Weddingbee Blog

My mother is against birth control pills for some reason. My doctor put me on them about three years ago to regulate my cycle (I went 5 months w/o having my period for no reason), and when my prescription ran out, she told me that I would just have to see how it all turned out!

Since I’m getting married, I decided to get on the pill again, but I’m not going to tell her until after the wedding. It is a decision for individuals and couples to make, and no one else. But I understand where you are coming from.

While I haven’t come up against anyone that objects to my taking BCP, I do feel your pain. There are other decisions that my FI and I have made that are not exactley popular with either set of parents. We deal mostly by gritting our teeth, smiling, and reapeating the phrase “We see your point, but I think we’ve thought about this long and hard and believe it’s the best decision for us at this point in our lives.” And then trying to change the subject. . . .

On another note, if you’re getting serious nasuea with the BCP, there are other types you can try that have lower dosages that may make you feel well enough to eat dinner. Talk to your dr about it.

Good luck!

My mom doesn’t like the pill either. I have no idea why, as she used to take it herself! I think it has to do with the fact that it can make you put on weight, and also when I first went on it I was 19 which she considered too young to be having sex and she didn’t want to think about that.

I think the decision about what birth control method to use has to be between me, my fiance and my doctor, and nobody else. If my mom brings me objective information about a study about the pill or something (which she friequently does) then I’ll read it and consider it, but if she’s just sharing her personal opinion of what I should be doing for birth control, I listen to her but don’t do anything about it. She’s not looking at it from a medical point of view, and you have to take the course of action that is the healthiest plan for you within your own values.

I’ve been on the pill for 8 years with no problems - no ill side effects, no weight gain, no unexpected pregnancies and clearer skin to boot!

i have no idea what my mom thinks about bcps but she used to take them a while back. i’m sure she’d have no problem with me wanting to delay the babies AFTER getting married but i’m almost positive she’d be miffed if she knew i was taking bcps now…before marriage…for shame! i figure she’d be disappointed that i am having premartial sex but at least i was smart enough to think it through and take measures to prevent a pregnancy. unlike the others in our family.

i don’t see the difference between opting for a condom versus being on the pill. they both prevent the same thing in the end. but this was my decision that i made and discussed with the bf. actually it was me telling him i was going to and him saying okay. you’ve got to do what works best for you.

Eek! This reminds me when I began taking BCP for reasons relating to my skin (I was 16). My Dad (who raised me) was dead-set against taking any form of oral meds to help clear up my skin (we tried the topical, but had no luck). So I called my Aunt (Dad’s older sister) who can usually ‘convince’ my Dad to go for things like this, and the first thing she said was “so you want me to convince your Dad to let a 16 year old go on BC?” LOL - I think this is what my Dad was thinking too, but HONESTLY it was for my skin! Can you say awwwwkward. Anyhoo, I continue to take it today and just avoid talking about it with the parents altogether. After all, it is my body

I think perhaps *some* of our parents being reluctant to go for the whole BCP regardless of our age might have something to do with the big BCP scare in the 60/70s? Of course it could also be they don’t want to think of their “babies” needing it or it could be for cultural/religious reasons as well.

If you are comfortable with the risk/benefits and have discussed it with your doc (which clearly you have) I say continue to use the BCP and perhaps not mention it again to your Mom - regardless of how close you two are.

After dating FI for a few months:

**ring, ring** (I call home)
Mom: Hello?
Me: Hi mom, I’m on the way to the doctor…
Mom: …
Me: Nothing’s wrong, but I am going to the gyno for BC (birth control).
Mom: Are you sure that’s a good idea?
Me: Are you sure it’s NOT a good idea?!?!

In fact, this is the reason my parents have been so flexible when camping, when FI would visit, etc. with the sleeping sitch–they say it’s because they know we’re being careful. And my mom confirmed that she and my dad had made this trip together, too, and that she knew it was a good idea. No objections in general–the pill seems to work for FI and me.

My darling parents try to be strict when it comes to conventional values, but in the end praciticality wins. Example…

Me: Patrick’s getting a job in Tacoma and we’re going to start looking for a place to rent.
Mom: Well, I don’t really know how I feel about that… (we weren’t engaged at this point)
Me: Well, it makes sense rent-wise (one rent instead of two) and we’ve been dating for four years so we’re obviously really serious…
Mom: Actually, I don’t know why I said that. This makes sense.

Ah, love my mom!

I think there’s a huge difference between the condom and the BCP in both the feeling of being intimite and what they are designed to prevent. The condom is of course, also designed to be a preventer of STD’s (not save-the-dates in this case!) and pregnancy. The BCP is only to prevent pregnancy. Until my FI and knew that we’d be together forever, we used condoms and before we decided not to use them, we both were checked for STD’s (even though he’d never had another partner and I had only used condoms with other partners). I’ve been on BCP since I was 16 for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) to regulate periods and deal with some of the side affects of PCOS.

My Mom is very much in favour of BCP and she put me on them when I was 15. There was some extreme cramping that helped the decision but really it was because she knew that Mr. Pumpkin and I were “getting serious” (I know that is somewhat scandalous at age 15 but it was my reality - I in now way endorse it for others) Anyhow, I have been on them ever since and I am so glad that she did that. I will definitely follow her example when I have kids. I would rather know that they are safe no matter what happens than *hope* that they are being responsible.

“Natural” is a couple having lots of sex (maybe not exclusively with one another), and lots of babies, only some of whom will reach adulthood due to “natural” viruses, infections, injuries, diseases, accidents, etc. Funny how people want modern medicine to keep “natural” deaths from happening but then call it “unnatural” to try to reduce births. If you keep births the same but reduce mortality we would/do have rampant overpopulation.

Anyway I have lots of psuedoscience and believers in the “natural” way in my family. It makes no sense. There is a strong anti-hormonal BC strain among my parents generation, as well as a number of “accidental” cousins that have resulted from various versions of the rhythm method, withdraw, reused condoms (just fold the old one inside out and it should do the trick!), improper diligence with the pill, etc. Most of my generation seems more open to the pill.

What can you do. Keep this between you and your husband. If you must discuss it with your mother, ask her what method keeps a woman from ovulating during pregnancy. Hormones. Very important not to produce another egg when already pregnant. So hormones are a “natural” method of controlling fertility, one us smart humans now exploit for our own purposes when not pregnant.

But 100 years ago a fertile, sexually active couple would expect 1 child roughly every two years and thus a woman would spend a good deal of her adult life pregnant or under lactation-induced lower fertility aka. hormones preventing proper ovulation.

Anyway, I too had occasional nausea on the pill. I much prefer the ring. Also don’t have to remember every day.

I went off the BCP last year after a few of my co-workers were hospitalized due to blood clots forming in their lungs due to the BCP!

While I am not going to preach, I will just say, I am staying far away from the BCP. It’s condoms only from here on out.

My parents and I have a pretty, um, I guess abnormal relationship. Their belief is that if I am an adult, I need to act like an adult. If I am going to have sex, I can’t act embarassed about talking to them about it.

I talkto my dad about condoms and my mom about her experience with BCP. I suppose I should feel weird and embarassed, but parents are people too.