Weddingbee

I was in the exact same position. I’ve known my girlfriend since before we were born, our parents were best friends so we literally grew up spending weeks at each others houses in the summer. We live in two different states but still talk frequently. She was having some personal issues, including financial stress when it came time to purchase the bridesmaid dresses/make commitments. I offered everything, even offering to pay for her drive or flight, but she couldnt accept it. Her mom said it was really a pride thing and she didnt want to feel like we were ‘giving’ her something. I got that and told her that if she could find a way down I’d still be more than happy to have her as part of the wedding. She was able to make it, and I asked her to read a poem during the ceremony. It was great having her a part of the wedding, but there was no expectation to buy the clothing, contribute to the showers etc., should could be involved with what she was able to. It’s a crappy situtation,but if you really love her let go of your preconcieved notions of what her role is and let her do what she can. Even if thats just sending good wishes your way. Hope that helps!

That’s a tough situation to be in. I know exactly how you feel and at least in my experience, if someone doesn’t have a burning motivation to come to your wedding, no matter what suggestions/help you offer, they’re just not going to try all that hard. The more I tried to make it possible, the more disappointed in the friend I got, so I wish that I had given up and accepted her not coming a long time ago.

I’d try to talk to her and try to figure out why she is acting like this. Maybe it is a pride issue like Dori suggested.

I got married last fall, and my childhood best friend flew up from Florida (I live in the midwest). It meant so much to me that she was there.

I recently found out she got engaged, and I know that if her wedding is in Florida, I will probably not being able to attend. It is just a financial thing — my husband and I are both young and right out of school, and we just can’t afford it right now.

She may really want to come, but it just is not possible. I hope you don’t have any hard feelings against her — she may really want to come but just can’t.

I agree with most of the posters - you should definitely talk to her, and let her know how much it would mean to you to have her there, even if she can’t financially afford to be a bridesmaid. If she still declines, and comes up with wishy washy sort of “excuses”, then perhaps she is trying to break off the friendship. How crappy though. I’ve found that being engaged and planning my wedding really brings out the true colors in people. A girl I considered to be one of my 2 best friends really doesn’t care that much about my wedding, or being in it. And it’s mostly because that’s just who she is, and isn’t into girly girl things, and doesn’t think it’s interesting, etc. She and her husband were married in a very simple civil ceremony, and she frankly thinks big weddings are a waste of money. So I’m trying to respect that that’s who she is. My point is that everyone has different feelings about weddings and marriage, and this could also be bringing up some old issues for your friend. Good luck!

I agree with the previous posters–she could be trying to “break up” with you or it could be a personal/financial reason. If it’s the former, there’s not much you go do about it but let her go. If it’s the latter, just try to remember that she’s been there for you for 10 years of your life and that you have more years of friendship to come. The wedding is just one day out of those years. I hope it works out!

i have missed several out of state weddings of very close friends because i simply could not afford to go. if someone had offered to pay my way perhaps i would have accepted but only if they pleaded because the last thing you want to do is add another expense to the bride. this is a tough situation. i think you should try to have a very open talk with her and don’t assume that she doesn’t want to be there, she may just literally be that broke.

Iris took the words right out of my mouth. There may be a lot going on with this friend that just isn’t about you. You can choose to let her make her own decisions/arrangements, or you can bring it out and ask her what’s going on. I don’t suggest being confrontational, but if she’s a BFF you should be able to talk about your feelings.