Wedding Blog
My matron of honor is my future sister in law. After dating Mr. Kiwi for almost four years I’ve gotten to know her pretty well. She’s a stay-at-home mother of two, a psych major with a fireman husband who is rarely home. Because of his schedule, she’s often overwhelmed with the kids, one four and the other six. So Mr. Kiwi and I have decided to give her the gift of our company. Ha ha. Really, we were hoping to give them some “couple” time by taking the kids off her hands for a few nights. Amazingly, she didn’t want this.
The fact that she doesn’t want the average BM/MOH gifts of jewelry and pashminas has me stumped about what to give her. I know she’s tired a lot, and needs a little bit of “me” time, so I wanted to give her spa stuff, some bath & body goodies and a bottle of wine, maybe a robe. Well, according to MOH, she has no time for stuff like that. In fact, she finally used a manicure gift certificate from two years ago.
You know people ask, “What do you get the person who has everything?” Well, what do you get for the person who wants nothing? As much as my cheap ass would love to get her a big bag of nada, that would totally suck. She’s my family and I love her, and want to get her something useful.
What would you give someone in this situation?
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Hmmm…. is she a foodie? You could have food sent to the house or do gift certificates to restaurants that are kid friendly (since she doesn’t want to leave them.)
How about something she can share with her family? Gift certificate to a restaurant, tickets to a theme park, or some other gift they can enjoy as a family.
Food? - she has to eat, so what about hiring a chef for a night to cook her and her family a meal? she could hang out with the kids while the chef cooks.
or cooking lessons? does she have a hobby? like crafting or anything? maybe some magazine subscriptions or clubs of the month?
That’s tough…I mean, you are being very gracious and offering up many things that I think any woman would be lucky and thankful to get!
I don’t want this to come across as totally harsh, but it seems like your FSIL is being slightly ungracious. I would just get her something thoughtful, like the bath salts and wine, and write a nice card explaining that you know she doesn’t have a lot of time, but that you and Mr. Kiwi would be happy to watch the kids so that she would have time to relax and use the presents.
Good luck!
I would also go the gourmet food or candy route- ask whoever of her hates/ loves/ allergies and you shoud be all set!
maybe make a coupon book or something for her of coupons where u and mr. kiwi can take care of the kids for her… “babysit for the night” or something of that nature.
oh, nevermind, i thought it said she did want this. not didn’t…
What about maid service to clean her house or something like that? Come one, what mom doesn’t want a break from house chores? Or maybe a nice gift basket of some delicious fancy foods i.e. gourmet jams, jellies, cookies, crackers, spreads, pates… Or some nice decor item for their home?
Even a nice bouquet of flowers might go over well if she really wants nothing.
I think the suggestion of Theme park tickets is great. What about Movie tickets, or a Blockbuster gift card? Other than that, I’m stumped!
Is there something she could use for her house, a new lamp, kitchen utensils maybe, or you could try a maid service I’m sure if she is busy with kids she rarely has time to do thorough cleaning. Since she doesn’t seem to mind being around her kids all the time, maybe you and Mr. Kiwi could invite her entire family to a picinic in a park or something, or if you want it to just be for her family, make her a picinic basket and fill a bag with some toys (balls, frisbee, etc.) and send the family to a picnic. Try and choose a time you know her husband can do it, I’m sure she would appreciate seeing him. Good Luck, let us know what you decide!!!
Could Mr. K get in touch with Mr. Fireman and ask him what his wife really needs/wants but won’t admit? If she REALLY wants nothing, you could gift the husband who would in turn gift FSIL, but wouldn’t look like it was from you. So say he was planning to take her to dinner for their upcoming anniversary, offer to pay for it. Or maybe Mr. K or Mr. Fireman could gently talk to FSIL and say you’re trying and you really want to get her something useful so please give you an idea?
Something she can share with her family in the home would be perfect. How about have your photographer on the big day while everyone is dressed up take a picture of her with her hubby and the kids. Prior to that you give her a nice frame and let her know what is to eventually go in it.
I also like the by-the-month gifts that redenvelope.com has such as flowers! You can choose how often you want them to come 3, 6, or 12 months I think and they have lots of other cool stuff too.
love the maid service idea. or, maybe hire a masseuse to go over and give her a message…all w/o her having to leave her house?
Along the lines of the gift cards, maybe something for Old Navy/Target/Toys R Us for her to buy something for the children.
I love Bliss’s idea. I think it’s very sweet and thoughtful. Original too!
Is the reason she declined your offer to watch the children because she loves spending time with her family, or because she is just the type that worries too much if she’s not in control? If she loves the family time, why not get something to encourage more quality family time together not just in front of the TV — maybe new board games, kid-friendly sporting equipment, things like that? Or do they have a family room or basement that is used for playing, that you could help them re-do (or hire someone to redo)? If she doesn’t have time for “relaxing” things, maybe the best option is to provide her with a way to help entertain the kids!
My SIL is going through the same situation with her kids — no time for herself and totally overwhelmed.
I say don’t get her something she has to share with her family. It’s pretty likely she’s giving them all her time and energy and is neglecting herself. Something uniquely (and only) for her might be greatly appreciated.
Can you take the kids for an evening or afternoon to give her some “me” time? Or hire a sitter for her and treat her to a spa day or take her to lunch.
Oh my gosh…I am in the exact same situation, kind of. I have four bridesmaids, three of whom are college girls and one who is a SAHM who could not be any more different than the others. Anyway, I really wanted to get them matching gifts, so I got them a Coach clutch, and I am hoping that the SAHM will return it for something she likes or whatever. It is such a quandry!
How about a year’s membership to a family oriented place like the city zoo, the local aquarium, an amusement park, or any kid friendly place that does offer family memberships?
I agree with mhc - it sounds like she’s already spending lots of time with the family. I think something like a robe and slippers is small but it could be really nice for her, especially because she doesn’t want much. I mean there are a lot of expensive robes out there, right? Haha… I don’t know.. just an idea.
Lots of great ideas here! A few other ideas:
If she’s really not into gift certificates and tickets but would like something practical that the whole family can use together, how about games, sports equipment, tent, the ice cream making ball, kite, travel cooler, camping stuff, flashlights? Maybe present it in a giant canvas tote bag with some beach towels and SPF, and they’re off for a fun family day?
If she likes something for herself that’s NOT for the whole family — what about a splurge on a high-quality luxury-brand yet uber-practical accessory that can be used all the time, like a great classic purse, travel bag, wallet, suitcase, umbrella, toiletry bag set or some other accessory?
what are her hobbies? if she likes cooking, maybe something for the kitchen. if she’s into crafts, some expensive yarn/needles for knitting. books she might enjoy? or better yet, a gift certificate to a bookstore?
Hey guys!! SO many great suggestions
Here’s some more info about the MOH:
She is a control freak- her nickname amongst family is “The Boss”.
She will not “allow” anyone to watch her kids unless she’s there.
Not a big cook, but buys a lot from Costco and Trader Joes.
She is very anal about clothes and accessories- she must pick them out herself or she’ll return them.
Basically she’s like Rachel on “Friends” but with kids who are her focus.
I hope this doesn’t sound bad, she IS a good person who loves her family more than anything. 
Get her a Costco or Trader Joe’s gift card! I think this is a situation that calls for practicality, as unglamorous as a grocery card is!
Myself, I love gift cards =)
I think putting together a hamper of delux versions of everything she usually eats is the way forward. she drinks tea? get her the most expensive box of beautiful leaves you can find. She likes muffins? get her a dozen uber posh blueberry lovelies. All wrapped up beautifully like a fortnum & mason hamper (google it - they’re amazing) and she’ll have the basket to go picnicing with her kids afterwards. Lovely tinned goods always work well too…
Do you mean Monica rather than Rachel??!xx
Definately sounds like a gift card situation. Maybe gift cards to places she will use but not as impersonal as costco. Where does she buy her clothes?
I think the tickets to a theme park is great too! Maybe a hotel package for a little family getaway.
Bake a little something and give her Amazon gift card.
I’m sure she’s as nice as you say, but it is sort of ungracious to keep shooting down your suggestions. I think at this point there is a limit to how much you can reasonably worry about getting the ‘right’ gift — they’re ALL going to be wrong since SHE didn’t pick them!
Get her a nightgown with “The Boss” printed on it…just kidding
With all this new info, I think you’ll have to go with the grocery giftcard/ Costco giftcard, as impersonal as that is. If it’s like Sam’s or BJ’s that we have here, they have more than just food, so it’s not just saying “here, go buy some food as your gift”.
Or, do as Katie said and find out her favorite clothes store and get a giftcard there. Or, you can just get one of those bank credit card giftcards and put it with pretty flowers and she can go wherever she would like!
Can you take her and the family out somewhere? Someone else said theme park, but how about something simpler like the movies and lunch? Or something else the kids would like, such as the zoo, or a natural history or kids museum? That way it would be a treat on your part, but also fun for you and Mr Kiwi, and your MOH wouldn’t feel out of control or anything. You’d just be treating.
How about you and Mr Kiwi babysit the rugrats for an afternoon and send her off to a spa to be pampered. She can’t say she’s busy with the kids and she can get a nice relaxed break.
A gift certificate for a house cleaning service.
How about cooking class for her and the kids ? A lot of places that have cooking classes has mommy-and-me kind of class as well. That way she can spend time with her family and it’s fun at the same time. just my 2 cents Good luck !
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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