Planning From Afar
May 1st, 2007 @ 3:16 pm by Mrs. Blueberry
Now, I won’t call it a destination wedding–especially since over 50% of our guests live right here in town. But planning a wedding in Kansas City while going to school in a town 150 miles away is no easy task. Most of you, I think, can hop into Michael’s whenever you want, can meet with vendors on a Tuesday afternoon, or take inventory of your wedding purchases on a whim. See, I can’t do any of that.
Our ‘wedding central’ is my parents’ house in KC. Their guest room is dedicated to all our wedding stuff, and my childhood bedroom is full to the brim with gifts. Whenever I’m in town I love to go through it all and remind myself of what we’ve bought and received, since we don’t have constant access to it.
Back when we were hiring vendors (summer ‘06), we would have to schedule all the meetings back-to-back in marathon sessions, and in some cases we even had to hire them over the phone.
Since our RSVPs were sent to my parents’ address, I can’t eagerly run down to the mailbox every day to look for those lil’ blue envelopes. Instead, I get a daily call from my dad with the mail report. All I’m ‘really’ missing out on is reading the sweet messages so many of our guests write on the cards.
It could be a lot worse, I suppose. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t envious of all of you who can access your wedding stuff at a moment’s notice, rather than driving 150 miles to get to it or conducting business over the phone.
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26 Responses to “Planning From Afar”
I said our place because FH and I have a 1-bedroom apartment together and all the stuff we’ve bought so far (which isn’t really much) is either in our coat closet in plastic bins (along with luggage, coats, blankets, and holiday stuff!) or in boxes at the top of our closet.
The only thing of ours that won’t be kept here, that will be kept at his parents’ house (still here in town) is my wedding dress. I ordered it from Netbride and I’m having it sent to the apartment (so one of the office ladies can sign for it) but then I’m taking it to my FIL’s so it can come out of the box without FH accidentally seeing it!
We live in Fort Worth but I’m from Houston, and the biggest deciding factor in where we were getting married came down to the fact that it would be too hard to plan a wedding in one city while living in another. But I feel your pain Miss B, because all of our friends are still in our college town (we graduated early) which is 300 miles away! Planning things like showers, engagement pictures on campus and bridesmaid stuff is difficult enough; I can’t even imagine doing a whole wedding like that!
shhhhh! my wedding central is at work! This is where I spend the most time at and so all my files are here on my work computer. And they are synced to my Google Documents and are accessible anywhere there’s internet! I know I’m a nerd! =)
Our RSVPs are going to my(parent’s) house and our gifts are being shipped there also but I’m glued to the computer all day long anyway so I might as well make being at work fun… I have a “wedding” folder hidden in my file cabinet labeled “HIPAA Medical Compliance Quick Guide”…
LOL I’m so gonna get fired!
I could write a book on this. Maybe bullet points will help…
1. After college, my fiance and I took jobs in different cities (400 miles apart).
2. We’re both relocating to a different city where we’ll live after we’re married.
3. The wedding is in our college town, which is 300 miles from where I’ve been since graduation and 500+ miles from where I’m about to move.
Confusing?! This past year has been a big lesson in planning and organization, that’s for sure. I’m ready to be married and settled!
We’re between Baltimore and DC, but the wedding’s on Cape Cod at his parents’ summer house. They normally live in Texas, but they’re at the Cape at the moment, but between now and the wedding they’re spending a month in Russia (?!), so I’ve been having purchases shipped to one of his aunts in Rhode Island, but I think they’re visiting Taiwan (?!), so who knows if the packages are getting there or not. It’s insane. I know the house where the wedding is actually happening has a corner of one bedroom where we at Christmas stashed some wines, favors, the cake topper…I actually don’t know what’s there, to be honest. Then newer purchases might be in RI, or might have been undeliverable and returned (if they needed signatures, for example). Kid-amusement packets and various paper goods are in our basement, and the dress, of course, is in a box in an unused bathtub. Anarchy!
Memo to myself: have each location send me an inventory of what I’ve stashed there.
I hear you, SKK and MK. We live in Ohio (in two separate cities) and are getting married in LA (where my parents live)… we’re 10 days away and I’ve got to: finish up my last law school exam, pack up all of my stuff, say goodbye to everyone in this city where I’ve lived for the past three years, drive to his city, where we will live once we’re married, get a facial — 11am Saturday!, then pack frantically to fly 2,000 miles to LA. Ugh. I’m tired already.
I can totally relate! I live in North Carolina and my wedding is 4 hours away in Tennessee. All of my vendors have been booked in back to back marathons and I booked my photographer over the phone- I’m crossing my fingers she is as friendly as she sounds. Thrown in the fact that my sweet FI works at least 60 hours per week (life of a big firm lawyer) and has to work most weekends too- I feel your pain.
I’m jealous of the ease of doing it close to home- however I wouldn’t change my hometown wedding for the world:)
It is tough- but it has been a great way to bond with my parents- I call them at least every other day to talk about the status of things in Tennessee.
I got married a suburb in NJ outside of Philadelphia (right by Rowan University). I live in Arkansas. That was a nightmare.
Originally I had two weeks to get everything done between college graduation and starting my job back in AR. Well, my father happened to pass away unexpectedly between during those two weeks, so thus all wedding planning was put on the backburner, and a chunk of honeymoon/ring money was spent in flying my fiance up to see me the next day (not being a relative yet, he couldn’t get bereavement rates-boo!).
So my entire venue, cake, catering, decorating, coordinator interviewing was done on Labor Day weekend, the only time I could get more than 3 days off of work. (I had to save vacation time for the honeymoon in 3 months!) The rest was either up to my mom or done on the phone. It was a nightmare. But it worked. The day of was flawless.
Now, the biggest problem was almost not getting the marriage licenses, but that’s a whole other story….
I can relate, too. Our destination wedding is out of the country, so we picked a planner over the internet and told him what kind of cake, flowers, and band we want. I get a little envious when I read about cake tastings and sitting down to looks at bakers’ portfolios! I have no idea who is making our cake, we just picked one from the planner’s site! I’m not sure it is even going to be as large as I would like it to be, but we are already paying island prices as it is.
One good/bad thing is that I have to really reign in all the cute decorating and favor details that I might otherwise indulge, because I want to limit myself to what I can safely and legally take on the plane. We talked about shipping things, but you never know what will get hung up in customs, so I’m not taking chances.
I totally know the feeling, I’m in DC planning for a NH wedding. For most of the guests it’s local, but for me it definitely feels like a destination wedding. It’s a strange disconnected feeling every time I try and book a vendor and have to be like… “well actually I live about 13 hours away, so I really can’t come in this weekend…” Needless to say, all my stuff is hanging out at my dad’s place in NH and some of it I haven’t even seen yet!
My wedding central is our place. And I love getting those little red envelopes in the mail. However, we’re getting married in Hawaii, so I’ve already started mailing some of our “stuff” ahead of me to my parents house. So I guess that’s the secondary wedding central. (Hmmm, maybe not central if it’s secondary, but you know what I mean)
I’m in the same boat…my wedding is in KC (my hometown, too!) and I go to school 2 hours away. All of our stuff is at my parents’ house filling the dining room. Our RSVP’s are going there, as well. It sucks not being there when things come in!
i am getting married locally, and i still do most of my vendor correspondence via email, fax, and phone. i also cannot meet with them on tuesday afternoons. there this pesky thing called a full time job (which is what’s financing the wedding, so i can’t complain too much). things like getting the marriage license are going to be a big deal and will probably require us taking a few work days off as the wedding nears. poo!
that said, being nearby does give me peace of mind that i could meet with people in person if i had to, and that i can change appointments around as i’m almost always in the area, or at least within reasonable driving distance.
wedding central is currently my place, but it’ll soon be our new[er] place. moving it all isn’t going to be fun, but having mr. lime handy to help will be ;).
I think I can top all distance related issues! My FI and I live in London but we’re planning our wedding in California (where I grew up)! Needless to say, all major decisions need to be made in a few trips over since I can’t just ‘pop round’ to the florist or bakery on whim. It’s not the easiest thing in the world, but I am so happy we’ll be married in my home town. And mom is a big help!!
Right now, all of our wedding things are at our place. However, my fiance is moving to Hawaii (where we are having our December wedding) next week, and I will be staying here until August. The good thing is that he will now be able to meet with vendors before hiring them. When we decided on Hawaii we didn’t know we would be moving there, so it was a hassle planning everything over the phone and email. But now our wedding things will be in 2 locations until August, with the majority of it there since the movers are coming in 2 weeks. I’m sure it will be frustrating when I need something, but it is in Hawaii!
Miss Blueberry, I completely feel your pain! I’m living in Seattle, having the wedding in our hometown of Des Moines, Iowa (shout out to you, my southern neighbor in KC, hehe,) and over half our guests are OOT peeps. My frustration is compounded by the fact that Des Moines is still, in many ways, a small town. Therefore, a lot of my vendors don’t have webpages or samples for me to see. I’m flying blind from 4 states away. 
I wish you luck!
It could be worse — your wedding central could be 3 hours away from the wedding location, and where you live is 3 hours away from either city. As far as popping into a Michaels — I live in the middle of a major city sans car, so I can’t get anywhere like that except when I’m in either of the above cities, which are maybe 3 times/year.
It’s all about learning to make do with the best that we can.
I think I have you all beat; here’s my situation:
-My FI and I live in Massachusetts
-My parents and sister (ie moh and mother of flowergirl/ringbearer) live in Miami, FL
-The wedding will be in Costa Rica
Sooo… here’s the way it works.
-All vendors are from Costa Rica (haven’t met them yet, but my parents booked them and I’ll meet them in May)
-All things that cannot be bought in Costa Rica are being bought in the USA (favor boxes, tea light candles, dresses, programs, invitations, etc) and being shipped to Costa Rica.
-My wedding dress and invitations were bought in Miami with mom/dad’s approval and then shipped to Massachusetts - not Costa Rica…this is because there’s a tax law that says if something is not for use in Miami/FL then it is tax free, but it needs to be shipped to that location.
-Bridesmaids live in California, Miami, and thankfully - my maid of honor lives in Boston (sister is matron of honor).
The total number of trips I’ve made to Miami since getting engaged in June, 2006: 5 with two more to go
The total hours to my wedding from where I am now: 8 not including layovers and that’s flying….
WEEEE…. it’s a good thing my father runs a shipping company based in Miami and Costa Rica!!
That’s the reason for the wedding being in Costa Rica - it’s not just a destination wedding, it’s home for me and where I grew up. Miami is just where my parents have settled for right now as the grankids live there. My dad’s secretary in Costa Rica has become my pen pal - “Hey Roxana, I’m sending 250 tea light candles, can you send them to the house in CR? Thanks!”
I feel your pain Miss Blueberry…My wedding is in my hometown, I’m currently living about 125 mi. from there, and all my wedding stuff is at my parent’s house. I don’t get the mail report, so I just have to wait until I go home to count up who’s coming and who’s not. Plus, the majority of our guests are coming from out of town (most of my family is on the East coast, his is in Eastern KY) and plenty of people are refusing to send their RSVP’s back.
Thankfully all my bridesmaids are SoCal residents. However, wedding central is spread between my apartment, my fiance’s condo, and my mom’s house in the Valley, 22 miles from my place. RSVPs and 1 registry are shipped there so I too get the phone calls with the RSVP updates. She’s having fun with that though so it’s OK.
I drive to the Valley almost every weekend, which can be up to an hour drive depending.
I knew I should have included gas in the wedding budget…
ms. blueberry, i feel your pain. we live in bangkok. our wedding is in boston (my hometown). wedding central is the world wide web! i’m sad to be missing out on tons of DIY projects, and the accumulation of wedding stuff before the big day. plus we have to pick vendors that are bigger and more mainstream since we don’t have the luxury of meeting with the smaller ones and getting a “sense” of them (although the BMs are fabulous and very willing to help, we don’t want to be unreasonable in our requests!).
but hey, such is life!
I have the same issue almost exactly. My fiance and I live in our college town still (I graduated a year ago and he’s graduating in July) and we both happen to be from neighboring towns about 2 1/2 hours from where we live. (wedding in my hometown, reception in his). I’ve had to take off days from work and have massive marathon planning days as you mentioned.
Since my mom is quite familiar with some of the people, places, vendors, etc., she is scouting out certain things like musicians, baker, etc.
It is frustrating to be planning and be this far away - on top of everything else, I actually have a list of things to do when I get back to my hometown, so there are many things “on hold”. Our hometowns are also very small, and it’s sometimes hard to find places for certain things. For example, I found tablecloth rentals for a decent price but it’s in Minneapolis so I’d have to arrange to have someone drive it out, bring it back, etc.
So, yes, I feel your pain!
Another dilemma - we may or may not be moving either right before or right after the wedding - and so we don’t know what address to put on our return envelopes! Even we moved and our mail was forwarded, I’m afraid some of it wouldn’t make the transition and I don’t want to risk it.
I planned my wedding for September, but sometimes I wonder if I should have waited. I could have had peonies, a bridesmaid wouldn’t be pregnant, one of our groomsmen wouldn’t have to cancel, AND I could finally move out of my college town like I’ve wanted to for so long!!!
Andria–you might get a post office box for a few months just to cover the return address issue.
BA - I also live in England (Kent)! My DH and I just got married in April and we did all of our wedding planning via email and phone calls. We went home for Thanksgiving last year and had a marathon of meetings just to personally meet the vendors we had already chosen. It was stressful at times but totally worth it in the end. My wedding day is one of the best days I’ve ever had:)
I feel you too, girl. Our wedding is also in Kansas City, but we’re living in Carolina. All of the “stuff” (including 180 wine glasses, hehe) is with us, so my only hope is that come June, it all fits into our car for the 17-hour drive!
Mrs. Blueberry, Kansas City
Age and Occupation in 06: 21, Full-time Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 23, Full-time Student
Engagement Date: September 10, 2005
Wedding Date: May 25, 2007
Venue: Wynbrick Center - a historic mansion in my hometown.
About Me: We're having an intimate, 125-ish person wedding with a full-blown dessert reception. When I'm not obsessing over wedding stuff or studying for my BA in English, I'm usually playing with our two kitty cats, blogging, doing crafty things, or hanging out with Mr. Blueberry!
I can totally relate– I live in the Midwest, but I’m getting married in CA (where my parents live and I grew up). Wedding planning has just begun, but I feel totally out of the loop. Most of my vendors will be chosen without ever meeting me. I’m very jealous of those ladies that are getting married where they live– it makes things so much easier!