Wedding Blog
In my post yesterday, Jessi mentioned it being helpful to have a list of things you hadn’t thought about for your wedding. So, I thought I’d ask around and see what everyone else had pop up.
These are the things I’m constantly asking myself- or poor Mr. Kiwi who is stressed out enough.
I know I never really thought about the order of our procession. Isn’t it always, bridesmaids, MOH, flowergirl & ring bearer with the guys up front? Well, Church Lady has since asked me to give her the exact order. And what music the organist should play as we walk. I have to choose that?? Isn’t it “Dum dum dumdum… dum dum dumdum”? That’s what I always walked to when I practiced in my washcloth and towel set as a 5 year old “bride”. In fact, that exact song. Although looking back, I think my brother was just calling me “dumb” and not really playing usher like I told him to.
Which brings me to ushers. Is that really necessary? It’s easy- sit over there. There will be no elderly family members who need help, and everyone is moderately in good enough shape to be able to slide into a pew. So, unless the mothers want someone special to walk them down, it’s good ol’ Uncle Bob doing the honors.
Or… are the mothers ever just seated when I sashay down the aisle? If they’re “ushered”, does each mom get a different usher?
Will I ever learn the “Our Father” prayer? Wait… do I even NEED to?
Dollar Dance. My family is making me do the dollar dance- which will cost me more than the generous family members. I’m going to have to dance. With people who aren’t my broom/one sweep. Even if I learn how to dance, I’m still not the best at being the center of attention. I know, I know- then DON’T HAVE A BIG WEDDING.
How the heck am I going to cut a slice into the card box? And why do I feel so guilty about putting a box out there for people to stick presents in? And listen here, punk ass students of Mr. Kiwi- if there is one iota of crap/trash/food in that box- I’m coming for you.
Just how long can I wear this dress until I get my full money’s worth? If you Los Angelenos see a girl in a grimy wedding dress watching an IMAX movie and/or playing mini golf, feel free to say hello to Miss Kiwi. 
If our invitations are beautiful, and in the same color family as we’re having, will anyone notice the lack of “leafy”? And yes, I’m sure I’m the only one who notices the leafy thing. 
Will we be needing a cake cutting song? The Knot says yes, my head says, “Are you friggin’ serious? It’s cake. Like, three seconds of cake.”
And then, lastly, should I pick a sentimental song to dance with my dad, or a funny one? He tends to cry easily.
Now, although these are things I don’t really think can help others to know, you never can be too sure.
Weddingbee: What are the things that you wish someone had reminded/told you?
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I wish someone had reminded me to think about what I was going to say and who to thank during the mini-speech before the toast. It was a very ad lib speech and I feel bad that we didn’t thank those who did so much to us in front of everyone at the wedding. Because we left immediately for the honeymoon, it wasn’t until a week later that we were able to seek these individuals out and thank them.
FWIW, here is my processional order:
Groomsman B escorts FOB’s wife
Groomsman A escorts groom’s sister
Groom and Best Man escort their mom, dad follows
(music changes)
Bridesmaid B
Bridesmaid A
Slight space where the MOH would be (long story)
Me and Dad
Oh, and the processional song in your head is the wedding march from Lohengrin. Can I just say, though, that where that appears in the opera is NOT walking in to the church. It’s walking into the bridal chamber to consummate the marriage…if you know what I mean. Ask to hear Elsa’s Procession, also from Lohengrin, before you make your final decision.
____
Separate from that, all the Mrs’s please answer this question! The Misses are dying to know!
I wish we had made more of an effort to learn to dance. As it was, we started practicing the foxtrot the Tuesday before our Saturday wedding… with the help of a video found on YouTube! We did an okay job, but it was nothing special.
As an addendum and to add something VERY helpfup, people thought I was nuts that I created a packet of information and made multiple copies for all the important people involved.
The packet included:
the entire schedule of events, including vendor phone numbers, family contact numbers, etc
reception seating chart
list of photos that I gave my photography
our travel itinerary and departure times/dates, etc
The packet was about 7-8 pages each and I gave copies to the moms, siblings, vendors a few days before the wedding so that we were all on the same page. This was great because it minimized the amount of questions I was being asked, if someone didn’t know who was supposed to be where at what time, they didn’t all have to come to me to find out, etc. It was a life saver and I would strongly recommend it.
the priest had the line up all ready for us, but that can change as needed. (for instance i had more than just my mom/grandmother walk down the aisle on my side.)
we did have to say the our father. i don’t think mr. bop actually said it (he’s not catholic). so i don’t think you have to learn it/say it if you don’t want to.
i didn’t have a cake cutting song. i don’t even remember what was playing during it or our toast.
Cutting a slot in the card box = very very sharp knife. If you have not gotten an X-acto knife by this point in the planning process, now’s the time.
Addendum to the card box…if you are worried about rough edges, wrap the box like a present and tuck the paper in the slot and tape to the inside. Pretty!
Card box addendum addendum: if you’re like me, and screw it up anyway, you can glue rhinestones to it.
I should post pictures.
and get an extra tall cardbox that you can cut a wide enough slit into. you don’t want your guests to have to jiggle it around in order to get the cards to lie flat.
I cut an “x” shape into my slit, and folded the paper inside. I slipped a piece of tape in through the hole to keep it in place. worked like a peach and cost all of $6.
These are all great tips everyone!! I had never thought of these things. Keep ‘em coming!
Great tips! I can’t wait to read more.
Yes, MRS’s, please add to this. I would love to read it and make a note of things. I love to be super on top of things.
**I have to second what n said about making a contact info package** At my MOH’s wedding, it was like only SHE knew/had the number of lets say the limo driver. When a million things were going on and she was taking pics, ppl were bugging HER because she was the only person who knew who/where/how to contact him. I plan on making a contact sheet of family and vendors, esp for those coming from OOT or have some tasks that day to do for us. Including spouses!!! My MOH’s husband for example might the actual person to drop this off or drive here whereas my MOH will be WITH me.
In addition, she left the programs at home because no one knew what they looked like (they were in a VS bag). So if you plan on delegating things to people, PLEASE MARK THEM CLEARLY. Rather than shouting over the cell going it’s in the corner near the old bathroom that used to be the laundry room, next to the shoes, in a brownish orange bag with a green handle on it. 
woot!!! thanks Miss Kiwi! Great tips everyone! I breezed through them, but will read them more in depth in a bit.
I think the church probably has a “usual” format they follow and are likely meaning to ask you who goes first/second/third among the bridesmaids. It all works out at the rehearsal, so don’t worry about it too much.
No one is going to worry if you don’t know the words to a prayer. I’m a new Catholic myself, and for some of the extra stuff, it’s OK to just wing it. If you want to fake it til you make it: Say the first two lines pretty loud, and then bow your head and mumble and move your lips. Or drag a half-second behind everyone else repeating what you hear.
You’re right - the cake cutting doesn’t take long. We did it while the band was on break with recorded background music on - no special song required.
We used an LL Bean tote bag for cards. (We’re in Maine.) Unless you are really worried about someone snagging one of your cards, it might be easier on everyone to use a basket/bag/something with an open top. If you already have the box, you could set the lid to the side. No cutting required.
Do think about your processional, but remember there are standard formats, and if you honestly don’t have a preference, the church will follow the standard. No stress there.
Ushers - we had ours hand out programs as I only printed one per couple, not enough for everyone. They can also indicate that people can sit where they like instead of the traditional bride’s side and groom’s side. They can act more as greeters, that is a nice touch if you don’t feel the need for them to actually seat anyone.
Father/Daughter dance - select several songs of a variety and have him help chose. It’s his dance too, he should have input.
Phew - you ask a lot of questions
Cake song tip: For those having a band, this is a great opportunity to have a special recorded song played because no one (NO ONE) is watching the band or dancing at this time. There are some songs/artists that just can’t be replicated by a wedding band, ya know? The music really just sets the mood and provides music on your video (if applicable).
Instead of a cardbox, we used a birdcage. Ours was a plain white one, but maybe you could add some leaves to one to make it very fall and festive.
We did do a special song for the cake cutting… The Sweetest Thing by U2. It totally wasn’t necessary, but we just wanted to be all punny.
Check with your church on the music. They may have a list of approved songs. We did not get married in a church, but I believe that some do not allow the Bridal March.
I agree w/ HC that the ushers help balance the bride/groom sides. We were advised 1 usher per 50 guests, and that worked. Our ushers were experienced veterans, so they knew what to do. The church coordinator will advise them at the rehearsal.
Oh, I hate to tell you but the “dum dum dadum” tune is from a Wagner opera, and is not a religious song so it might be on the church’s “do not play” list. There are about 3 other super-popular processional/recessional songs (SARAH, you are the music guru, help!), including Clarke’s Trumpet Voluntary, which is really nice, especially if your church has a good organ.
Thanks again everyone! I think I had heard that about the wedding march… So I guess I’ll have to give a listen to the music choices the church gives us. 
I really do thank you guys so much! Weddingbee is awesome.
oh, and we didn’t have a card box. just a card-watcher-outer. (grabber/holder of the cards - picked them up as she saw them)
and no ushers. no need. people can seat themselves.
and check with the music coordinator at the church. they most likely provide you with a list of appropriate songs in which to choose from.
I forget if you are having a Catholic wedding or not, but if you are, you will not be able to use the Wagner “wedding march”. As it has been mentioned, it was used in an opera where the “bride” was being deflowered on-stage (I believe against her will) and is not allowed to be used in church.
I used Pacabel’s Canon in D. Just as bridal without the crass association, imo.
Hmmm. I had heard that about Wagner’s “Wedding March” too, BUT, I have been to at least 3 catholic weddings that definately did play it. Maybe those churches just weren’t aware of the song’s history. Perhaps just tell them that’s what you want and let them tell you no if they’re going to. If it’s really what you want, it’s worth a shot I think 
My Catholic Church allows the Wedding March but I think I’m leaning towards Trumpet Voluntary instead. Princess Diana had it in her wedding if you can recall.
Ushers can help with sorting people out. I want immediate family not in the wedding party to have seats in the first pews so when the ushers and family come to the rehearsal, they will know who to seat in the front and then everyone else gets pushed to their respective side. Also, ushers allowed me to have my brothers in the wedding.
The last wedding I went to handled the ushers in this way-
Cousin of Bride: Walked down memory candle for bride’s birth mother to her favorite hymn
*music change*
U1: Walked down paternal grandmother while grandfather walked behind (then walked to back of church)
U2: Walked down maternal grandmothers, one per arm (then walked to back of church)
U1: Walked down MOG while father walked behind (then walked to back of church)
U2: Walked down MOB (back again)
U1 & U2: Pull out aisle runner, return to back of church
*music change*
BM1&GM1 walk down aisle together
MOH&BM walk down aisle together
5 flower girls walked down aisle
*music change*
Bride and Father walk down aisle.
MARRIAGE!
Miss Kiwi, are you Polish? I noticed that you mentioned that you were doing the dollar dance, but I’ve never heard of any other ethnicity other than those of Polish decent incorporating this into a wedding.
Just be classy about it — I was at a wedding once where the best man and maid of honor were basically going up to every guest, dragging them up there, and forcing them to pay because the couple “needed cash for the honeymoon.” I was really rather disgusted by the whole event. Meanwhile, one of my bridesmaids recently got married, and they just had it as a casual, optional event where a bridesmaid wore the apron, collected the money, and it looked like everyone had a great time. Just be classy.
I just read the comments about the wedding march — if it’s not permitted in religious churches since it secular, and never EVER permitted at Jewish weddings (Wagner was openly anti-semitic), who on earth uses it and how did it gain its popularity as THE song to play when walking down the aisle?
Julie, no, not polish, but I am hispanic. I don’t know if that’s something not done in hispanic weddings, but it’s always been done in my family and Mr. Kiwi’s family.
I’m going to post about this dance, but trust me, I know what you mean about class. I went to a wedding and the BMs were all going to each table and saying, “Give me money to go dance. What? You don’t want to dance? Then just give me the cash.” So at that point it was like, I’ll give you a dollar to get AWAY FROM ME.
Julie - The bridal chorus has been used for 100+ years, since long before people really figured out that anti-Semitism was…well, dumb, for lack of a better (or stronger) word. Once it caught on, people weren’t really concerned with where it came from–who here knew it was Wagner before you read these comments, hmm?–they just wanted what everyone else had.
Then one day, Princess Diana came along with the “Prince of Denmark” march, and everyone wanted that. Maybe someday the composer’s suicide will become a sticking point, and everyone will need to find a new tune to latch onto.
Here’s a useful article:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wedding_music
Thanks for the info, Sarah! I guess all I ever knew growing up was that as a Jewish girl, the bridal chorus was _not_ an option for me.
It didn’t even dawn on me that people wouldn’t know Wagner, I have to admit… I’ve always known he was the composer, but maybe that is my umpteen years of childhood being trained as a classical pianist/horn player. I always forget that the majority of individuals are clueless when it comes to classical music.
i can tell you that ive been in/ been to a lot of weddings especially in the past couple of years, and even had the responsibility of making sure that everyone went down the aisle at the right time..so with no further adue…the traditional order that the wedding party enters….*ahem*
Bride and Groom’s close family who are not parents or grandparents (i.e. sisters, brothers, close relatives you want to be honored) can be escorted in prior to the grandparents in the less formal seating time. they can also be escorted in to music, this is depending on your preference
Then, the usual order goes as follows, and is the same in most weddings…..
Grooms Grandparents (grandmother escorted )
Bride’s grandparents (grandmother escorted )
Groom’s parents (mother escorted)
Bride’s Parents (mother escorted)
Groom Enters
(here comes a choice part)
Next, the groomsmen can either escort the bridesmaids in, or they can come in with the groom at the front and the bridesmaids can walk in unaccompanied
*Make sure that they come in from the furthest from you to the closest (MOH)*
this eliminates any confusion.
Your MOH is supposed to enter last by tradition and she needs to stand next to you so she can fix your dress, hold your bouquet, etc. Trust me, it just works best that way.
Ring Bearers
FLower girls (the past two can walk in together)
Bride’s Mother stands (this signals everyone else when it is time to stand )
Bride and Dad.
hope this all helps……let me know if there are any more questions.
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Mrs. Kiwi, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation in 06: 27, Bookkeeper
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, P.E. Teach/Coach @ private schools in LA
Engagement Date: March 31, 2006
Wedding Date: November 3, 2007
Venue: Radisson Hotel
About Me: I'm a bookkeeper who failed high school algebra. I'm currently living in Los Angeles, literally a street over from where I grew up with Mr. Kiwi, my honey of three years. We have a jumbo mini-dachshund (seriously, he's huuuuge), and we're planning an autumn themed wedding on a shoestring, paid for by ourselves. The wedding date is my late grandma's birthday, I needed her there somehow, and that seemed like the best way for us. I can't believe I'm a Bee! I couldn't be more proud!
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