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Ok, so in the comments of Miss Kiwi’s “Gimme Gimme Money” post, Sarah wanted some info about giving cash (or a check) as a gift:
How much is expected? How much do you usually give? What is expected? Do you cover the cost of your plate or is that etiquette from the past?”
Paying Your Own Way?
The one that I can answer (or so I believe) is the “cover your plate” query. You don’t have to do that. I mean… That could get pretty pricey, especially if you had to attend a wedding like this one. And on a more realistic level, even a very high end NYC wedding could have you considering knocking over a convenience store. To keep it real, more than a couple of venues start at $250/per person, not including the 22% (!!) service fee (don’t confuse this spurious, rip-off fee with a gratuity-your vendor will expect that on top) and the 8% tax. I’m no mathematician, but that seems like a heck of a lot of money to give as a gift. And the same goes on the other end–if someone has a modest backyard wedding, you ought not reduce your gift accordingly. So, yeah, to summarize you should give what you give, cost-of-wedding notwithstanding.
All About the Benjamins (and Jacksons, and Lincolns, and Washingtons…)
Now onto the cold hard numbers-what do you give?
It know it’s trƒ¨s gauche to discuss dollars and cents, but I also know (because I sure have looked!) that there’s just a dearth of answers out there. Let’s overcome this problem, Bees, and complete a little poll to help me all of us get a handle on what the kids are shelling out these days. And, to be somewhat specific, let’s divvy this up by regions/types of areas to make it a bit more accurate. Feel free to elaborate in the comments!!
Find your geographic area and then click on what amount you give, per person (since a lot of us give joint gifts as a couple, just divide that number in half so we can get a per person idea of things).
(I have a sneaking suspicion I’m going to come out of this poll looking like a cheap so-and-so who just got demoted to the B list…we’ll see!)
Going to a wedding is like going out on a Saturday night. Whatever you would pay for you and your sig to go out to dinner, drinks, etc. plus whatever you would spend on a small gift (e.g. hostess gift) is always a good rule of thumb.
You are being treated for a fun night out!
Sarah, that’s the beauty of anonymous polls! no one will know whether to add us to or cross us off their list… ha!
what’s the difference between small town usa and rural peeps?
Oh dear, how sad is it that I don’t know how to classify Buffalo, NY- I put it in Smalltowns for our ever dwindling population 
Same old cliche formula, depends how well you know them, if they’re family, etc.
“it depends” is such a copout answer, but it’s true! for me, it depends on my relationship and affection for the marrying couple. as a couple, we have given $88 (good luck for my chinese peeps), $500 (on RARE occasion to close friends/family), and other amounts in between.
let’s say on average since many of us spend more on our closest friends and family.
I also want to add - I think it depends where we are in our life. I’m the youngest out of my cousins so when I was a poor college student and a poor just out of college student I didn’t have much money and hoped the bride and groom understood that. …Now that my FI and I are getting settled in our careers we tend to be able to give more…especially that we are planning on wedding and know how $$ it is…
It depends. If you are a good friend $50 from just me. If you are a somewhat distant family memeber $25 from me and my bf, if you are a good friend out of state $25. If you are a friend I used to be close with but am not anymore $25…. is that bad?
I agree with Erika.
There are a lot of factors.
I’m with Erika - having just graduated last semester, I’ve never been in a position to give as much as I would have liked (considering my friends started marrying our first year of college). But, what I can’t give in monetary value, I give in though. Instead of picking random registry things, I choose a theme, purchase several of the smaller items, and then spend extra time on the presentation/packaging as well as a nice card.
Just a suggestion for the next poll, maybe put increments. $0-25, $26-50 and $51-75 are more inclusive (yes I had to take a research methods class!) especially since someone who spends $65 wouldn’t really fall into one option or the other…
Angie, I would say that there is no “bad” in gift-giving. obviously any gift is exactly that–a *gift* (there’s a reason we don’t call it an “obligation” or an “expected”).
and i also think that if a bride goes around ranking her gifts, she might be the “bad” one…!!
Andria, i have to say i don’t exactly know what difference i meant for between Smalltown and Rural. maybe Smalltown=non-metro area and Rural=pure country…? does that make any sense at all? (i’m not exactly known for my sense making, i admit!)
i also agree with Mrs. Bee on choosing an average when you vote in the poll. there will always be outliers on either end.
Traditionally, at least from what my mother and grandmother taught me (chinese household) it’s $100 per person that you bring. Because with a lot of chinese weddings the invitation is for the family (i.e. parents + unmarried kids) it can range from $200 per couple to $500 for a 5 person family. The per person number also goes up for close family members. Say if my sister was getting married her gift would probably be $1K from me or my parents. At the most recent wedding my mom and dad went to, for one of their employees, they gave $500. I went to a wedding for a non chinese friend and gave a total (including BParty and Bshower) about $300.
I agree that gifts shouldn’t be expected because it’s inappropriate for a bride to expect them, but just as inapprorpiate as it is to expect them, it’s inappropriate not to give that is suitable.
Hey! How come Philly gets to be named as a major metro area and SF doesn’t?!
Does this depend on where the wedding is or where you’re from? Should you spend the same for a gift for a Smalltown USA wedding as you would for a Major Metro area wedding? A coffeemaker from BB&B costs the same no matter where the couple registered . . . .
what about a town of 1500 three hours west of minneapolis? it’s a very small town, but it’s not a farm! just kidding…i just chose “rural” peeps…
i would think most of us are getting married in some sort of “town” so that’s where i was being picky and wondering if “rural” peeps meant like, literally in a grassy plain with no buildings in sight…lol
I’m hoping Honolulu falls into “Major Metro” because that’s where my vote went. It really depends on the couple though. Also if it’s our friends, we always try to pitch in with set-up or prep, things like that as well as a monetary gift and maybe something small from the registry.
I’m still in grad school so $25 is a lot a money for me to be able to give, so I do think it depends some on the stage in life.
Having been through my own recent wedding, as well as seeing a few others in my area (small southern city), a gift of $100 was very generous and given by the closest of family only (and generally older couples). $30 was most common as far as monetary gifts.
I think it depends. If I’m going to an asian wedding, I’ve been well trained to give cash, and I try to get a really pretty card to set myself apart from everybody else. =)
However, for registry gifts (which I have done in the past) I used to work for williams-sonoma, so I’d be able to get them something nicer than what i would normally be able to spend, since I got a sick discount working there! Even if they weren’t registered there, everybody knew that I worked there, and they would just tell me what they wanted.
I’m in DC and I voted in the major city section, I hope that’s correct! We’re not really the south, so I felt that was the only option.
I put what I normally give for non-family weddings ($100). For a family member, I’ll probably give more.
i’d have to say, hopefully the bride & groom don’t “expect” a certain amount, becuase that’s just poor taste! as a bride-to-be myself, i’m choosing my guestlist based on who i’d be willing to pay to come without expecting a return.
but i think it really does depend. my family just went to my cousin’s wedding recently and we gave $1000 to the bride & groom. i also give differently if i know the bride and groom both, vs. only one of the parties.
I’m a poor, poor biomedical Ph.D. student, but you only get married once, so I tend to give more than I can probably afford (of course, I would never go into debt over a wedding gift). I think generally I either give as a check or off of registry gifts around $150. That said, if it is someone I am very close to (one of my best friends is getting married in 3 weeks), I will likely contribute quite a bit more… I will probably chip in around the $250 range and my fiance will probably put in another $100 or so.
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Mrs. Daisy, New York Age and Occupation: 32, Attorney Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Finance Engagement Date: December 10, 2005 Wedding Date: November 11, 2006 Blogging Since: June 7, 2006 Venue: Metropolitan Club About Me: My favorite activities used to include knitting, cooking, doing the crossword puzzle and about a million other relaxing pursuits. Since my engagement, well, not so much. Wedding planning has become my primary hobby. So much so that I am downgrading my work schedule to part-time in order to more fully dedicate myself to my wedding (and reality tv, as well, if I'm being honest).
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