Weddingbee

I’d recommend talking it through with your fiance. Explain to him that you’re hurt, upset, etc… It’s a delicate subject and you don’t want to get into a “you’re marrying me, not your mother” conversation, but it is important that he recognize now that your feelings have to take priority and that his parents cannot come in and change things at the last minute.

I’d be honest and tell him that you’re not comfortable accepting her financial support. You might try to think of a way so that maybe she “gifts” you two with a large sum of money to pay off wedding debt after you’re married, but you don’t want her “paying for the flowers,” or something else specific, because you want to be free to make those decisions on your own.

I agree with Mary - decide what items are your priorities and make your fiancee aware of what those are. Let him know you will not back down on what you want on those items, but that everything else is up for compromise. Then when you are feeling frustrated about your future MIL, go back to that list and remember the commitment you made at the very beginning.

Decide together the things you two want and will not compromise on. Together, go and talk to her and say you will accept the money on the condition that x, y and z will be done your way. Otherwise thank her for her offer but tell her you don’t want money with strings attached.

Beware of MIL making up excuses to postpone the wedding, given her track record of making promises she doesn’t keep. There’s always “one more thing”…

I’d be flexible IF it were for a religious reason (i.e., Friday night being out for those who are observant Jews and MIL and her guests are completely unable to come; possibly hurt that it was scheduled at a time they could never come) — but this doesn’t seem to be the case here.

Would tell fiance how you feel and what’s most important to you, agree together on your united decision and message, and let him be the one to discuss w/ his mother (”Mom, that’s very generous of you, but we just can’t make the change at this point because it would mean postponing the wedding for too long because there isn’t a Saturday available until X…” — this makes it clear that it’s not about the money, it’s about the date). I feel for you!!! Good luck!!!

I know you’ve already pushed back the date, but if there is one thing I have learned from this whole planning process is that you just can’t please everyone so you might as well do what makes you happy with all due respect to your parents. If Friday was the day you wanted and there were no other religious conflicts, then Fmil’s guests would just have to make the best of it. Why? 1. Even if you changed the date, what’s to say they are going to come? 2. now she’s giving you alot of money. Giving you “lots” of money is not going to compensate you for *your day*. If you are already feeling hesitant then don’t take it. Don’t feel just because your mother or you don’t earn as much as your fi/mom, that you have to submit. If it’s not affordable then cut down your guest list. I like Kandace’s suggestion about talking to Fmil saying you’ll take it under conditions x, y, z. Figure out what is important to you and give her other tasks. Your fi really has to be on your side.