Wedding Blog
While I’ve never really wanted a mother-in-law to call “Mom”, I always thought it was cool when people did have that close relationship. My future in-laws (the ones not blood-related to MIL), call my future MIL “Lita”. Mr. Kiwi’s brother and sister call her Mom. Mr. Kiwi, however, calls her “Em”.
See, Mr. Kiwi’s mom goes by the nickname “Lita”, short for Emerita. At her work one day, Mr. Kiwi heard a co-worker call her “Em”, short for Emerita. Thinking it could be “M” for Mom, or “Em” for Emerita, Mr. Kiwi quickly adopted this–thinking he was soooo cool for making it up. All this time we’ve been dating, I always considered calling her “Em” as well, since he will be my husband, and it’s not necessarily “M” for Mom, right?
Well, when I brought this up the other day, he said that I can’t, it’s HIS name that he thought up. Of course, I brought up the co-worker who thought of it first, and Mr. Kiwi said it didn’t matter–HE thought of using it for Mom. Brat. 
So I fought for the right to use it as well, and he grudgingly gave me the go-ahead. Well, I don’t want his pity nickname! 
In case you’re wondering, we are very immature 28 year olds–battling it out for nickname rights. Anyway, I’ll see what happens, if it’ll be “Lita” like the rest of her children in law, or if I’ll borrow Mr. Kiwi’s term. He thinks that since my parents will go by their first names, that’s how it should be for both of us.
So, let me ask, what are you calling your in-laws?
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I have no idea what I’m going to call them. I think his mom will expect “Mom,” and I don’t think his dad even thinks about it (the fiance’s siblings call their dad by his full name about half the time, anyway). But this has been a question for me since high school–I had friends I was so close to, I gave their mothers roses for Mother’s Day, so calling them Mrs. So-and-So seemed needlessly formal. Still, there’s not really another option. My solution was to avoid addressing them if at all possible. If I needed to get their attention, I’d go with something really classy like “um.”
I call them by their first names. I feel weird calling them anything else as we’re all adults. I don’t like calling them Mrs. So-and-so and I refuse to call them Mom or Dad. I know future SIL (who married FH’s brother) calls them by their first names. I figured I’d just follow suit.
Mr. and Mrs. xxxxxx. I cant say Mr. and Mrs. butterfly because I’m not changing my name. but yeah, its pretty formal. I guess its because I dont feel very close to them, and in Asian culture, you would never EVER call them by their first name. so i’m left with either Mom/Dad or Mr. and Mrs….i guess a 3rd option could be the words Mom/Dad in either korean or chinese - but i just dont feel comfortable calling them something that…personal.
am i the only crazy one here?
Mrs. firstname and Mr. firstname…it’s kind of the southern way of being a bit formal but still friendly.
i have no idea! i’ll have a really hard time calling them mom and dad b/c, well, i already have a mom and dad. and, my dad passed away years ago and i can’t, won’t, don’t want to call any other person “dad”.
My sister’s inlaws asked to go by the grandparent names that had already stuck with their pre-existing grandkids. Works for them.
To my DH, it’s “your mom” and “your dad”. When with them, I avoid using anything if I can help it. When I can’t, it’s their first names. I wish they would say - call me x … it would make life much easier, but to be honest for all we brides agonize over it, I wonder if our IL’s even think twice about it.
Right now, I don’t really call them anything…But I don’t know. I don’t think I could call them mom and dad, because I have a mom and dad of my own. That would be weird. Calling them Mr. and Mrs. E**** would we too formal. I might either call them by their first names, or Mr. First name and Mrs. First name, or I’ll call them Moomaw and Po (what my future neice calls them)
I’ll definitely call them by their first names, like I already do. As my relationship with my fiance developed, I became friends with his parents, and I think calling them anything else would be strange for all of us.
I call my future in-laws Mom and Dad. They have made me a part of the family from the beginning, so calling them Mr. and Mrs. seems too formal, and calling them by their first names did not come naturally; calling them Mom and Dad did, though. I feel that the relationship I have with my in-laws is few and far between, based on what I’ve read here and on the Knot.
Mrs.XXX and Dr.XXX
Says nothing about our relationship. I’ve been with their son for over 10years. We are pretty close and all love each other very much. But in our circle elders get respect. Period.
I agree with Fizzy.
I wouldnt make assumptions of “closeness” based on name calling. May be a matter of culture or upbringing.
At first I used to call them Mr. and Mrs. Carrot because they are both teachers and it seems weird not to address a teacher formally.
Then after a while I got used to calling them MOM and DAD in English.
In Chinese culture, you never address an elder by their first name. The only time I address them by their first name is when MY MOM is in the room so then I can’t call her MOM in case MY mom gets offended.
I asked my fiancee’s parents how they would like to be addressed and they said to call them Mom and Dad like their children call them not father-in-law or mother-in-law in chinese. I was relieved to hear that because prior to our engagement it was always just a ‘hi’ and smile cuz I didnt know how to properly address them. Mr & Mrs seemed too formal and in asian culture calling them by first names would be disrespectful. As for my fiancee, he will be calling my parents what I call them and that’s Ma and Ba in chinese. It will take some getting use to for us and for the parents.
I’m already calling then Mom & Dad the way they are referred to by their kids… and he calls mine Mama & Papa the way my brother and I refer to them…
We are on VERY VERY VERY good terms and the phrase “in law” is not on any of our vocabularies!
I call them “Okasan” and “Otousan” - Mom and Dad. In Japanese culture, anything else would seem weird.
They sign cards with their first names, but I’m sure I’ll be calling them ‘Mr. & Mrs. ___’ until they ask me to do otherwise, and even then it will be difficult. My dad has asked my fiance to use first names (at his own pace/comfort), and I know it is a difficult adjustment for him as well.
I’m sure it’s harder for him, actually, since my parents live on this coast and we see them every couple months, whereas we see his only once a year and I never speak to them on the phone.
I will be calling them by their first names. I would never call them “Mom” and “Dad”. I have parents already!
So jealous of those of you who have great relationships with your in-laws. I will be calling mine by the first names, and sadly I don’t think I will ever be able to reach the point of calling them mom and dad.
i just had to deal with this on email, where i couldn’t fake it! since we are on the other side of the planet, but FH’s dad was turning 75, i sent them an email (his mom sometimes sends me emails) to say happy birthday. i used their first names in the salutation. i feel totally comfortable calling FFIL “Bill” but i don’t like using his mom’s first name for some reason. FH always refers to them as “Mom & Dad” to me and, honestly, i find that a little annoying! i love them but they are not my mom & dad! it makes it seem like i’m his sister or something.
i call them the formal version of “mother” and “father” in korean
I have no idea.. FI and I had this discussion and I still have no idea. So far, we just avoid the direct name references altogether but I’m sure it will have to be sorted out. “Dad”/”Mom” is way too casual as are first names; “Mr. ____”, etc., is too formal; and FI’s suggestion (last name)-san doesn’t feel comfortable to me right now either.
Good topic! I’m enjoying reading all the discussion and glad I’m not the only person with this concern!
I, also, have absolutely no idea what to call my FMIL. When we first started dating, I always called her Mrs. LastName. It’s somewhat awkward now — we email all the time, and I just don’t use a greeting to address her, because I don’t know what to call her. I know she would love for me to call her “Mom” but I just don’t feel right doing that… she’s not my mother, and I don’t want my mother to feel like I’m replacing her. Suzy, I completely agree with you — calling her Mom makes me feel like I’m my fiance’s sister. I don’t know if it’s appropriate for me to call her by her first name. My fiance is in the same boat, although I know my parents would rather just be called by their first names, but he feels odd doing that.
I’m glad to hear that I’m not the only one stuck in the “hey, you” phase!
i call my mother Mum or Mama and i call my father John. my FH will probably do the same, which frees up “Mom” and “Dad” for his parents since that is what he already calls them. His mother’s name is Pam and recently she has been signing her emails “Pammom” i though that was cute and i might go with that one.
First names. I’m actually “fighting” with my FI over HIS nickname which everyone in his family gets to call him but me! I think it’s so cute ;o)
ma & pa, what my hubby & sil calls them… i call my parents ummah & ahbah… that’s what my hubby calls them… it’s cute… cuz it’s mommy & daddy in korean 
good blog. I don’t know. I don’t think I can call them by their first name because it seems disrespectful. But I am certainly not calling them MR and Mrs XXX for the rest of their lives. I had always imagined them coming to me on the day we got engaged and having them say “call me Dad!” but that day has passed and I don’t imagine either of them bringing it up on our wedding day because they are not that type. FI will call my mom, mom. And my dad… probably father-in-law in spanish.
My MIL were close from the day we meet, and I was calling her MOM just months after we started dating. She didn’t have any daughters, and I was the first serious girlfriend her son had ever had so she insisted on it. My FIL was another story. It took a few years to get used to calling him Dad.
Personally, I find calling them Mom and Dad is more respectful then calling them by first names, but my husband has never been close to my parents (for good reason) and calls them by first names.
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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