Weddingbee

Instead of a bouquet and garter toss, we are giving them to friends who were recently engaged or the next to get married.
This way, there’s still an ‘event’, but a sappy speech instead of a tradition that we don’t think our friends will really get into.

I don’t think people “expect” a dance so much as will wonder why there isn’t one. And if you not being able to dance is the reason, it’s not hard to sway back and forth (think 8th grade dancing) - plus you’ll be in a big dress so no one will really be looking at your feet. Or, you could always head to a movie store to rent a how-to video. No one’s wanting an advanced choregraphed routine, just a chance to watch the two of you spin around the floor like there’s no one else in the room…

I don’t think you need to have any type of agenda, unless your reception is supposed to last as long as one that does have all those things. Less activities lends itself to less time to eat, serve cake and throw birdseed on your way out the door. Or, if the reception is as long, and you’re having a DJ, it’ll just be more time on the dance floor for everyone without things to break it up, in which case many of your guests may bolt after the cake.

I went to a wedding last summer where we had no idea what to do. When we got to the reception building, we went up to the specific room that was decorated only to be told 10 minutes later we were supposed to wait downstairs for the couple to show up. Then they did the receiving line, we ate, they cut the cake (it was very anticlimactic) and then the DJ played lots of music. We had no idea if we were supposed to hang around for a special send-off, so after dancing ourselves sore and watching the bridesmaids dance in a group by themselves, we left. I have no idea what we missed the rest of the night, if anything. Mostly I feel bad for all the “grandparent” figures there that really weren’t interested in dancing to hip hop, because they were all sitting around, not wanting to leave early, but not knowing what else to do.

So no, I don’t think you have to stage events, but I think you need to let people know what WILL be done and when so they can know when it’s ok to leave or if they should hang around until the end.

First of all - Yippee! I’m not the only one tossing out all of the wedding “must” do’s…Thanks for that! Second, I agree that you need to have some sort of guidance for your non-traditional wedding, but really, it’s your wedding and you should do whatever you want because this is the one day in your life you should not feel guilty pleasing yourself. We aren’t doing most of the traditional stuff either. Mainly because I don’t like it & have never liked it about other weddings. My FI is European so the whole American wedding thing is over the top for him anyway. I won’t have a champagne toast because I don’t like champagne. I won’t have a cake cutting ceremony or boquet toss because, well, I don’t want to. Maybe you could have the DJ or someone make an announcement that sets the tone for those guests that have expectations? Something that says you are both extremely happy & would like to relax & invite your guests to relax & enjoy the day with you, without making everyone feel like they are missing out on something. If you don’t feel uncomfortable with it, no one else will either. Most of all - enjoy your day in whatever way you please without letting anyone talk you into doing what you really don’t want to…hang in there!

We’re also not doing the throwing of the bouquet or the garter–shudder! No way. I guess we’re doing a first dance, and I suppose we’ll do some sort of cake ritual–thing is, we’re having cheesecake, which my fiance doesn’t like, a tower of cupcakes, and a small, football-themed groom’s cake. I still don’t know which one we’re going to “cut.”

Anyway, I really hope our older guests won’t be just hanging around waiting to leave! How sad. I want everyone to stay until the bitter end and then stay talking in the parking lot afterward, possibly making plans for an after party. For one thing, we’re not only playing modern music that many will hate. We want *everyone* to dance at least once, so there will be a mixture of songs from the 1940s to the present day. Our plan for our wedding is more for a big, inclusive party than the usual scripted “wedding reception.” And it’s an afternoon party, so no one will be getting tired early on and wanting to go home. Or so we hope. We’ve planned this out so carefully, I hope it works!

yay! we’re not alone! we are doing the first dance thing but nothing else, and i think it should be just fine — at most of the weddings that we’ve been to we missed the “events” altogether because we were too busy chatting and having fun to notice them going on. As long as the food and the music are good people will have a great time.

oh, and if you’re worried about the first dance, a friend of mine asked a group of us friends & bridal party members to come onto the floor halfway through the song & start dancing with them in order to ease the pressure of being up there alone… it was really fun too, the whole crowd ended up joining in.

Tradition is great, but it’s not for everybody. Do what you feel is right and truly a reflection of you and your FI - after all, it is your wedding. I think guests truly love the unexpected, it plays off the “just another wedding” aspect. I would suggest having something to happen every thirty minutes. Whether it be lighting changes, different courses, etc., this will give your guests a feeling of being involved in the moment and pleases the masses at the same time.

I believe a wedding should reflect what the couple is.
I’m with summer bride and L8Blmr. I’m Colombian, so all these american things, from the bachelor/ette parties to the day- after-brunch, including the first dance, cake cutting, etc are just TOO MUCH for me! we don’t do most of them in my country and honestly, I fell that a lot of this comes from the multimillion-dollar wedding industry just trying to sell more and more!
That being said, I refused to doing most of the american traditional things. I’m not even having bridesmaids (and I’m proud of it!)
I’m a good salsa dancer and would love to do a first dance with my FI, but he can’t salsa and I feel that people should only do it if they truly enjoy dancing with each other and it comes naturally to them. Choreographed first dances in which you can tell they’re counting the steps and stressed out about not forgetting the next step, that to me is just a forced tradition!

Besides dancing and dinner adn mingling, if you need things to do, here are things I’ve seen:

I went to a wedding where every table was named after a favorite movie of the couple, and the game was for us to first say why we felt they’d named the table as they did, and to then give advice to the couple based on the movie. This fit the couple to a “T” and the rest of the guests seemed to really enjoy it.

Another wedding, a groomsman asked the bride and groom to take off their shoes and they each took one of the other’s shoes. The groomsman asked a series of questions such as, “Who spends more money. Who said I love you first?” and the two had to raise the shoe for the person for whom it was “true.”

There’s always a slideshow. You should keep it short, sweet, and to-the-point. Many people do a song of pictures of the bride growing up, then a song of the groom, then a song of the couple, together. Three songs is usually enough.

Photo guestbooks can be fun and can be an activity if you plan it that way! Some brides have put out a polaroid camera, some actual hats and props and ask guests to take a picture while all decked out, place it in the guestbook and sign alongside their picture. We’re getting a photobooth and are asking pretty much the same thing–guests place a picture strip from the booth in the scrapbook/guestbook and then sign their names…

I hate MCs or dj announcers at weddings and won’t have one at mine. I think most weddings are kind of a “production” but I want the mood of my wedding to be more like a warm and inviting dinner…no ringmaster for me.