There are some issues in this world that really tend to polarize people: politics, religion, cake toppers…
I for one come down firmly on the side of Switzerland regarding this last item. But I do know this. If I were sure I wanted one, and I were sure my wedding were going to be retro-riffic, I’d know where to go. Fancy Flours has a great selection of vintage toppers from the 20s through the 70s. They range in condition (poor to mint) and accordingly, price ($65 to $195):

Can’t you just hear the Gerswhin?

Parasols!

An officer and a Jackie O.-woman
Not for everyone, of course. But somewhere out there, there’s got to be a couple cool enough to pull something like this off. And if that’s you, you owe to the rest of us to do so. We salute you, O imaginary retro-modern bride and groom!
Also available on Fancy Flours, a vintage Japanese netsuke cake topper made of, get this: woolly mammoth ivory: 
None of the pesky guilt you get with elephant ivory here! Blame it on Paleolithic poachers.
At $350, this one is a, um, mammoth investment. But wow, what a keepsake.