Weddingbee

10. They can cost as much as a gently used ‘02 Honda Civic.

9. They’re branded like any other consumer good; names like “Camelot” and “Camilla” have all sorts of connotations and make you want to buy them because they sound so beautiful.

8. They tour the country like rock stars, and you have to make appointments to see them. If you show up without an appointment, you are dismissed sternly, like a child without her math homework.

7. Pictures of them online are kept intentionally miniscule to prevent reproduction (Is this really necessary? Is this a country full of Vera Wang wannabes who can even DO such a thing??)

6. Once used, they are like GOLD on eBay. Forget Star Wars collectibles, forget stamps. I’m putting my money in gown futures.

5. They’re apparently possessed of their own will, and can make you have to rethink your entire freakin’ wedding.

4. Gosh, they feel nice.

3. They have details and flourishes so delicate and ornate that you’ll be tempted to pass out binoculars as favors.

2. Careful assemby is often required by a small team of specialists, i.e., your drunk and giggling bridesmaids.

1. They’ll force you to reconsider opera attendance as an enjoyable pastime, just as an excuse to maybe, possibly get away with wearing it again.

• Flowers, M’Lady?
• Beehive