Wedding Blog

Interesting post! I think it’s both encouraging and disheatening news at the same time. I believe the end result (staying married/getting divorced) is largely affected by the view of marriage each of us take away from the examples in our lives, regardless of whether those examples were positive or negative. I’ve always thought it was interesting to look at siblings of the same parents grow up with entirely different ideas about marriage.

I also think it’s definitely important to note the decline in marriage. If either part of a couple doesn’t believe in marriage or believe themselves to be capable of marriage, then it’s doomed from the start. I think it’s progress that people who feel that way don’t feel pressure to marry anyway. I also think the decline in marriage rates coupled with the declining divorce rate shows an improvement in the quality of marriages. The couples that do make it are waiting to marry until they find someone whose goals and values align with theirs and in partcular someone who shares the same definition of the commitment that marriage is.

I far prefer an increase in cohabitation to the “starter marriage” phenomenon from a few years ago. No one I know wants to mess up the “nice clean carpet of marriage” either- that’s why we are making very certain it’s what we want before we go there. Marriage is a serious legal relationship… it’s not something to rush into, and it doesn’t bother me at all that people are waiting to be sure they are ready. Perhaps, however, another type of study would produce more instructive statistics (such as, percent of couples married in ____ year still married after 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, and so on).

I agree 100% with appleb.

Co-habitation shouldn’t be seen as a bad thing (tho in many cultures it still is). Growing up I’ve known way more unhealthy marriages than healthy ones and just in my opinion i think its because people got married younger and didn’t know exactly what they were getting themselves into.

Taking the time to understand yourself, what you want in life, what you want in a partner, and the commitment you make to make your relationship work is a sign of maturity and development.

The book “The Starter Marriage” by Pamela Paul is an interesting read.

I got married at 23 and have been married for 25 years. My husband and I lived together before for short periods of time before eventually getting married. I found there was a difference in being married verses living together. Our relationship was not really that healthy in the first place so getting married did not solve the unhealthy part of our relationship BUT it did allow me to experience a sense of truth to the relationship I could not feel or did not experience when we were living together.
As it turned out I had married what most would call a Alcoholic using alcohol to self medicating himself. When I found out he did have a drinking problem we had 2 children and one on the way so we separated for a long period. About a month before our youngest was born my husband called me and said he needed help. He went into “Starting Point” for 30 days and has been sober for the past 20 years!! He made it but sadly many do not. Throughout our marriage we walked curvy paths and climbed many hills, mountains and valleys. At times we both wondered if we should quit but we didn’t, why? because we made a commitment and the marriage commitment makes you work harder and even if we did not understand what we were saying at the time we got married we wanted to stick with our commitment if it was at all possible. This meant we need to always examine our motives and actions in the relationship, we needed to become more honest and more giving to each other and less-selfish. We wanted our marriage for ourselves and our children. It turned out to be one of the best presents we ever gave them. We learn to live what we at the time did not understand when exchanged our vows. We look back now and think of all the times we almost jump ship and how glad we are didn’t. As our youngest moves out in two weeks we are entering a whole new life together. Eager to again live in a whole new way what it means to give yourself to one another unconditionally. My children understand a lot better about selflessness than we first did. We now have some authority in handling hard times in relationships and maybe we might need to help our children through many of the same hard times they will no doubt experience. Our Marriage gives others hope!!! Marriage is great, don’t disregard it because other did not understand it and jumped ship. Tip: Start treating relationships with more dignity and put more work and thought into who you are, are you someone knows what it truly means to LOVE because last time I looked it is an action word and it is not self-serving. Think about this, are you a worthwhile mate? Can you be trusted, are you honest? Do you give yourself away just to get love (not good)? These are important things to think about, I might suggest marriages void of these traits could very well be the reason marriages do not work. Many go into relationships for the wrong reason to get something not to give something Marriage is not meant to be a hide out for those people who do not want to be alone. Marriage is for people who are capable of giving themselves even in tough times. Note:I do not advocating for anyone to stay in a marriage that is abusive if that is the case get out and at least separate. Last but not least, at least think about a few more things than just your feels because those honeymoon feels disappear rather quickly and reality sets in!!!