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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA Engagement Date: March 31, 2006 Wedding Date: November 3, 2007 Venue: Radisson Hotel About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
About Mrs. Kiwi

Our Day in Marriage Prep

May 27th, 2007 @ 1:10 am by Mrs. Kiwi

I’d like to thank all the readers who had given me the advice to just sit back and relax at my Church-Sponsored marriage prep class. I took your advice and really enjoyed myself. The morning began at 8:45am, and although hard to be bright and bushy-tailed after a late Dodger game the night before (Go Big Blue!), I was still a little nervous.

Our comfortable cushions in hand, we were led to the gym, and then down into the basement. A little grumpy at spending $70.00 for eight hours of what I thought was going to be the typical church fare of God-speak, I collected our packets of information and stuck on our nametags. There was a spread of bagels, donuts, fruit salad, coffee, juice and water; enough to sustain us until our lunch break.

As I perused our workbook and family planning pamphlets, I took a good look at the rest of the 30-some couples around us. At nine o’clock, the presentations got underway. We had two couples who were kindly spending their day helping us to learn to communicate and work together, taking time out of their day for this, and I would pay attention. At one point, the priest at the church we were at came in and gave a long talk, uncomfortably filled with the most politically incorrect stories, complete with the words “Negro”, “retarded” and “drunk”. The talk soon became less hysterical as he told us the different ways marriage could fail. He talked of young couples newly married, when one “dropped dead three weeks into the marriage” or when the wife soon finds her husband to be less than kind. This talk really brought the group down as a whole. You don’t expect to enter a marriage prep class being told marriage is all great times and easy streets, but to be separated into parts and told that “that side over there, in numbers, won’t have their marriage work out” was a shock.

Still, the class taught us of hardships and fighting for what you believe. At times we were told to separate and work in our workbooks. When we’d come back together, we’d see if what we envisioned for whatever it was we were discussing (dreams, communication, finances) was somewhat the same. Luckily, our views are about the same on everything, and there were no real “Oh my goodness, you think that???”.

At one point, I looked to one of the other couples in our assigned group of two other couples, and realized I went to high school with the groom! I haven’t seen him in ten years, and now, out all the people in this room, I sat next to him. Also funny, they were at the Dodger game the night before, too!

One thing that was interesting- something that was seemingly obvious was mentioned again and again, we are the product of our roots. I fight because that’s all I saw growing up. Mr. Kiwi is patient because that’s the example he had while growing up. It’s funny because I had known that, but it never really hit me how much that was true until seeing what exactly I’ve picked up.

Overall, there really wasn’t much we didn’t know beforehand, but it was nice to hear that we have the same values, despite my non-Catholic stance. Taking the class, although mandatory to marry in the church, enabled us to get closer, and to anticipate our upcoming marriage. This class, although initially thought to be a pain, gave me eight straight hours of learning about Mr. Kiwi. And that, is something I’ll always remember.

11 Responses to “Our Day in Marriage Prep”

1.
HamiHarri says:

I’m glad the prep class was more painless then you might have originally thought. We completed our marriage prep weekend several months ago. Although some of it was dated (including the 1970s movies) I think it was well worth our time. From what I have heard, our compared to some other Catholic marriage prep, was pretty liberal. There was no talk on natural family planning. Mainly communication and a basic (kinda lame) touch on finances… Regardless of your faith, I think these marriage prep courses are wonderful for all couples. In the end it was a nice way to spend the weekend with your finace and really working on (from my experience) our relationship and communication…

2.
Mary says:

It was hard to read this after you said that use of the word “negro” was hilarious…

3.
Miss Kiwi says:

Mary, no, I didn’t say the word “negro” was hilarious, I said it was funny how politically INCORRECT this old priest was. My family is african american, my cousins and aunts and uncles. I would NEVER say anything like that is funny. The words he chose were uncomfortablle. Perhaps “hilariously” wasn’t the right word- “Uncomfortably” would be better.

4.
days says:

I just have to ask. Did you once live up in the Bay Area and work in Newark, CA? You’re face looks so familiar.

5.
Miss Kiwi says:

Days, no, I’ve been in LA since birth. I have been told that someone once saw my exact double out there, though!

6.
Rebecca says:

I’m so glad to hear that you found the marriage prep class use full. I was so lividly angry when I was quoted $250 here in SF that ended up going off about reinforcing the negative stereotypes about the Catholic church and not wanting to help pay the legal bills of pedophiles. It felt like this disgusting catch 22, they refuse to marry you unless you go through their class and then they charge you these ridiculous fees.
I’m hoping that I’ll calm down enough to actually get something out of the sessions when we go in a month.

7.
Iris says:

Great story! 99% of our Catholic Engaged Encounter was really useful and great bonding. But at some point there was a 15-minute talk by a really aged priest who ventured into political incorrectness. He was telling stories about working in Harlem decades ago and the thugs he met, and of course the neighborhood he was talking about has since completely revitalized (as has most of upper Manhattan since the 1970s!). Anyway, he seriously offended one very professional couple who live in Harlem, and it was just impossible for him to backpedal out of that one.

Rebecca, for every Catholic church we contacted, it was the case that if the pre-marital counseling and/or ceremony fees (tax-deductible by the way) are not affordable, you can definitely get the church to reduce or waive it. Maybe ask around?

8.
Emms says:

Funny that they used the example of when one fell down dead as a “failed marriage” …

9.
bunnybride0108 says:

I’m glad you got something out of it. The best part of doing the Engaged Encounter weekend for us was the focussed 2 1/2 days of talking about our values and being in a space to communicate with one another.

We were the only non-Catholic couple that attended our weekend and people kept commenting, “Wait, you mean you don’t HAVE to be HERE??” It was worth it for us though if for anything else the reassurance we are headed in the right direction.

10.
Miss Bluebell says:

I’m glad it wasn’t so bad! We obviously don’t have any mandated marriage prep since our officiant is my aunt who got ordained online to marry us, but part of me wishes we were going to go to a class. Buuuut not quite enough to make ourselves do it. :-) But that’s great that yours wasn’t so bad and you actually had some fun!!

11.
Wedding Site | Wedding Blog in Singapore about wedding idea, relationship advice, wedding favor, wedding hair style and wedding gift » Blog Archive » Marriage Preparation says:

[...] know some couples who are getting married signed up for marriage preparation course. They learn about experiences from the teachers, other couples plus some powerpoint slides showing [...]


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Mrs. Kiwi Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA Engagement Date: March 31, 2006 Wedding Date: November 3, 2007 Venue: Radisson Hotel About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!