Wedding Blog

I too would like to know how this works! Mr. Pumpkin’s town is throwing a joint shower for us and I think that it is the only one that we will have so it would be nice to invite my family as well but I was always under the impression that I (as one of the guests) was not supposed to invite anyone. Is this correct? Or, because the people throwing the shower might not know of everyone that I would like there, is it okay to invite some people myself? What does everyone think?

Miss Kiwi - as I said above my impression was always that you are a guest at a party that someone is throwing for you so it is improper for you to be inviting anyone, but let’s see what everyone else thinks as I really don’t know what the protocol is here.

I was under the same impression as Miss Pumpkin, that you don’t do the inviting at a shower for you thrown by someone else. However if the party host has asked you to put together a guest list because they don’t know everyone you’d want to invite, then it’s perfectly appropriate to provide them with a list as guidance!

Miss Kiwi in my opinion it would probably be better to invite guests from your dad’s side to the shower thrown by your mom, but check with your mom first to make sure she’s comfortable with that.

I don’t know if this is typical or not, but if it were me, I would be inclined to ensure everyone was invited to only one shower because I wouldn’t want them to feel like they had to get me multiple gifts or feel like the invitation was just a gift grab. But I’m really conscious of that, so it might be just me. If you think they’d be hurt that they weren’t invited, then invite them to both.

As far as people getting along when they don’t know each other though, I wouldn’t let that factor into your decision of whether to invite them or not… I mean, they’ll all be at the wedding right? Might as well get to know each other ahead of time! They’re all adults, if they don’t like meeting new people they can stick with those they already know.

Would minimize inviting guests to multiple showers (except for closest family and the wedding party, and maybe a special BFF). It’s nice to have an opportunity for them to get to see/meet each other, BUT the thing is that guests invited to multiple showers feel obliged to bring a gift to each shower, which can be a turn-off. If extending the extra hospitality of cross-inviting would result in both guest lists looking virtually the same I would definitely bifurcate.

Anyway it’s really fun to have a different feel and purpose for each shower, as Tiny Panda describes above.

Also agree w/ Brooke that the hostess might have a headcount limit in mind, which limit needs to be observed.

It’s normal for the bride to be asked to provide a guest list with addresses so invitations can be mailed. I heard that tradition stems from the old rule that mom can’t throw the shower because it might seem gimme-gimmie (think old-school, build a trouseau to marry off a daughter to get her out of the house), but a dear friend or other relative may because that person has no ulterior motive. : )

as a courtesy to your guests (bridal showers can be costly!), i would only have your hosts invite their own side of the families. for most guests, having to attend multiple showers for the same bride seems a bit extreme. however, you can open up to family members should they want to attend as long as it is ok with your hosts.

you can provide them a guestlist, but the guests are up to your hosts. you can definitely peek at who they have in mind of inviting, because if there is anyone who you don’t plan to invite to your wedding, you may want to let your hosts know.