Weddingbee

I know exactly what you mean. It seems a lot of brides now look down on the toss. I personally don’t love standing up there trying not to catch it. I was starting to agree with them…until I went to a wedding this weekend. They got rid of a lot of the traditional elements, like the bouquet/garter toss (and favors, and line dances…) - and I left feeling like the whole thing felt a little…I don’t know…cold. Slightly stiff.

I decided I like the cheese, mock me at will! But there WILL be memories (and photos) of bridesmaids tussling over the bouquet, my FI getting too much leg trying to get the garter, and my grandmother doing the Electric Slide.

we may not do either toss (bouquet or garter) out of consideration for our single friends. everyone in our group tends to dodge the items rather than dive for them.

while our event overall is pretty traditional, we aren’t sticklers at all and have been picking and choosing what fits and works best for us.

all these cheese talk is making me hungry.

I’m trying to do a fusion wedding that incorporate elements of both our cultures. There are so many traditions that all kinds of people want me to follow, but I decided that I’m just going to pick and choose to do those that I want, enough to make me / us feel like we’re honoring both of our backgrounds. So I think like Keny says, do what you’re most comfortable doing and all will fall into place.

As far as the bouquet toss, I really like the idea you mentioned. I think I may do that as well. I’m doing my own bouquet, so I can do one bouquet that is a composite of two smaller bouquets. This way I can split it and have one to offer to the woman who has been married the longest, and the other one to toss. What do you think about that?

I do have a question for you though, would you be giving it to the woman married the longest with the living husband (because there are others, older women who had been married longer but their hubby died long ago)? Would you announce it to everybody that’s what you’re doing? What do you say?

Isn’t this often called an anniversary dance? Everyone is out on the dance floor and people leave gradually as anniversaries are announced until the last couple - who has been married the longest - is left standing?

well. i honestly have never really liked the bouquet or garter toss. my participation in them has been always grudging and usually involved being dragged by someone. (one of the small but many reasons i am so happy to be getting married)

so for my wedding instead - we are going to do pretty much what you are thinking, all the married couples dance and the dj will eliminate the newly married couples and the longest married couple left gets the bouquet. i’m really excited about this!

I think we’ll probably do an anniversary dance as opposed to the bouquet/garter toss. My fiance is adamantly opposed to anything cliche, which is fine with me.

(Now I just have to convince my mother that it’s okay…)

Regardless, I don’t feel that I will be missing out on capturing traditions on film. We decided that we’re most interested in having pictures of us and our loved ones looking happy and sharing in our celebration. So many of the ideas listed here are fantastic - you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do to make your reception exactly the party that you plan it to be.

We did the anniversary dance and gave a toss bouquet to the longest married couple. People really liked it and the couple that ‘won’ was very touched.

i don’t know if i want a toss since at all the weddings i’ve been to, there was really only one girl who wanted it as the rest of us hung out in the back talking with our arms crossed ready to bolt off the dancefloor should the bouquet have the audacity to come flying towards us.

i’ve been toying with the idea of having the single ladies sign my shoes and giving my bouquet [if i don’t want to keep it] to the person whose name wore off the most. that way it can be presented in a less embarassing way.

I have absolutely no desire for some of the traditions like garter/bouquet toss so for me it makes total sense to cut them out of the reception. I think there is definitely a pull between wanting to be modern/unique and also keeping to the wedding archetypes. Even though I love cupcakes, I still want a wedding cake instead of a cute cupcake tower.

It’s just a personal choice of which traditions resound with you and which don’t. And if you know your female guests/attendants will enjoy the bouquet toss as oppose to loathe it (like a lot of women I know), cool!

The bouquet dance mentioned above is the anniversary dance. It’s a lovely alternative to the traditional bouquet toss. Just be mindful of any long term couples who have just experienced a break-up - this can cause hurt feelings.

Other alternatives are:

The bride holds onto the bouquet that is attached to a long ribbon. She also holds a ribbon for each woman participating in the crowd. Instead of tossing the bouquet- each girl in the crowd grabs a ribbon and pulls. The one that pulls the bouquet wins. You can also attach single roses to the individual ribbons so that each woman gets a flower to take home. Or,
There are several ribbons placed inside the bouquet; the ribbon with the charm at the end wins the lucky female the bouquet. The groom then has the last dance with his mom and the bride and his dad cut in followed by the rest of the guests.

The bride’s presents the bouquet to her grandmother or special older woman in her life as a thank you.

I am SO relieved to see that others are opposed to the bouquet/garter tossing. My fiance really wanted to toss something, but I finally talked him out of it because the only single guy at our wedding will be my cousin - ewww! I am incredibly shy and the thought of the garter toss just makes me want to crawl under a rock and die. The first dance will be hard enough. I am really in awe of those who crave the cheese - have fun with everything!

I am definitely NOT going to toss a bouquet. At the last two weddings I was at, nobody even wanted to catch the bouquet — at one of them, the bride had to throw the bouquet three times because the first two times it just feel on the floor and all the girls stood around looking at it. The wedding coordinator had to find a bridesmaid and make her catch it. Furthermore, what single girl needs to be reminded of her single status at a wedding? Several of my fiance’s family members, including his 30 year old cousin and his mother, were widowed at a young age. I’m sure they really want to be reminded of the fact that they technically fall into the single category because their husbands passed away. I thought my mother would be a little upset if I didn’t do a bouquet toss but when I ran the idea past her, she also thought it was an outdated tradition that should be taken out from weddings (celebrate marriage, not the fact that some people are single!). I was at a wedding recently where, instead of doing a bouquet toss, the bride just asked all the females to come out on the dance floor and dance to “It’s Raining Men”, which was cute and a way to incorporate something for the females only.

MJW, I love your ideas! (I’m a big have your cake and eat it too kind of gal.) I was going to suggest (and try) to think really hard about a friend/family who really deserved the bouquet to dedicate it too, maybe as part of my toast… (like my moms).

I love the idea of the fortune bouquet, and my cousin did it, but it was really poorly organized, so I think the girls weren’t sure what was happening, so it felt a little chaotic….

You guys are fantastic. Sorry I haven’t been around to reply to everyone’s helpful and sweet comments; Mr. Lovebug and I are OOT for a week (not BFE though). Iris: hilarious. Jann: I think that yes, we’d announce what and why. Danieli: cute! Sarah: I love it. I do like the idea of a break-up bouquet. I’m just not sure at this point. I think Mr. Lovebug likes the traditional elements, and since the garter toss is probably not going to happen, I should give in on this one. We’ll see…