guava wafers flanking the computer, then was semi-astounded not to find one on an expensive calligraphy pen. Ah: here’s a pencil with one, though.
Can it be said that the point of ettiquette is to avoid shocking people? And can it also be said that people today are not shocked to see a URL?
Similar to Sarah, we’re getting married in NYC and we wanted to give our guests lots of advanced warning so we put the website on the std. The website is purely informative (though equally attractive.) It’s not full of sappy stories or photos of all our fun times together.
I am also putting the website on our directions, events and accommodations cards, as in “for more detailed information about these events please visit our website….” I feel like it would be less polite and more inconsiderate to make people travel here without doing all I can to keep them informed about what they should expect when they get here. We’ve been making point to try and keep this as much about our guests (if not more) as it is about us.
Good thing Miss Manners wasn’t on our invite list!
We included our website on the RSVP insert. RSVP’s were done via our wedding website.
Emily Post and Miss Manners are entitled to their opinion. But let’s just say that I’d find it difficult to become friends with them and they would never be invited to my wedding or any party of mine.
Gabs - while I see your logic, I’m one of those people that if I know someone getting married, even if we’re such distant friends that I have no illusions of being invited I still go to their website (if they have one) and read through their story and look at their pictures. Especially with Facebook and everyone wanting to share everything (help me out here, Miss Blueberry!) it’s an easy way to keep up with people who you knew (as in “gosh they’ve been dating since high school I wonder if they’re married yet”) For this reason, I don’t mind if people who aren’t invited see my wedding website, because they’re not close enough to care if they’re not invited!
I included our website on our invitation. Etiquette said not to, but then again, alot of the wedding etiquette was formed back in the traditional days.
I say include it if you want to. Too many brides (including me) get caught up in the “etiquette”. I could understand if we’re members of the Royal Family or sending invitations to members of a High Society. But if you’re just the average person, relax on the rules and save yourself some stress.
I put my website on my save the dates, and I was going to leave it at that. But you’d be surprised how many people just didn’t even see it. And it’s not like it was hidden. It was centered on the bottom of the card on its own line.
So I figure that when they don’t get travel/accommodation info on the invite and a little card falls out seperatley that tells them where the info is, they’ll be more likely to actually go to it. Those who have been, love it and think it’s been really useful!
Okay I want to chime in again with a little more commentary.
We sent our save the dates out nearly a year before the wedding and 99% of our guests either never went to the website or went once and forgot about it. We aren’t doing it just to be tacky and cute, but everyone has to travel and we’re providing accommodations for most of the guests, so there is a LOT of random info we can’t fit in on the invites/inserts. So if everyone’s forgotten the link by now and lost the save the date…they probably need a reminder! I didn’t like the idea of having it on the invite itself, but we have a “for additional information” blip on one of our inserts pointing people to the website and I hope they go!! There’s just soooo much on there that would help THEM out if they knew, instead of either asking us down the grapevine or never asking and being unprepared. That said, my basic thought is that it’s an incredibly useful tool that isn’t crass at all. For tradition’s sake I’d prefer not to have it on my invite itself, but if you’re going to have one at all why not let people know about it??
I think people often dig their heels in against the idea wedding websites because they think that it’s primarily a way to get out registry information. “See here? This is where you can buy us stuff!”
But if you put some effort into making your website informative as well as fun (photos, quizes, polls, silly updates, detailed bios about the wedding party), then your guests can’t help but be charmed in spite of themselves.
I’m including the url on an insert because we have a large number of out of town guests, and the website is for their convenience. I do not, however, include registry info on the website, since I find that a little tacky.
i was going to use the website as a place for people to RSVP, since i know i personally take about 3 days to drop a letter off in the mail, but i’d take 2 seconds to respond online. miss manners nearly dashed my dreams until i saw some of you already did it!
we actually did a post/poll on whether registry information should be included with invitations:
http://www.weddingbee.com/2006/05/30/the-new-registry-etiquette/
I wanted to let people know that you don’t have to have your registry info on your website, particularly with the custom sites that let you choose how it gets set up. Ours is through weddingchannel, and I got them to remove the link to our registries from the website b/c I thought it looked tacky to have that “Registry” label so front-and-center, especially so far from the date. I was really pleasantly surprised by how nice weddingchannel was about it–they even have a 1-800 number and an actual person who picks up the phone!
Times change. A truly formal invitation doesn’t include a response card at all–your guests are supposed to know to reply on their own (formal) stationary. But where I’m from people would think it was tacky that they had to fish out their own stamps! I love reading Miss Manners, and even when I disagree with her I do like that she says that the point of etiquette is to make people more comfortable, not less. Only you know if including the website makes you and/or your guests more comfortable and would therefore be appropriate.
I’m also putting the web address on the RSVP. Wedding Channel offers free websites which allow people to rsvp and choose their entree online. I thought it was really convenient and appropriate
For those who want to use their website for guests to RSVP, remember that not everybody has internet access. Some people (like me) are also a lot more likely to drop a letter in the mail then take the time to get on their computer and figure out how to do it on your website. (I’d respond regardless, but would view doing it on your website as added hassle.)
Ok so I just ran across this poll and I have to say it’s completely ridiculous in today’s age that you can’t put a website address on an invitation. Perhaps if you are having a more ‘formal’ affair, but seriously - I’m having a destination wedding - half the guests are travelling from both coasts. I’ve been in grad school for the last 2.5 years - during that time we got engaged and I barely spoke to anyone. Now I’m trying working my tail off getting my career back on track, paying student loans, and planning a wedding. A website is the only way I can consolidate all the info in a timely manner. I get the concept of not putting the registry info up there, but everything else is fair game. I mean, we’ve all (mostly) accepted that it’s OK to meet someone online (although I’m sticking to my story about meeting him in the Elvis Costello section of Ameoba Records) - so why not gather all the necessary info online?
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