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Dear Boobs,
It’s time that the nine of us had a talk. For some time now, I’ve been doing my utmost to find dresses that will fit, flatter, and contain you. At first, it didn’t seem like it would be such a daunting task. I mean, yes, you are all very healthy and well-grown. I knew it would take a special kind of fabric, with a certain amount of tensility, to give you the support you need.
But this is getting ridiculous. OK, OK, I admit it. Plan S (strapless) was ill-concieved. I should have known better, considering the things I’ve seen you guys do to tube tops. And that whole keyhole back-lash thing I went through in retaliation…well, I apologize for that. It’s just that, I’ve seen what happens to you with a little exposure. People get distracted. Vases get knocked over. Red lights go ignored.
Anyway, I have a counter offer which I hope you’ll find acceptable. It’s a halter dress from Lynn Lugo:
Here it is with a flower pin — isn’t that a nice, cleavage enhancing touch? OK, fine, you got me. Cleavage camouflaging. Look, it’s not you who’s supposed to be in the spotlight come April 19. You better start sitting up and paying attention to who’s in charge here. Or so help me god we’ll go back to the babydoll tank dress, the one C. said would go really great with oversized lollipops.
I’m glad we had this talk. See you at the fitting.
lol, great post. funny timing since i was just remarking at the hilarity involved with the word “boobies” this morning on my walk to the office. yes, sometimes i really am 6 years old.
Halters are definitely the way to go!
Hilarious!
maybe this is a dumb question…why are there only 9 boobs in question? does someone only have one? or really uneven ones?
Miss Lovebug I feel your pain. All of my girls have large “girls”. I am going to look like a 12 year old standing next to all of them. We also found v-necks to be the best solution. Good find (and good luck)!
Ohhh Jen, you have me in tears! 
At least my attendants have their chests under control, to make up for the fact that their skin tones completely fail to match. How dare they?
yeah, i want to know why there are 9 boobs too…8 sets and a uniboob?
Halters are good but this one concerns me. BELIEVE me I know my MOH has well “D’s” Ack. And when we tried a style like this it was well boobie city. All that really controlled them was a much lower cut V halter like this. OR a very flat and high cut straight across w/ straps. Although perhaps their boobies are more controllable C’s.
=)
I’m thinking the nine participants in this conversation are the eight boobs and Miss LoveBug?
As a gal with DDs — trust me, I’m never trying to upstage anyone with mine. I’m trying to find a dress where the seam doesn’t cut across the lower 1/3 of my boobs. Or where they aren’t flattened and look horrendously misshapen. Or where I’m not overflowing. Or, or, or.
I don’t know what your exact issue is — maybe your girls are trying to upstage you with *their* girls — but please show some sensitivity to the fact that DDs are next to *impossible* to fit in a dress, esp if you’re small everywhere else.
This is the best weddingbee post in a month!
Ah, the mysteries of dressing, supporting, and flattering (tho I prayed for flattening) the big boobage (and corresponding big booties) was a mystery I left up to my maids to figure out. I tell ya, there’s no pleasing everyone and I was clueless about the amount of Lycra it would require. A tip from me to you — a good cover for our actual motivation is a demure preference for “church boobs.”
“The 9 of us should have a talk” thing kinda threw me off. For a second I was like, one of her bridesmaids has either 3 boobs or a uni! But then I was like duh… Miss Lovebug + 8 boobs. 
Seriously? You worried about flattening your ‘maids’ bustline and booty? Why do you care? Why do you want them to look smaller than they are? That’s messed up. Flattering is one thing, but you said you prayed for flattening.
Not cool.
The only problem with halter (dresses and tops), is finding an appropriate (read: supportive, comfortable, something that fits) bra. If you have BMs with D’s or DD+’s … could be an issue.
As a D-cup gal myself, I have to say that I find V-necks with 1″ wide straps (or somewhere around there) more flattering than halters. Halters always leave me feeling like I’m pushing the girls together too much, and exposing my back more than I’d like to. But that’s just me! Good luck, and thanks for the laugh!
OHHHHH ok i get it now. thanks for clearing that up for me, everyone. good thing i wasn’t a math major…
lucky for me all of my BMs are boobless and i’m the one with the ladies.
Jumping in here again … I totally agree with Brooke. I second the V-neck recommendation — a wide V-neck is super-flattering. I’m a D/DD cupper myself and I really have trouble with halters. Super cleavage-y and the halter itself often ends up really pulling on my neck.
P.s. Do their dresses *have* to match? What about picking a designer, and letting each girl choose the dress style which she feels most comfortable in? I did that for my bridesmaids at Aria (www.ariadress.com), and they love it. They each picked a different style and are very happy with it.
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Mrs. Lovebug, Tucson Age and Occupation in 06: 31, Writer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Professional Game Show Contestant Engagement Date: February 18, 2007 Wedding Date: April 19, 2008 Venue: Historic Inn About Me: Likes: blogging, wikis, semi-colons, cuddling, fragrant flowers, syntax, and spooning. Dislikes: typos, dangling modifiers, flypaper, citronella candles, and run-ons. If I had my druthers, I'd exchange simple vows in a candlelit library. But I lost my druthers long ago...anyone seen them?
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