Wedding Blog
I’d like to take this opportunity to coin a new word. Frankenwedding, noun: a wedding (actual or planned), the control of which has been somehow wrestled from the unsuspecting bride and placed in the hands of one or more overly dominating vendors, i.e. the florist, and hence turned into something entirely different than originally conceived. Whether or not this makes ME a Frankenbride is still unclear.
“Sweetie pie, why is your mood ring black? Everything OK?”
Witness my florist, or as I like to call her: The Bully d’Orange. Nice enough, very professional…but she somehow convinced us to bedeck our wedding in orange roses.
I hate orange. Mr. Lovebug hates orange. She’s that good.
The problem is, we went into our meeting with only a vague idea of what we wanted (”bright” and “hip”). The Bully smelled our weakness, and she pounced. Two hours later, we emerged, sweating and shaking, with a palette of orange, hot pink, and lime.
I remember her brandishing several spiral bound portfolios, a handful of magazines, and the entire picture catalog of flowerdom. I remember pages flipping faster and faster…her voice growing ever higher in pitch… “What about putting vases full of roses on all the chairs I think on the men’s boutonniƒ¨res a bit of hot pink wire and you want rocks in your vase because rocks are modern and Mr. Lovebug said he likes asymmetrical and…”…something about sliced grapefruit??–I may have blacked out.
But we shook hands and I dutifully thanked her for opening my eyes to the unappreciated glory of hot pink carnations. A day later, she emailed us her proposal; she’d gone SIX HUNDRED dollars over budget. Before tax. Kind of gives new meaning to the term “green thumb.” All this using colors I’m not even sure I want.
I’m not exactly sure how this happened. I’m going to take a nap. Maybe then I can reconstruct the crime. For now, please tell me I’m not the only victim of the Bully d’Orange–or her counterpart. Has anyone else found themselves being pushed into decisions they weren’t ready to make?
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Eek Miss Lovebug run away! I have definitely run into some errr, “strong personalities” in my vendor search. My exit line is always “well, we’re going to think it over and get back to you”. Yikes!
Oh you poor, poor bride! The nice thing about flowers is they don’t actually get ordered until a couple weeks before your wedding. You can CHANGE your mind. You are paying this Bully. If you hate the color scheme she selected for you (it makes me think of the neon celebrations we had in elementary school in 1992) you can tell her you want something different–maybe replace the colors one at a time (”instead of orange, we were thinking white! or light pink! or pale yellow!”). I’m sure she thought she was being really helpful and was very excited to design something for you, but it’s your wedding and you and Mr. Lovebug shouldn’t have to hate the colors. If you haven’t made any other color choices based off that scheme, change it! Remember–YOU are paying HER. Good luck!!
On the other end of the spectrum, I feel like our planner (with whom we’ve communicated entirely by email) could’ve asked for some elaboration…offered some small-detail choices. We haven’t done this before!
We’re not the type of people who want to fuss over every little detail, but sometimes I wonder how much is going to be a surprise. What I have seen of this event company suggests that everything we get will be tasteful and elegant, but the more choices I see other brides making, the more I wonder who is making OUR decisions. We’re still six months out; maybe he’ll have some questions as we get closer.
Are you dead set on her as a florist? It sounds like you need to shop around and maybe visit a nursery to get some ideas of what you like. It’s your day don’t settle for anything you don’t want.
Ask her to make a mock up of what she would provide for the day of. It may be that once you see it, you’ll be so glad she suckered you into it and orange will be your new favorite color. Or, it could reinforce your feelings, and then you could say “something just doesn’t seem right” and then go into replacing colors one at a time.
But that needs to happen before ANY money changes hands, especially if she won’t work with you and you need to do some firing and hiring!
I agree with AMK — I was looking for a florist who would be the perfect blend of taking my ideas and inspirations seriously, but also making suggestions as necessary.
They are the experts, but they really need to build your wedding around what you and your fiance want!
Actually I think probably her passion for her work is what’s driving her to make this elaborate suggestions - sometimes providing a lack of specific direction to a vendor can tend to make them think they have permission to run hog wild creating a vision of their own!
So, what you’ve discovered is that creativity is not her problem. But an equally important part of her job is to stick to the budget, and while you may not have had a specific vision for the colours and flower varieties, you DO have a clear idea of the budget. So just don’t make any bones about it, go back to her and say something like “unfortunately, while I love your suggestions, this is $600 over our budget, before taxes, and this is simply not something we can afford. We will need to make adjustments as necessary. And while we’re at it, we were rethinking the colour scheme. Perhaps something a little softer would be more appropriate, we’d like to change the orange to pink” (or whatever you want). Ask to meet again and see where you can make changes. Don’t sign anything until you’ve had a chance to think about it for a few hours and discuss with Mr. Lovebug - as you have discovered, sometimes it takes a bit of time to realize whether it’s what you want or not!
I wouldn’t necessarily ditch the florist if you like her skills and passion though. Just get her to trim back to stay within your budget - that’s her job too, just don’t budge on that aspect - and make sure you like the colours!!
If you don’t feel comfortable with your florist, then it’s definitely time to start looking for another one! I went to 6 florists before I found “the one”. Don’t give up and don’t forget to ask for samples too! It’s OK to push back!
If she’s that far off, it’s possible she misread something you said, so give her another chance to present plan B (within your budget).
nope, i haven’t been bullied. mostly because i have very particular taste and had a good idea of my vision before i started meeting with vendors.
my florist did push some ideas on me. some were GREAT. some were not so great. so i let him write up the quote, with sketches and notes on the types of flowers, etc. and thought about it. when i met with him to give him the deposit, we ran through again. i had written what i did/didn’t like/any changes i wanted right on there, so that it was there in black and white to read from to him in case he tried to change my mind. however, he was totally open to listen and accommodating. i did feel pretty good as i knew he woudln’t let me do something or insist on something he knew, in his professional opinion, wouldn’t work. however, that’s a little different that totally selling you on something you’re not sure of.
ok, not sure if that made any sense, but good luck with the florist. maybe it’s time to go back and flip through magazines/ the internet for ideas and flowers you do love.
I want to laugh at your writing! But it sounds like a terrible experience :-(. I hope you and Mr. Lovebug are able to set her straight!
ps by “laugh at your writing”, I mean “laugh because your writing is so funny”. 
i hope you’re not stuck with this florist! i find that it’s very important to let any pushy vendor know what it is you want and what it is you DON’T want, right away. if they want your business, they will pay attention. some vendors do keep insisting on certain things or ignore stuff that i say, that’s when i just shut down, be quiet so they finish what they have to say, thank them for their time and get out. i’m surprised you put up with that whole consultation!
My first trip to the florist she conviced me that with my pool/latte peacock feather theme we needed red roses and blue hydrangas(sp). The quote was crazy and more than a little scary..so I went back and changed it all to pink rose and callas and kept my feathers and brought my quote down a $1000..much better..*evil laughter* You got the checkbook..you control the colors
lol, that’s so funny. that’s happened to me before but w/ photographers.
Miss lovebug - You’ve got PLENTY of time before your wedding to make some of these decisions. A whole year practically! Before you run off to vendors, I’d spend some quality time with magazines, a key element that you may already know you want, etc. For me the linchpin was the dress, once I saw that on me, I knew the feel of the wedding I was going for and could really start to work with colors in my head which moved on to flowers which progressed to overall decor which was reflected in invitation design which….. you get my point. While it’s important to get some of these people booked, it’s not necessary to nail down details with them just yet. Get a clear picture down first, then go to them with specific ideas of what you two would like. I just hate to see you get stuck with something you don’t like or being totally overwhelmed by a pushy (but possibly great) vendor.
I don’t mean to be mean here, I just think you’re rushing a little bit. Take your time - enjoy the engagement, enjoy the time you can take to just look at pictures and follow different designs down their garden paths. At one time I had 4 different themes going on. I’ve narrowed and selected as I’ve gone on and now have a really clear idea that I can take to my florist next month (my wedding’s in August, but I booked her knowing that she did good work that I thought was pretty back in October….) Good luck!
Yeah- if you love her work, tell you you love her enthusiasm, but don’t think this proposal works for your wedding. I’ve been through three color schemes so far! Each was a result of having a different tentative idea about our wedding/reception venue… first I liked red and robin’s egg blue, I got that from a shirt I own. Then I decided on an outdoor tent wedding, so I decided to go with shades of turquoise blue. When it turned out that wouldn’t work, for various reasons, we changed venues- now, our decor will actually be pretty minimal because our venue is so beautiful it doesn’t really need it! So I am keeping the turquoise in pastels/less vibrant shades, and adding little dashes of chocolate and lavender, and the only flowers will be a few off-white and blue-violet blossoms, in my bouquet and in bud vases at the tables, surrounded by candles- no florist neccessary.
I agree w/ thistleorthid.
Rolling Stones: Tiiiiiime is on my side, yes it is!
Here’s the thing. I really do like that she’s a type-A, take charge kind of woman. That sort of competency reassures me. I think it’s all about knowing better what I want before I meet with vendors. That’s only fair to both parties. I’m going to meet with her again in a few months, when I’ve had plenty of time to let ideas stew. It’s just frustrating, because our venue has its own aggressive color scheme which I’m afraid will dominate anything I try to plan (more on that soon). Oh, and to clarify why it seems like I’m jumping the gun: we originally had an earlier date set. Now that we’ve postponed, yes, I do have plenty of time…
Thanks, everyone. Great to bounce ideas (and insecurities) off of such helpful, enthusiastic listeners.
[...] don’t know about anyone else, but part of my befuddlement about what flowers to use for our wedding stems from my utter ignorance as to what’s available [...]
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Mrs. Lovebug, Tucson
Age and Occupation in 06: 31, Writer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Professional Game Show Contestant
Engagement Date: February 18, 2007
Wedding Date: April 19, 2008
Venue: Historic Inn
About Me: Likes: blogging, wikis, semi-colons, cuddling, fragrant flowers, syntax, and spooning. Dislikes: typos, dangling modifiers, flypaper, citronella candles, and run-ons. If I had my druthers, I'd exchange simple vows in a candlelit library. But I lost my druthers long ago...anyone seen them?
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