My First (Sour) Taste Of Planning
April 25th, 2007 @ 5:15 pm by Mrs. Lovebug
Having (prudently? foolishly?) decided not to hire a professional wedding planner, Mr. Lovebug and I went recently to our local big box bookstore in search of some DIY guidance. A recently married friend assures us that a self-planner is all we need to stay on track, on task, and on budget.
The section housing these frighteningly saccharine tomes is housed intuitively enough between Pregnancy and Etiquette. I figure an hour’s research in this row, and I have every conceivable social scenario covered, leaving me no excuse to violate decorum when my water breaks during high tea.
Apparently, wedding planners are pretty much all subsets of the sames species: pastel, flowery, and feminine. Imagine if your Filofax was the sort of Filofax that douched–that’s what a wedding planner looks like. Mathematically, that’s:
+
=
And as you’ll come to know, I’m not a very frou-frou girl. So as I page through these books, I’m already feeling out of my element. And when I randomly land at “Month 10: Assess Your Looks”, I bristle big time. I really dislike the idea of putting pressure on women to reinvent their bodies for their weddings. If they decide to do so for personal reasons, that’s one thing. But for publishers to presume to tell a bride that her wedding-day looks are as crucial as the planning itself? That bothers me.
The page depicts a young bride consulting her image in the mirror with a slight frown, followed by a checklist of physical “areas of focus” to concentrate on. I’d go into depth and list them, but it was right about then that I slammed the book shut.
And it was also right about then that I made to myself the following pledges:
1. To take all the advice pouring forth from every corner of the wedding industry with a grain of salt, and to remember that all this advice constitutes suggested guidelines, not hard-and-fast rules.
2. To remember that Mr. Lovebug loves me for who I am today, not who I’ll be for one day next year.
3. To allow for a certain amount of Zen to find its way into the planning process, because I can only control so much.
4. To create a wedding that’s a reflection of US, not a stagey production where every detail was fretted over ad nauseum.
So yes, we did pick out a planner. It’s sitting on the kitchen counter. It’s very pretty, in a soft-focus sort of way. And so far, it’s completely empty.
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27 Responses to “My First (Sour) Taste Of Planning”
agh! there are so many free ones that there’s no reason to spend money on that!
Oy! I am right there with you, sister. I have no planning book. I downloaded Martha’s (Stewart) guide & have haphazzardly followed it as a guide for when to do what. I am not one to follow tradition, so I hate all of the BS the books & sites (other sites) tell you you “have” to do. This is why I love the diversity of weddingbee. Generally when someone tells me I have to do something, I will find a way not to, and then do the hell out of not doing it just to prove a point…
Cracks me up. I went from planner to a binder to a set of binders to a row of boxes. As something was done, it was fun to ditch a huge bunch of paper.
There was a recent gripe-fest RE the knot’s electronic reminder list that reminds you to do crazy neurotic things or to finish things eons in advance.
wth is wrong with douche box girl’s face?? OMG!
Mrs. Spider: um, what are you talking about? I photoshopped my face onto the image to protect the real douche box girl’s identity.
I once picked up a bridal magazine with a “wedding planning insert” that set aside time for plastic surgery procedures for the bride and the mother of the bride. Totally sick.
lol, i bought this stupid book at Walmart! It costs me 20 bucks and doesn’t even have a place for me to put my vendor contact list. It’s a complete waste of time. My fiance got so sick of me showing him random pictures that he got his ugly black binder, some clear sleeves and shoved them in there. This book is now my official planner. It’s awesome.
I’ve really tried to get into planners. I just can’t do it. I’ve blogged about it before as well. I guess I’m just not organized by nature. And those planning guides are so frustrating because they make any sane person feel like they’re behind. Boo to that!
I hate the knot and stuff like that because it makes me fee guilty that I haven’t done “what I’m supposed to do” yet. I’m with Keny. I’m going to get a massive notebook and page protectors. With all the OCD people in my family (excluding me), I’ll get all the reminders I need.
You have exactly the right POV at how to approach this. You don’t need a planner. A nice notebook will do just fine. And using the timelines from the knot, although somewhat helpful in the big picture, the details will freak you out and make you think you’re so behind on everything.
You don’t neeeeed all the stuff the wedding pushers push on us. Take it with a grain of salt is right.
I actually bought a planner (it had white roses all over it), but after flipping through it some more, became totally disgusted. So I returned it, bought a binder and sleeves at Office Max, and starting using this site and Indie Bride.
http://home.wamego.net/jaeklund/images/Douche.jpg
no seriously, who’s face is that and why did original douche box girl’s identity need protecting??
I did the same thing - searched the store for something that I could see as at least somewhat useful. So disapointing to find all of that frilly crap.
So instead i went to my local office store, purchased a 3 ring binder and expanding file. I inserted my own checklists, calendars, and items of inspiration. They have served me well and I’m sure they will continue to do so.
Love the post! hilarious!
OMG Lisa, that’s disgusting…and yay to all the free, DIY binders!
I have two planners, if you can believe that and both are empty, minus the front inside cover with mine and FI’s names and wedding date.
SO many women need to approach their weddings with #1 and #2 in mind. I told myself long ago if the cake falls over or the lanters aren’t hung perfectly–who cares? It’s just the wedding, I’m still married and I can still get drunk and dance the night away!!!
PS I didn’t look very closely at the douche box and just thought that was a very unfortunate girl…!!! ::Sigh of relief::
PPS Not that you are unfortunate looking, Lovebug! Exact opposite…but the face doesn’t fit on the head perfectly–ha ha. 
HAHA - your equation cracks me up!
I bought a planner at Target, on clearance at like 80% off, then went through and took all the inserts out and threw out what I didn’t need, kept what I did want, and put it all in one of my old 3-ring binders from college with my own dividers. It’s worked great for me. You can customize it to whatever you need.
I couldn’t stand the idea of carrying around something pink and covered in roses, either!
You are withoutadoubt my favorite Bee. Thank you for making me snort coffee through my nose at work
–girl
PS - any way of tugging on the shirt of Mrs. Bee to see if she got my request to become a bee??
no offense, but you write like you’re writing for a master’s thesis or something.
i’m just worried that other people won’t understand or want to comprehend through the layers and layers of verbose/bombastic/elevated diction.
No worries, Miss Lovebug…while Christa may have her opinion of your writing, please know that at least one person out here really enjoys your ‘voice’. At the risk of sounding like a complete deranged devotee, I really find it rather refreshing.
A lot of people enjoy your diction and I personally really appreciate it as one who edits her texts messages, spells out EVERYTHING in an email or text message, etc. Keep on, keepin’ on.
The couple people I know who also check in around here also love your tone and voice. You write beautifully!
I almost fell off my chair - so true about the planners! And I also really hate the “wedding day workouts” telling us all to be thinner for my wedding. Don’t I have enough to worry about? Didn’t my FI fall in love with me as-is?? I went to the gym to get my free session with a trainer, explained I was getting married, and she interrupts me to ask “And you want to lose weight?” And I was like “NO, thanks, skinny b*tch - I’m fine with my size, I just wanted to tone my upper arms!” 
The last thing I want to do is lose a ton of weight and not look like me, only to gain it all back.
I for one love your riding. I mean writing.
As an aardvark, I have absolutely no idea how to plan a wedding. As a man, I understand it even less. So I stumbled across this website a few months ago in an effort to give me some idea of the sort of stuff my fiance might find important. She had repeatedly reminded me that that I was about as helpful as Alec Baldwin at a PTA conference. And it was true. Flowers, crafts, colors, baked-goods, Martha Stewart…. Barf. Barf. Barf. Might as well give me an estrogen suppository.
This site was my favorite. Reading these posts, learning how a woman thinks about her wedding, and stealing all sorts of creative ideas has completely saved my snout. You should have seen my fiance’s expression when I suggested we use peach-colored paper luminaries for our outside reception. Simple, inexpensive, utterly romantic, kinda magical, and–get this–matches her bridemaid’s dresses. My imput, even though it’s completely stolen, has made the wedding planning experience very special for her.
So…to all you ladies on this site…..my warmest thanks for sharing all your thoughts and ideas and feelings. If my fiance only knew how truly clueless I am, she probably would have never agreed to marry me.
Special thanks to the new editor, Lovebug. Earlier today, someone actually had the moronic nerve to criticize your writing style. Unbelievable. There’s only two reasons why she would find your writing too complex: she’s possibly recovering from a recent prefrontal lobotomy, or she has a severely sloping forehead—either of which would affect her reading comprehension skills. Don’t change a thing. Your writing is exceptionally smooth, playful, and witty—a real joy to read.
Good luck ladies!! May your wedding be filled with love and happiness!
Oh, and by the way…for anyone looking to save a few bucks: Rather than spending $75 on some flower-printed wedding planner/binder, Office Max has Star Wars Trapper Keepers on sale for $3.99. It gets the job done, and your juvenile husband will love it!
[...] I’m just not a charity-minded person. But then I realized there is one cause to which my overly verbose and bombastic heartstrings pull: [...]
Mrs. Lovebug, Tucson
Age and Occupation in 06: 31, Writer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Professional Game Show Contestant
Engagement Date: February 18, 2007
Wedding Date: April 19, 2008
Venue: Historic Inn
About Me: Likes: blogging, wikis, semi-colons, cuddling, fragrant flowers, syntax, and spooning. Dislikes: typos, dangling modifiers, flypaper, citronella candles, and run-ons. If I had my druthers, I'd exchange simple vows in a candlelit library. But I lost my druthers long ago...anyone seen them?
haha, i think that’s the planner one of my friends used. currently i’ve got all my notes camped out in a regular binder with plastic sleeves and folders. so far so good. as a tomboy myself, i felt the same way whenever i ventured to that section. good thing the sports section isn’t too far off!