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Recently Mr. Kiwi put us in a bit of a bind. Out of respect for his brother and sister, we are inviting their in-laws. So it’s his sister’s husband’s parents, and his brother’s in-laws as well (confused yet?). Since we had discussed it previously, I was all set to address a save-the-date to Lena’s (Mr. Kiwi’s sister) sister in law, too. Well, Lena had to call for their address, since we didn’t have it.
As I was telling Mr. Kiwi about how hard it was to get this address, he breaks the news: “We are NOT inviting them.” What?! We had discussed this BEFORE, man. Well, Mr. Kiwi has since remembered a bad experience with that couple (they tried to TIP him for helping out family–the ultimate insult to Mr. Kiwi) and refuses to invite them. They’re also fairly judgmental and will most likely make insulting comments in comparing our wedding to theirs.
Now, thankfully, we rarely have to see that family, but what am I going to do? We’ve already asked for the address, and Mr. Kiwi just freakishly changed his mind. (Thank goodness they are not internet savvy!) We’re in a bind.
Can’t tell from the post — Do they KNOW you asked for their addresses for wedding invitations specifically (if so, probably can’t back out), or can you send birthday/graduation/Cinco de Mayo cards or something else? I made this mistake around the holidays and sent a Christmas card to cover my goof. They sent a return Christmas card and that was the end of that.
Hi Iris, I KNEW my post was confusing! Yeah, my FSIL asked them for their address. I’m trying to find something else to send them a card for. Shoot. I told Mr. Kiwi that it’s his issue because he changed his mind, but I totally understand not wanting to invite them. CRAP.
Thinking about it again, you might just go ahead and send them the invite anyway, especially if it’s just the two of them. If they’re so distant, they might not even come, but they might still send a gift. I know that’s not what it’s about, but the worst case is that they come, don’t really know anyone to offer their opinions to, leave a gift and send you a card next Christmas. It’s not like Mr. Kiwi will have to block aside time to spend with Just the two of them or anything.
Sorry - I am little confused was does TIP stand for? Trouble in Paradise? Tip as in $5?
Is there any chance that the FSIL in-laws would be offended if their daughter and husband were excluded? If so, will that make things awkward for your FSIL/FBIL? I think that should play a factor in your decision.
Yikes. Miss Kiwi, I know you said they’re not internet savvy, but are you SURE they won’t see this post? Internet posts have a very long shelf life.
tip as in $5
Joanna, yeah, I’m sure. No one on that side knows I’m here, and also, they’re not pleasant people by any means, and they know it. 
As for my FSIL, I already talked about it with her, and they’re a pain in her rear most of the time, too. She said it’s up to Mr. Kiwi. 
You could always send out wedding announcements. That way even if they were asked for the address for the wedding, it could just be announcements….?? Maybe they’re the only ones who get one (made on your computer with some nice card stock!)
I think it might still be a good idea to ask them, even if they’ve been rude to you in the past. I think it’s a really nice gesture and I think that your fiance’s siblings will appreciate it.
As for…they’ll be comparing your wedding with their child’s wedding and such…I think no matter who you invite, they’ll probably be comparing your wedding to their wedding or other weddings they’ve gone to..I think it’s a pretty natural thing. I’ve noticed that I’ve compared weddings in the past to other ones I’ve gone to just because it seems like sometimes you really can’t help it. If they make insulting comments to you and your husband-to-be, let it go, all that matters if that you love your wedding and that it’s the best day of YOUR life, not theirs.
Unless you can come up with something really graceful, I think you’re kind of stuck.
If they accept the invitation, just make up your mind that you won’t hear anything rude that they say. Be cordial to them and focus most of your energy on your new husband and your other guests.
Haha, bliss’s comment made me laugh.
I’m sorry but I can’t quite understand why Mr. Kiwi was so upset over being offered a tip. Is it because it makes his helpful familial gesture impersonal?
Anyway, that is beside the point. Either way, it sounds like they are not so pleasant. I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to work this out. Good luck!
i would just invite them… they are going to find out about the wedding date anyway… why make it uncomforable for the future… it’s not like you guys will spend more than a couple minutes with them anyway…
or you can invite them to a mini family engagement session… but if they go to that then they will expect to go to the wedding…
I can understand the insult. I would be insulted too but at the same time I know that different people are just raised differently. Mr. Kiwi just might forget this whole incident and then you have another sticky situation on your hands with them wondering why they aren’t invited now. So I would invite them and if they chose not to come, then it’s on them and you can wash your hands of it. I am sure (hope) that Mr. Kiwi will be so distracted the day of the wedding looking at his blushing bride, he won’t even notice them.
I had a similar incident but luckily not with a family member. I emailed for the address and got a reply from the person and then found out some horrible things. I did not send out an invitation and I was upset about it but then blew it off and am glad I did. I’m happy with my decision so far. (it’s been 2 months)
Don’t invite them Miss Kiwi - life’s too short to deal with negative people! I totally agree, send them something else - are you moving in together after you’re married, could you send a change of address card (haha, just to them?)
[...] there may be awkward situations where tact & understanding may not be the easiest route. Or you may not be as close to the [...]
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA Engagement Date: March 31, 2006 Wedding Date: November 3, 2007 Venue: Radisson Hotel About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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